it wasn't until the sun rose
that I realized
just how much
I was in love with the moon

I smile the most
When I want to
Cry

I laugh the most
When I want to
Die

I sit here
And I act playful
As we text

But deep down inside
My heart
And my hope
Have failed
And I lay here
Stuck in my head
Unable to leave this bed

I miss having more people
To hold me close
And cuddle
For now everyone
Makes it ******

I miss holding hands
With people
And going on adventures
But now everyone
Assumes that means
I want them

I do want love
And I do want someone to hold
But just because I cuddled you
Or held your hand
Or was goofy with you
It doesn't mean
You're the one I choose

A cuddle
Shouldn't turn
Into a ****

Holding a hand
Shouldn't turn
Into love

So why is that
What I always
Run into?

what once was
warm and close
like a kind flame dancing in the night
the heat of warm hands and
sunlight kissing the trees
now brews contempt
in murky waters
stirring, sloshing with the sliminess of greed.

ooh ooh ooh
   i've  got brain problems
over and over again
   i walk forward

and follow the self
   of the bear
and the dog
   going forward

many years i was
   where i am now
oh what a manifest destiny
   i dream of it all

do not worry
   no problem here
name me a loner
   a wildman