Being almost 18 is like purgatory,
Or at least it is for me.
A state of in between-
I hate being a teen.

Almost old enough to live on your own,
But there's school and no money so where would you go?
Not wanted at either house, you're already alone.
There's the screaming and throwing things with good intent,
Or the house you could never go back to again.

That's why it's purgatory.
Stuck in between and living though I'm not here, not really.
My soul is on a ten- year vacation, I hope it comes back well.
Maybe this isn't purgatory, maybe it's more like hell.

I crave the dark skies I had in my country life
where the stars would shine so bright
not like these artificial lights

I miss the noise of the night creatures
not the night life and laughter

I miss thoughts night when only the moon lit the night skies
thoughts skies I so often crave

i always seem to be sitting
in the middle of intersections
like a traffic light that hasn't
hung itself yet, always
seem to be waiting in the
middle of the ghost town
of where our love was first
built. there's a hospital
down the road where the
waiting room chairs are
much more morbid than
the hospital beds and
every electric heart rate
line sitting on the screen
of the heart monitors flatten,
make long beeping sounds
like an alarm clock, like a
wake up call; they make
long beeps like the ringing
i hear inside of the phone
when i call the owner of
the voice mail i've seem to
have made a home out of.
they took every place
we kissed and turned it into
a church that closes on
Sundays and holds a choir
full of people that lost their
voice in their own war. i've
been in the line for the
confessional for about two
years now because every
time i go up to say how
badly i want you to feel it
back, i let the girl wearing
your t-shirt cut in front of
me. the sidewalks only
seem to crack when they
remember how it felt
when you walked on them,
when you gave the ground
its purpose. one of these
nights the traffic lights will
come to their senses,
drop into the intersection
and crumble right next to me
because it's not like they have
anything to stop or at least
slow down because this is
a ghost town, & nothing is coming back.

night's cloak of darkness
lifts to display the daylight
nature's own drama

Ambled ambitions,
an aching audacity;
aged adventurer.

My hairs stand on edge
as I sit at the edge of my seat
I didn't think it would come to this,
but you lie, you're full of deceit
Yet I still wait, wait, impatiently wait
Grasping your back and protecting your heart,
saying "it's all going to be alright,"
But you refuse to acknowledge that
The suddenly, my nails aren't digging anymore
And your flesh is gone but so's your bone
And my tears are falling to the concrete floor
I'm all alone once more

~~~


A rich woman
Walked down the street
She met a workman she didn't greet.

But though they didn't
Stop to TALK
They were able
To exchange THOUGHTS...

Hey! Look at me! I'm all that!
Think you're cool with that
baseball hat?

I'm in my designer clothes
I'm Dior from head to toe.

I have snakeskin shoes
And pure silk pants
My perfume comes
From Paris France...

Designer Bags and golden rings
Jeweled tiaras and a
Real mink coat?
What to do with such trivial things?
Except wallow in the
Superficial joy they bring...

Please. Humour me
With stacks of DOUGH
That's street lingo
For cash you know.

I'll sit here and strum my guitar
Whilst I look up
And count the stars...

Please... take your spoils and go...
I don't have time for spoiled souls
I'll enjoy the things that matter most
While you celebrate
charades and toast.

If life's a charade,
At least I'm a player!
You're sure not gonna
Run for Mayor!

C'mon DOUGH BOY
You know that you want
All the goodies that we flaunt!

Yes... I have a real MINK!
And my money has a STINK

But who supports
The people you are?
Why! You're nothing but
Shiftless POOR!

I ain't gotta pay
to play this game
I got a Full Heart I'm all IN!

You can't just buy
Yourself some PEACE
I've learned life lessons
To pay my lease!

Your whole life is inside your wallet
And I'm sorry... but I must call it...

Inside your soul is
bankrupt and foreclosed
It's sad to see happiness is posed

Shiftless, classless and
OUT OF STYLE
But your pretty golden pennies
Ain't worth my while...

You've got cash, but it's just CRASS
Lady. Take your fortunes and

KISS MY BOOTS!!!

WELL! I never!

The last thing she thought
As she hurried away.
She's filthy rich NOW...

... but one day she'll PAY.


(C) SoulSurvivor
(C) Frank Ruland


~~~

do you know what it feels like
not to belong?

the mind is aching,
searching for a place
to call home,
where you get tucked in at night
and finally get some sleep

a place
to feel free,
where you can dance in the rain
and laugh in the pale moonlight

but the thing you refuse
to believe

you reject
in the depths of your heart

is the search
will never stop.

she deserves the world
on a silver platter with a bottle of wine
all of her flaws are beautiful imperfections for only me to discover
she deserves to be flaunted
like timeless fall and winter trends
she has it all
regardless of her not thinking so
with perfect elasticity
& a cultured mind to be put up against that of any other intellect
I see in her everything I know she will be
everything she's destined to be
I see in her what I've tried to see in others but nothing tangible came of the past
I see in her what I want to be
I see in her who I need to be

1
Tom learned a trick
at the playground:
Just say to any adult
"I know your secret"
with a knowing air
and they'll pay you
to keep your mouth shut

2
so Tom said to Dad:
"Dad, I know your secret"
and Dad said: "Oh God!
Son,  don't tell your mom!"
And Dad gave Tom $10

then Tom said to Mom:
"Mom, I know your secret"
and Mom said: "Oh God!
Son, don't tell your Dad!"
And  Mom gave Tom $10

that evening when the priest visited
Tom said to him:
"I know your secret!"
And the priest answered:
"Goodness me, my son -
I never thought your mom would tell!
Whatever you do, my dear son,
don't tell your Dad!"
And the priest gave Tom $100
and promised more