up-close in the paved
walkway boneyard

this is where it will begin,
   so bring your questions.
glimpse into the future.
  standing face to face,
one moment you'll never forget.

immerse yourself

fulfill these dreams, without
leaving a single breath.
                          
           breathtaking.

the same old sense of awe is still
of the most complex nature.

My wrists still burn from 7th grade
when the entire school laughed at me
for having *** with my brother.
But they didn't know how ******* sick it really was
and they didn't know I didn't want it.
So I ran out of class and sat on the bathroom floor,
carving my skin with my favorite earrings
that started off silver but slowly turned red.
I told you I don't wear earrings anymore.

My throat still hurts from the time I tried to drink drain cleaner
but it was so bitter i spit it all out and it ran down my chin.
So I slept all day and all night
because I cried so hard I couldn't keep my eyes open.
I wonder if that's what you taste on my lips,
Salty tears and bitter chemicals.
Is that why we never kiss?

My neck is still bruised from when I was 11 years old
and hung a jump rope from the ceiling in my basement
and tied it in a knot around my neck.
But soon as I jumped off the chair I ******* fell to the floor
with nothing but a rope burn beneath my chin.
It wasn't the feeling I wanted and I cried so long and violently,
I thought my head would explode.
Does it make sense that I don’t like heights?
Maybe that's why I'm afraid of bridges.

My lungs are still full of water from 2011
when I tried to drown myself in the bathtub.
But the water wasn't very deep and it was hard to stay under.
I could feel myself getting dizzy as my head popped back to surface.
So I stood up,
shampoo still in my hair,
and I washed everything down the drain besides my self.
When I told you I don't know how to swim,
I actually meant I'm too afraid to learn.

My ******* still hurt from the boy who thought getting me drunk would make me take my clothes off.
And I hate to say it but it ******* worked.
But what he didn't realize is that at 15 years old,
I would have gotten naked for him anyways.
I would have touched him even if
I wasn't influenced to pour
shots down my throat and coke up my nose.
I didn't have a chance to say yes or no.
I just wanted to have fun and try to forget everything I was wanting
to **** myself for.
But I ended up with a heartless human being on top of me calling me a *****
while I lie motionless about to *****.
When I got home,
my chest was black and blue but I didn't cry this time
because by then I was too ******* numb to care about anything.
I told you I don't like to drink.
I told you my body aches.

My hands are still sore from when I got sent to rehab and met a boy who liked it when I touched him.
He only came out of his room when the nurses helped him walk.
His face was so white you could almost see through him and he only spoke when he wanted to feel me.
Every night at dinner I would put my hands down his pants underneath the table,
until he stopped eating dinner with us.
He was addicted to something bad and he just kind of stopped waking up.
I got sent home but I don't think he ever left.
I waited months for that boy to call.
But he never did.
Every one disappeared
*And now I'm doing the same to you.

i will stop writing poetry like a eulogy when you start making me feel alive

If you could cry a million tears
and carve each droplet with my name
they would not taint my happy heart
for what was yours, you threw away.

Once there was a love you knew,
contempt and lust it's bones did break
until the day your world stood still
and found my broken heart reclaimed.

Another's heart now beats beside
this tired shell, this ragged form.
Another's chest for weary head,
another's arms to catch my fall.

I do not wish to hear your words,
your grave mistakes, your sad lament
I feel no sorrow at your loss,
this lack of you is heaven sent.

She's got a coke face on
like her nose is about to bleed
she's lost in her twisted world
consumed by lies and greed.

Believing that she has it all
I laugh because I watched her fall
her beauty is now lost and gone
and her sorrows she pretends to drown.

Her skull, it shows, there's nothing left,
thin skin lining bone, she's dancing with death.
She's empty and numb, her dreams falling like snow,
sleepwalking through life, she's losing herself to blow.

warmth abound while feeling ground
dark surrounds that howling sound
bitter shards gain entry round
joints dont function, they confound
just consumption to be found
statues crumbled in that town
hope is light, so push it down
change with strain, and to be crowned
swimming up, you cannot drown,
breaking binds, their scarrings round