.
In a destined voice I shall speak my heart
beyond waning sunsets with colorful smiles
and fields of dancing sunflowers,
waving at me in the breeze like they know me

Standing here above all else,
feeling taller than I should
builds a certain strength in my soul,
energizes this tired, once worn out man with new life

Breathing the altitude’s wintered air,
a rush of splendor entices a gleam in my eye
For whatever beauty I may see, there is always her
and I can truly look nowhere else

I have climbed this peak, fought the terrain, the cold,
clawed and scraped on this day
so that the world below, humming autumn tunes,
meandering like ants performing their duties

Would know what I am about to say,
in this moment of peaceful serenity,
eyes wide open, conquering my fears,
pulse racing in fevered flow as anticipation swells, is true

Taking a deeper breath burns my lungs, but in a good way
as I move two steps closer to the edge, gather my balance
and shout from this apex of the world,
“I love you more than anything”
in hopes my desperate echoes find her listening

Shhhh
Can't you just listen
Please for once
I know God gave you ears
I know you can hear
but it is so much *more than that
Please just *listen
To the sound of my voice
Take in the words
that I am saying


No
Uh uhhh
Stop right there
Can't you see I am hurting
Do you not see the pain
You do not have to fix me
Sometimes you just cannot
Please just hold my hand
Hug me
*Hurt with me

Stuck in the cloving of seasons,
Mourning the falling leaves,
The long, hot summer hours,
The dusty flowers,
Tired with their bee-filling,
Wanting only sleep.

I am torn for loving summer,
Regretting nothing:
The summer flings,
The two-up rides on tree-lined paths,
The running, ducking laughter in the summer rains,
The sparking, smoking skies of 4th July,
The too-warm walks and wanting shade,
The pleasures of a new-cut lawn,
And you, the constant sun-bather there-upon.
The sweet embraces you and I shared in the nights,
Knowing seasons last for just a while,
We celebrated summer through it all,
Not wasting time before the coming Fall.

00000
I love you, Melody Joy. db

she is all but
gone from me now

sitting quietly in her chair
a mix of memories
and medications

she used to be fierce
and bigger
than her four foot nine inch frame

but now bones and flesh
fall and curve in
gnarling hands and feet
making  her skin
look and feel like a letter
read a thousand times

her voice once so rich and strong
once full of opinion and humour
is now but wind
sighing through ever present pain

I miss the quickness
of her wit the most,

But I miss the mothering more.

Time has reversed our roles
and the decisions are all mine now...

She has out of sheer weariness,
having battled so long, for so hard

aceded her will
to the slow walk of dementia


She sits quietly in her chair
memories gathered
about her, as her companions

Some days it is like I am not here
and others,
she is not there

The days we meet
in passing....
or for a a good while
are gifts that shine bright
at least, in my saddened mind

On the other days,
I hope and pray...
she finds herself
amongst friends
in happy times...

as she wanders slowly away from us

I don't want to go back,
I don't want to turn around,
go on picking up every tear I left on the road,
collect on every good moment
that we shared,
gather together the nights we laid broken
those nights that we at least had each other,
search for those still remembered suns
that shone upon us,
those a thousand marble furnaces that
woke up with the opening of your eyelids;
each morning.

I don't want to recollect,
I don't want to remember,
I don't want to reminisce on where love took us.

The lovely seas we sailed on,
the magic shells we spotted on the beach,
the gardens you likened me to,
when you said I was far more prettier,
than those well arrayed flowers.

We are here,
In the now,
You found me in shackles and you brought me free,
you held me in your arms,
you wrapped me,
you put your lips on mine,
moons later,
and I was complete.
And you gave me this.

Here and now.

I don't wanna go back,
I don't want to have any regrets,
I don't want to ask questions
of where I stumbled
and forgot to pick us up both nicely,

I want to stay here,
I want to stay here and be yours.

Every second yesterday was beautiful,
today is indeed beautiful,
but
Tomorrow is the only place I want to go,
the only place I want to go
with you.

.

Sluggish, my eyes barely focus,
headlights seem faint
through this cracked windshield
in heavy traffic, bending lanes
with detour signs collecting travelers
like gas station snow globes,
displayed in between blurred white lines

Monstrous *** holes shake me awake
from the thoughts crawling
deep within a weary mind,
a casualty of a night to forget
which will not soon be forgotten
as digital numbers, glaring red
catch my eye and I see . . . 5:38 am

Darkness instantly engulfs the cab of this truck,
dash lights cringe and flash hypnotically,
out of round tires draw skid marks
on a lonely winding pavement
As my feet fall through the floor boards,
scraping on glass shard encrusted asphalt
bleeding beyond the speed limit

White knuckles grip the wheel
while doors become giant guillotines,
slashing at faux leather seats,
exposing rancid foam leaking
battery acid on the engine’s severed heads
Everything begins to spin, losing control,
as I finally screech to a halt at a stubborn traffic light

When I glance to my right and I see her,
singing along with her radio,
more beautiful than any song I’ve ever heard
She notices me staring and smiles,
then rolls down her window and blows me a kiss,
I roll down mine as she points to a little coffee shop
and says, “Care to join me?”  I nod in agreement

I once again catch a glimpse of the clock . . . 5:39 am,
but suddenly time no longer matters

Route 84 would not lend me
the light of a star last night
Radio blazing at 75 mph
nonsense noise to chew gum by
Crackling political commentary
Static of distance and thick clouds
Invisible mountains blocking
Memories seeping through the cracks
coating the music in a film
I rub my eyes
watch myself punch alert buttons
But it’s the angels’ jukebox tonight

Roll down the window
Watch the heat escape

Summer again

I am building a castle of ancient stones
pulverized by relentless tides
Dragged across maps by mastodons
and mammoth glaciers
The scouring hiss
the ocean sighs
Time has lulled these smoothly
rolling them in the softest hands of sand
and gels of life’s comings and goings
tenderly tumbling
in the millionth moonrise—
Time deposits them here
wet and glistening

For the girl with the plaid two-piece to gather
Shoulders sun-burnt barely say
one week only,
one week of the fifty two
“It’s the time of the season…”
and daddies on the beach are watching….

She has chosen yet another stone
And the castle continues—
in oblivion to all but her legend…

     The queen will be safe here
     from the rabble
     The disgraced Tristan will surely seek her
     Among these lofty cliffs
     Between the raging circuit of the tide
     Here winds forbid the vengeful mob
     Here lovers learn
     the debt of love’s bad timing
     “Drink ye all of it!”
     --the potion that assigns our sorrow….
     She will not sleep—
     while I chew this gum--  GUM?

Roll down the window!

Angels escape with the heat
Waking me with the brush of their wings

As that eighteen-wheeler hugs my flank
And leans on the horn
Lights flashing
Rude rumbling under right tires
Tantrum of snow
In the draft of mass and velocity

…and the angels?
They’ve chosen another good one!
They must’ve liked the 80’s
Their wings slapping the windshield madly  
Their hands steady the wheel