When will I be able to put them to rest,
These monsters in my head.
Why can't I stop my mind from tormenting me and let it go,
Just as easily as people tell me so.

If maybe I could somehow stop my thinking,
I could save myself from sinking,
My life feels like a futile struggle in quick sand,
Oh how I wish my feet could feel some solid land!
All these breakdowns and self harm is my heart crying in despair,
I'm afraid my life is beyond repair.
In need of help but your attention I cannot steer,
How do I make myself disappear?

He lit up her world,
And then left leaving a little bit of his light with her,
She fuels it with their memories or imaginations,
He visits her time and again to gift her that one more memory,
To keep that light burning forever?

Lost, yet why are we still connected,
Why have I given a part of my soul to you,
Why do you deviate from what is needed and expected,
Why am I in a constant loop of circling back and hoping my dreams come true

My mind is slipping in and out of crazy,
That fine line between sanity and insanity looks almost blurry and hazy.

I didn't know what 'I hate you but I love you' meant,
Until thoughts of you consumed me yet I began disliking you up to an extent,
I found myself crying for you,
When actually I should be worried sick about the operation I'm about to go through,
I constantly wait for your overly concerned text or call,
You just tell me not to have an expectation list so tall,
You tell me work keeps you busy and you've always been this way,
But my depressed lonely mind knows we were inseparable back in the day,
You know something is not right,
When you think about it and want to **** yourself and give up this half a decade long fight.
A mindless fight for love.

I started it.
I let you stay in love with me while I was with someone else,
All the while smothering my feelings, my vain attempts to **** it.

You claimed to be with other women to get over me,
Until you found the woman you fell in love with,
Who almost set you free.

Whispered promises of love we shared,
While we held each others heart hostage,
We united with other bodies and hurting each others feelings were not spared.

I wish I had the courage to make it stop,
Instead of us pretending to be okay with it,
And letting a shot at a life together drop.

I am like the book on your night table that you keep but never read,
Even though you were in love with her,
You said I was also what you need.

You thought all that died that day was your unborn child with her,
A part of my soul died too,
Knowing that you two almost held a beautiful moment so dear.

What I did not know was that I was capable of dying a death more painful,
when you made love to her again,
right after I shared my body with you, a union I thought was magical and beautiful.

You casually shrugged and asked me what did I expect,
well then please put an end to this misery that was once love,
and erase everything right up till the first time we met

For if I could relive my past,
I'd make you hit me more,
Because the wounds won't last,
It's the scars by your pointed words that will remain.