When did I detach myself from the current of reality,
eternally fused to the nothingness that awaits us?
To become a slave of dreams and machinations.

When did I become another heartbeat,
longing for fantasies of love,
only to find the anguish that comes from human desire.
Knowing that we are powerless to our fascinations.

How many days go by, as we long to be remembered?
For art, for name, for doing, for living
only to reach the same end of obscurity.

They call me a deconstructionist, a detester of life.
But are we not worthlessly tied to this current of life?
We are born with no concepts, no meaning, an echo of what is to come.
& that same echo escapes us in the end.

I keep dropping everything for you,
but you won't help me pick anything up.
Instead, you drag me away from my pile of things,
so we can pick up yours, and go back to that place.
That place isn't my favorite, in fact it's the worst.
I can't speak, or sleep, or even eat.
I'm suffocating in this casket you keep me in,
while all my things grow mold and become so overwhelming.
So overwhelming, which means it's hard to face them.
And so my pile of things keeps growing,
and I keep helping you clean and organize-
in the hopes that you'll help me clean up just a little bit of my own.

I met this boy when the pandemic began.
My mind was swimming in dark seas,
but this boy- he made me happy,
even if it were only bits and pieces so rare.
I met this boy and my tears disappeared,
laughter filled and echoed around me,
and I finally smiled regularly.
I grew fond of this boy in record speed,
but I was not the only one whose mind swam.
His mind was deep- submerged completely,
and it could be so hard to reach.
I tried, but I could only do so much-
and the water consumed and devoured me.
Even now, I’m slowly sinking-
a prisoner of this vicious, unrelenting sea.

I used to imagine a future-
and I was genuinely excited to see
exactly what was meant to be.

Now that future has disappeared-
and I’m scared to walk this trail
knowing that everything I try will only fail.