Don't let me Lord into the ripe old age
when delirium is the only thing in my head
I don't know when I **** or wet the bed
my mouths can't open a tube in my nose
takes not but teases the end looming close.

Don't let me Lord into the ripe old age
when my legs just wouldn't stand by themselves
can move me nowhere without a hand to help
I don't know when  I would fall on my face
flirts me but fails me that last cold embrace.

Don't let me Lord into the ripe old age
when the marks of time are mind crunching pain
the ones around me don't see a gain
in the struggled breaths that force me to live
defer their tears to mourn and grieve.

Don't let me Lord into the ripe old age
I beg to leave before my mind leaves me
before the loved ones ask wearily
O Lord why not spare us the agony
hasten the end let him die quickly.

The cloth I gave it as cover for chill
is lying still.

Christmas eve was its last night.

Not that I knew
when picked it up
and gave it back
to the cold night.

I'm still holding it
heavy and invisible
on my heart
as my eyes repeat the scene
of crows pecking out its eyes
the head rolling on the earth
eyes closed.

I close my eyes
scared life could be so thin a thread
barely holding
and incredibly uncertain.

pain will keep you from living a normal life
what's normal anymore?
pain will make you not want to get out of bed in the morning
pain will make you eager to go to sleep at night
pain will make you wonder if you'll wake up

pain will compromise your confidence in your own sanity
what's sane anymore?
pain will make you cry until your eyes stop working
pain will make you ***** every chance of healing you ever had
pain will take the air from your lungs until you stop breathing

i don't want to be in pain anymore

Sometimes, distortion in an image can appear as light.

Especially if you're desperately looking for a bright spot somewhere.

At least the depression's made me prettier, I think.

Not having an appetite lost me the few pounds that always made the doctor shake his head.

I slide my hands across my stomach and waist.

It only took a month to lose that weight.

Prettier, I think, cringing at the sick swirl of happiness that follows.

There's got to be a bright spot somewhere.

And even if that light is false and isn't really there, I'll take it over nothing at all.

Reality can be whatever twisted, fractured place I want it to be.