open the gate
who do you hate
"people who know who they are",
he said
i have to leave
i have to flee
I'm now in a country where i can't be
who i want to be.

open the gate
who do you hate
"everybody but me",

The worst thing in the world
Is the days where you feel like nothing matters
The days where no matter what
You can't enjoy what you usually do
The days where you feel nothing
And everything
All at once
Like styrofoam covered in gray and blue
The days where the sun is out
But you feel the rain drops hitting your sleeve.
The days where you scrape and stab at your skin just to feel something.
To feel anything.
Or nothing.
...

Life feels like a carousel
Spinning and spinning
I want to fall off
Too much happening
Nausea sprouting
Anxiety rising
More future scars appearing
Spinning
Spinning
Spinning
All alone

An unfinished poem
An unfinished song
A nonexistent place
Where everyone feels like they belong

An imaginary escape
Fake people with open arms
A mere dream of a place
With no hurt or harm

The real world with endless pain
The true world with tears and grief
The actual world
Where I'm not allowed to be me.

Come one, come all
Come see this display
He once stood tall
Come now, don't delay.

Show and tell,
A sight to see,
hopelessness etched into my skin
I realize I'll never win
Ha. Silly me.

Sleeve fell down
Everyone saw
I want to run away
And break the law

He goes through pain!
Everyone see!
Ha. Silly me.

I wonder if you even know
How much you affected me
I wonder if you even know
How hard you made life for me
I wonder of you know
Why I get panic attacks
I wonder if you know
That I get panic attacks
I wonder if you know
Why I hurt myself
I wonder if you know...
That the cuts you made fun of me for...
Were your fault...

ignore the hunger
keep the lion tame
you have joined
the hunger games

**** in your stomach
cover it up
with an oversized hoodie
this *****.

ignore the hunger
ignore the hunger
they'll start hurting you again
if you eat
if you eat
you'll go through the same pain
i want a new brain

ignore the hunger.
survive longer
lose weight
never take

welcome
to the hunger games

I once saw the beauty in fall
With the colors
And joy
And holidays

But now I just see the leaves dying
And falling hopelessly to the ground

Funny how your perspective can change so quickly.

hard
to talk
about

yet
hard
to avoid

haha
that's me

everybody
hates him
nobody cares

everybody
wants to
shove him down the stairs

haha.
that's me.

Last night I cried myself to sleep
The night before as well
Tonight I can't stop crying
And life feels like hell

Scrape the paint off the walls
Make me feel insane
Scrape the skin off my arms
Let me go through pain

My tear-stained pillow
Can't take any more
It soaks up my sobs like a sponge
Unlike the cold hard floor

Cold
I think I know something about that word
Like your heart by the end of the year
Left with nothing but migrating birds.
Leaving.
Running away.
Hope for happiness
... one day

i still remember the first time i texted
988
i was in the 6th grade
crying
holding a Swiss army knife
bleeding
from my shoulders and wrists
and heart

it was 2 in the morning
i was in my room
they gave me a list of reasons of why i shouldn't
it didn't stop me from trying

one week later
i texted again
same story
then the next week
then the next
they started to recognize my number
they remembered my name
every time
i haven't texted them in a while
i wonder if they miss me
i wonder if they're happy i haven't

i kind of miss them