I just want somebody who wants
to ******* mind at 3 am
who doesn't get annoyed by my jealousy and by me texting them
in all caps when I'm happy and
texting them 6 times in a row
someone I can walk with at the park
and stay 5 hours on the swings
just laughing and talking about anything that pops up onto our minds
somebody who isnt afraid to catch me when I fall for them
I want someone who
kisses my forehead
holds my hands and
never wants to let go
I want someone who knows me
inside and out and
knows what I'm thinking just
by glancing at me
someone I can sing along
to the radio with
someone who chooses me over anyone else and doesn't think twice about it

I just really want that to be you

j.f

je peux vous aime mais vous êtes tout simplement pas la peine ma chérie

And people wonder why I struggle to sleep
My answer
I forgot how to count sheep
After the night you sliced up my dreams and threw me into relentless nightmares.

the day i'm afraid of,
has finally arrived,
knowing  that someone had stole your heart away from me,
early in the morning,
bring me down,
to tears,
i thought i was strong enough,
to face everything.

they said,
i need to relax,
because,
it was just a crush

it was more than just a crush for me,
i've accepted his flaws,
everything,
from head,
to toes,
completely.

you gave hope to me,
with those quiet deceiving eyes of yours,
yet they don't mean a thing.

*******.

i'm getting over you
and this is only,
day one.

I should have kept my feeling locked away
I shouldn't have let you in
I should have kept telling the lie
I shouldn't have showed the marks on my skin
I should have kept crying alone in the dark
I shouldn't have unlocked the door
I shouldn't have told you anything
I should have stayed on the floor
Now the tears stream down my cheek
You said you wouldn't leave me alone
The you let me die like the rest of them
Because of the marks I shouldn't have shown
The thoughts of it getting stronger
But there isn't a quick enough way to leave
Alone until I can find the way out
And there are no lies to believe
Until that time can come
I have to sit and cry
Trapped by my own thoughts
Not wanting to but still trying to die
Breaking the veins and bones
Just to lose a bit of pain
Then the hurt gets worse
So bad that it won't drain
Shattered from trusting
Broken from tears
Heart forever bricked up
So that no one else can hear
Trust now a dream
A wish that won't come true
No clear point in trying
Done with what I've been through
Fine with just dying
And letting it all go
So that I won't have to be afraid
Of letting the emotions flow
Your smile cut me deep
But I needed it more and more
I needed you while I cried
And you left me on the floor
The 9mm at my temple
You didn't notice the red
The splatters on the wall
You never knew I was dead
You took my happiness from me
And left despair in my soul
You robbed me of everything
So I would think you made me whole
To play with my emotions
And make me mark my skin
Is your definition of love
I'm better off without friends

I'm sitting at the edge of every minute you thought should've been your last, thinking.
Thinking about how different things should be verses what they currently are.
What if my fingertips weren't built like the tips of matches?
My hands would be more skin than third degree burns or the look of a kitchen ceiling after a mother's cry for help after burning down the whole kitchen trying to put a meal in front of her children,
with an empty bottle of whiskey in her left hand.
If this is how it needs to be so that you can cope,
you can burn my insides like you're trying to get the attention of a rescue helicopter,
but don't think for a second you can use me to warm up your hands while we wait, don't you dare.
You can treat me like a war zone but you will not shed a single tear over any bloodshed pouring through my territory.
None of this should've happened.
The only tone you'd ever taught your voice was to let your tongue hit the back of your teeth
the same way rain hits the inner workings of a chestnut piano,
you set it in a storm and 'rhythm' loses its meaning.
You've been taking piano lessons since you were six,
your voice shouldn't sound this way.
Maybe if I had learned to let go the correct way,
If I knew there was a correct way.
Either you let go of something and watch it hit the pavement and try to keep the feeling away from your heart,
or you let it slip right from your fingers which doesn't work out well when your fingertips are made of matches and your veins are storing gasoline.

Don't ever fall in love with a poet
because they will indeed admire and watch your every move
they will write about how the pen marks on the side of your palm when you write
don't ever because they will trace
every single freckle you have on your face and
write about the color of each and every one of them and
describe how they smile so brightly under the sunlight
they will want you to want to know every little thing about them
even if it's just what hand they write with and want you
to be wondering why they write with that specific hand when in
reality it doesn't even matter

the poet will watch the way you dig
your eyes onto that book and your small quick remarks onto the 26 letters all crumpled together and will know that everyday at 5:28 p.m. you smile

they will look deeply into your eyes
to see if they can at least take a little
peak of your soul and they will write
about you like if you were the only
thing they see good in this world

they will want to know what you think
about when you look at them and
see if you also count each and
every freckle and hope and write  
that you do but they will
love you endlessly and they will
show you that they love you and only you

but don't date a poet if you aren't
capable to watch them and
admire their imperfections
when they sleep late at night
beside you.

j.f

you're a drug
i'm so addicted
you're so ******* bad for me
but we both know
i'll never leave
we both know
i'll give anything for another hit
another kiss
another hand in mine
another moment where our eyes look
glazed over in satisfaction
so ******* high
god that sounds so good
*relapse