There I am,
running wild.
Free
as the
dandelion seeds
dancing in the air,
nestling into the earth
to make
my dreams
grow
true.

Back to the
subtle pool
of dark and deep
that lay below illumination.

Wriggling, slippery
scales of black
in a pool
so hard to see,
so hard to grasp.

Down the hall
in the realm of control,
pulling into light a dark shadow.

Maybe two, but one.

Pull it close
to touch it in mind,
to know it and own it
and let it go.

So deep and dark
and subtle and fooling,
this pool of mind.

Can't even join the
        rat race

Lonely, sitting here
          caged.

I was twenty-five and suicidal, barreling down 35W, the accelerator, pushed to the floor, weaving in and out of traffic.

I heard the siren and paid no attention until I saw the flashing lights in my rearview mirror, I slowed to a stop.

The officer approached my window and motioned for me to roll it down.

"Mam, you were going ninety-seven miles an hour." He looked at my tearstained face. "Are you all right?"

"Offices, I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking."

"Can I call someone for you?" I shook my head. "Ok, I'll let you off with a warning. Please drive carefully." He pulled away as I sat shaking, realizing what I had done.

Now I am writing this memory, knowing I could have killed someone, and acutely aware it was white privilege which allowed me to escape without roadside consequences.

Now when my housemate hurls racial slurs, I tell her to stop.

In our own space
we are everything
to the rest of the universe
we are nothing
null.