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annie Feb 2018
12 was a punching bag
****** the other direction
eyes closed, uncontrolled
breaking down each fibre

13 was self-hatred
competition turned cruel
replacing his hand with mine
trying to peel the fat away

14 was tornadoes
clouding all vision
unsure where to turn
chaos in the aftermath

15 was betrayal
perfection not cracked
however hard I try
why could nobody see?

16 was manipulation
lust lists marked as friendship
number six he said
others just a picture

17 was spoonfeeding
syrupy silver words
up and down
all that work for him

18 is unclear
speckled and sparkled
not shiny and new
but trying to fit the puzzle
annie Jan 2018
sitting here
faces pass
one
     by one
          by one
               by one
masks
reflecting reflections of all the others

pry beneath
what remains
but empty husks
trying to feel full
injecting themselves with smiles and dreams
only to wake
empty once more

blur
numbness inspires
absorb radiance

dull shines brighter
annie Jan 2018
there's nothing like the feeling
of letting go after holding on
so tight for so long

u n c l e n c h
feel the blood rush through your fingers
the energy flow through your soul
every fibre melting

letting go of what was
what could have been

filling instead
with warmth
and kindness
and the feeling that maybe

your own energy is all you need
nothing better than letting go
annie Jan 2018
hey
i know im not perfect either
i just wanted you to know
that i would just appreciate if maybe
you realize that i am an adult
and i dont appreciate when you try to teach me "lessons"
about my personality or whatever.
i know my flaws
and i hate myself for them
but i also work so hard every day to better myself.
you really don't know enough about me
to be treating me like you do.
i know you dont care to know me
but that also means you dont get to tell me how i should be.
i know i laugh it off 99% of the time
but like it actually gets me really upset,
i just dont like to make a scene like that.
if i made the same kind of comments to you,
you would stand up for yourself -
but its really hard for me to do that.
i guess all im trying to say here is
please understand things from my point of view
because i'm trying to push myself in the right direction
and i just wish you wouldn't try to push it back.
what i wish i could say
annie Jan 2018
nothing is right
no look
no feeling
no t o u c h
except yours
your soft grasp
encasing every inch

but i can't t h i n k
this isn't right
but is it okay
anyway?
i wish you could be the one for me
annie Jan 2018
I just want you to know
you're a good person
and I think you're cute
and you should go to bed
a cute text i got tonight. really needed it.
annie Jan 2018
there's a hole in my left arm
it's not big
you wouldn't notice it if i hadn't told you
but trust me
it gnaws
boring darkness through my veins
rooting itself within my shell
it smells a little
rotten eggs
growing
permeating the air all around
i try to sleep it off
starve it away
carve it out

nothing helps

it will consume me
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