lately
I feel like I'm floating
an outsider looking within
even with friends
this feeling never came up before
why do I feel it now?
stuck outside
set aside from conversations
left boxed off from friends
reduced to nothing but
an outsider looking within

Dear HP,

This is not a poem
But a question
The answer to which
I do hope you have

Why does my lover claim to love me
But still looks for every opportunity
To let me go?

Is it that she loves me so much
But doesn't think she's worthy of me

Or she doesn't love me enough
To think I'm worthy of her?

Clock ticks,
The pen scribbles.
Pages fill,
Drowned in the letter.
In my mind,
Hallucinating,
Day and Night.
A void chamber,
Forgot my key inside.

Today the birds chose to sleep.
Today the sun began to cool.
Today I didn't feel the need to live.
And today my soldier came back.

There wasn't a single tear from the skies.
Silence. Second silence. Third silence.
But no silence could ever heal my heart.
So I cried for an eternity. Then two. Then three.

Waiting for him to calm me.
Waiting for someone to calm me.
Waiting for sleep to calm me.
Waiting in silence for an eternity.

I LIKE TO SAY YOUR NAME

I like to say
your name

when you're
not here

turn you
into sound

conjure you out of
thin air

so that you appear
before me

dressed in sound
only

memory sketching in
the rest of you

as if sound
was just an outline

and love
colours you in

adding the voice last
so I can hear you say.

"Hello you..!"
and there you are

as present
as present

can be.

I like to say
your name

when you're
not there.

my desire for you is like a dead language
it aches that you can't understand it
and I can't speak it.

- A Secret