Pharmaceutical Commercial
A senior serene woman
with blissful eyes
lays down in a garden of dandelions and kale
spreads her legs to the warming sun.
"Lack of desire? Ask your doctor about Libidothan.
Side effects may include:
Nose bleeds
liver damage
heart failure
marry your daughter
make you touch your toes
stand on your nose
Grows hair on your head
Gives you *****
Grows hair there too
Makes you feel so funny
like a long neck goose
make you shout out
baby that's a what I like!
Inform your doctor
if it cures you or kills you"
Phone Tree
"Please listen carefully for our menu has changed. Your business is very important to us.
Press one to speak with the universal complaint department.
Press two to find out the exact moment and cause of your death.
Press three to find out who your lover is having an affair with.
Four to speak directly to god or Santa
Five to speak to satan.
Please leave a message.
This voice mail is not monitored.
Have a nice day!"
Pastoral Chic
(On the label of chicken parts)
The McDougal family farm
set in the rolling green hills,
Petaluma California,
Where small towns know how to live,
And neighbors take care of each other,
Our family farm,
Five thousand square feet
of slaughtered chickens
feeling the love of what it means
To be in a family farmers tender care,
From our ****** floors
to your dining room table,
From our family to yours
with tender loving care.
(No antibiotics/gluten free/humanely destroyed)
Please feel free to add your own.
"Feel so funny. . ." Jerry Lee Lewis/The Big Booper; Chantilly Lace/jp Richardson, 1958.