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 Apr 2016
Bailey
Dazzle down my vision,
My concrete velvet need.
I am a flower,
A flower which must bleed
slow colors over
a warm, wild secret.
As my petals drain to white,
I lose the strength to fight
I submit out of
this built in, beautiful necessity
and I wonder if you'll keep it.
I wear my heart on my sleeve but these mean Moth Boys eat away at it every time.
 Apr 2016
Bailey
yes, yes you can look through my heart just
just let me fall asleep first
and make sure
you tiptoe your way through
don't step on
those insults I've kept
don't trip over
those names sticking out like roots
you can walk around the pity if you want
but empathy is what you're walking on
you can't get away from that
neither can I
you can sit in the compassion chairs
everyone says they're so nice
please ignore the band aids on the walls
I'm supposed to get stitches someday
at least that's what mom says
that corner labeled "self love"
please stay away from that
I've worked so ******* it
and when you leave
please keep the door unlocked
I don't have a key
 Apr 2016
Bailey
Today I saw a picture of me in your jacket
and my face fell down like rain
I just can't stop the racket
replaying in my brain
Thrown away
Thrown away
I'm not broken Daddy--please
Why did your love for me fade...
Nineteen days ago
I tore myself from you
Like the soft side of Velcro
Healthy enough to get a clue
Because you stopped calling me "baby"
You started to be grumpy
Didn't try to talk to me
All you did was touch me
In front of your friends like--
Like I was a prize
Which I sort of liked but
Then I realized
I became a body for you
Your way to accessorize
And now you're fine
Even when I said goodbye
My voice was shaking
Even after the news
Of you with her
Because I didn't want to hurt you
You were the boy who
Was better than the ones who bruised  me
And abused me
You used to hate the ones who used me
I don't know where your heart went
I held on so tight
But it slipped away
What didn't I do right?
I'm haunted by
The best memories of my life
I never thought you'd be added
To the faces that scare me at night
You protected  me
Scrubbed the dead skin off
'Til I was squeaky clean
And then you started making me feel *****
The worst part
Is that I feel guilty
Though you broke my heart
I'm just wilting
Like some stupid flower
You picked
Not because it was special
But because it was crying
Please leave me alone
Stop visiting me
I'm supposed to be safe at home
Please, please
I can't wait
Until the day
I stop loving you
And the things you say
Today I saw a picture of me in your jacket
And I wondered as I prayed
Why I deserve
The racket in my brain
This is about the ex love of my life.
 Apr 2016
Bailey
This feeling
is like being little again
and calling out to my mom
with tears in my eyes
because for a second
I forgot that I have just been punished by her
The one who loves me
can't help me yet
not until my punishment is over
But the difference is
with him
there is no "yet"
my punishment will never be over.
 Apr 2016
Bailey
I need to fantasize, romanticize
the tragic things
before my eyes
'cause if I don't, I'll
surely fail
and then how will
I prevail?
 Apr 2016
Bailey
Please stop trusting me.
I love you but you think that's a good thing.
It's not.

Stay away from me.
Don't you know that I'm poison?
I am.

Things don't work out for me.
You say someday they will.
They won't.

I love you so much more than you could ever know.
Go away.
 Apr 2016
Bailey
I walk around as acrylic.
But when I'm selfish I wish I'm watercolor, so that...ya know, maybe I could start my life over with ease.
I live most days as acrylic.
Some days are really hard. That's when I'm oil, and the pressures of it all build up and build up and harden so fast...
I'm constantly reminded that I can't erase a color. I have to keep going.
Layerlayerlayer STOP
Wait, wait I'm turning grey--
I mean gray...
Just wait it out. It's okay. Don't throw my canvas away.
I'm acrylic.
Another color,
There's a layer.
I'll hang up forever.
To be looked at,
and maybe loved.
I walk around as acrylic.
 Apr 2016
Bailey
I've met boys like you.
Sweet, so sweet.
I've met three, to be exact.
It took a year for the third
Three months for the second
Just a day for the first
To hurt me.
All three in different ways.
All three haunting me.
Part of me wonders how long it will take for you
To hurt me.
A bigger part of me doesn't want to find out.
and yet, this makes me a bad person
 Apr 2016
Bailey
With I casted star, and you as scope;
We each hold still, a child’s hope.
That surely as spring
The sky will roll back
The star will fall
And the earth will crack.
But, with truth, is the star of importance?
Or a numbered pawn,
For the softly spoken wish?
But a thought naught many,
What shall be of the star,
When it’s already fallen?
Lying in the dirt
Having already been wished upon
What love shall happen?
Nothing.
The wish granted,
The star dying.
For in the morn’,
‘Tis not my place.
The star shan't get up.
wrote this at the age of fourteen about a boy who was really a man and told me I was prettiest when I cried.
 Mar 2016
Star Gazer
You stole my heart and listed it as sold
You pointed to it and said 'this I will hold'
You said ' I will warm it up when cold'
You said ' I will watch it grow old'
You will grow old with it, I was told
I smiled a smile that was uncontrolled
But like a poker hand, you threw it away and said 'I fold'
 Mar 2016
Torin
I'm dealing with heartbreak
In the same old familiar way
By breaking everything around me
And blaming it on you

By breaking myself
Because I feel I deserve the pain
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