she fits perfectly
against my stomach.

the lamb and the light
of all we could become,
gentle spirit of the everlasting moment.

the heaven when all,
all we want,
is all we have.

1983.
They homeschool at three.
Buried in junk mail.
Lines, curves and words.
Four and mommy
Teacher and daddy
Principle.
Lie. No outside. Men's law is not God's Law.
Babies come in a few fold.
Oldest resources resourced.
Ladies of old.
Doily and all, almost forgotten.
Stealth and sixteen.
Homeschool all for three.
Work at CoCo's age fifteen, hostess
With the ultimate mostess.
Abandoned dreams lost to babies
Three.
CoCo's, community college and me.
Saturation graduation milked and donned
For lessons.
Job well done.

the night whispers the black water fall of ashes
that bloom into the sparrows of sorrow...


the sorrow sparrows are back again
sitting in the tangled woods of twisted trees.

Van Gogh heard their voices
bouncing off love's walls.

the sorrow sparrows are leaning into me.
my sad eyes, dream of you brother.

I lean into the soft lit room
searching for love's quiet hours,
with sunlight flickering through willow trees.

"don't cry, darlin," my wife whispers.

Three minutes of song
flooded my brain
with images of that night.

It felt like I was there again—
you,
me,
and a deflated mattress.

The window rattling in the rain
as we whispered
our darkest truths.

It’s night now, baby.

Do I still make you stare—
stare into the sky
the way we once did?

Or do I melt
like a snowman in the sun,
leaving a puddle
for you to run through—
laughing,
barefoot,
untouched.

Just three minutes.
I’ll be sure to skip it next time.

But for now,
you can consume me.

I don't want to be optimistic and try to see the good in this.
The only thing I know, I felt confused and you, I overflowingly miss.
I think of you when I shouldn't, our bond, it broke my system.
Would we be living in your seasided place or my crowded steppe kingdom ?
Would we be having fights over others or finally get over this symptom?
My wisdom tells me it's all over now, it's all a phantom.
Is it all because you cannot commit or I expect too much, foolishly?
To feel secure and loved without a doubt, tell me, for this am I greedy?
Our love definitions differ, and perhaps that's why we can't be together.
I wish I hadn't thrown your gifts into the trash,
That beige snow hat and scarf you bought me,
Not as easily as throwing a cheap piece of leather
I am dying from curiosity:
Thinking if you still keep my bear keychain or my grey beanie
Tell me, how's the weather in your city ?
And how's your mother after her surgery ?
I am only certain about one thing, I'd like to kiss your hands one more time, sincerely.
My feelings for you, they are deeper than what eyes can see,
And I'm afraid they always will be.

The moment is passed
     Music from Mateo's hands
     Or a black guitar
The Hours echoing in a
     Jazz still in our earrings
     Or a clock in crocodile's tummy
Tab, tab, tabs
     Left open during our vacation
     Or climbing cliffs with other Id
Maps of Japan in Feudal fight
     During last light
     Or two hearts in a Goth night
Tabs on a browser; pointers in register
     Vectors measuring my life
     Our Life with magnitude and direction
Too many dimensions to feel right
     We reduce the multi-space
     We find the clustered features
     Or the missing tooth, hidden
I will find you
     Across time!
But will love you now
     In the moment

Before it passes

The walls still hum with what was lost,
a silence deep, a heavy cost.

We reach through air that will not bend,
to find beginnings at the end.

The floor is cracked, the light runs thin,
we search for doors that won't let in.

And though the ache has made us new,
it carved our hearts and split them too.