my love and devotion for you
was a wavering candle light
held to my chest to shield
from a wicked wild wind
it dripped wax onto my unsteady hands
scalding my fingertips
a foreign burn seeping into my skin

(my love) became my sole source of comfort;
a wooden fireplace
in the depth of a cold Chicagoan winter
thawed my heart of ice
and you breathed life into my lungs

every time you beamed at me
I  found myself
falling in love with your smile
'til I had seen that same lopsided grin of yours
flashed to someone else

and so,
the fire in my soul gave way
to waves after waves of relentless jealousy
that which pounded
against the shores of my heart
carved away gaping crevices
in the jagged ridges of my ribcage

in one final encore
black acrid flames returned in full force
as I clawed off
my flesh and bone
tearing at the itchiness in my blood
and the taste
of iron in the back of my throat

here I am
another one of your victims
with third-degree burns

my nerves are burnt beyond repair;
I no longer feel anything for you

Orion's Belt, graced the sky as
I gazed; words cannot compare
To the wonder that a moonlit sky
Offered me that night.

My heart was a led weight.
I began to drift into
A space as vast as this
Celestial constellation
Above me in the sky.

The heaviness of heart left
An emptiness.
But there was something about
Those stars
They spoke to me in
Silent whispers, gentle caress
A love I needed.
A night I wished could marry me.

I wanted enveloping with love
And I searched,
Continents and oceans,
Lands and skies...

You never wanted me,
You wanted the idea of me
The shining diamond so comparable
To the night.

You saw what could be.
And I allowed you to dim
Then so subtly steal
Light I'd filled myself with
Since a child.

© Sia Jane