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 Apr 2015 CJ
Heather Anderson
I want to be an inspiration.
I want to have someone look up at me,
My neck is too sore to keep looking up at everyone else.
There are many that overshadow me.
I try to get ahead and I reach out for the light,
But the shadows that they cast are far too big.
I have such big shoes to fill.
But I’m still growing as a person,
And that takes time.
And maybe some day I will get my own pair instead,
And they will fit me perfectly.
 Jan 2015 CJ
halfheartedsoul
I can shout to the world,
A hundred times over
That I deserve better.

Yet how can I,
When I don't believe it either.
 Nov 2014 CJ
whorefrost
Eradication
 Nov 2014 CJ
whorefrost
I keep finding bullets stuck between my teeth
The same ones you bought the day you decided the ceiling would look better covered in blood.
Maybe that’s why everything I say
sounds like it’s is trying to **** me.
But what do you do
when you stand in front of a mirror
with a gun to your head
and your reflection smiles back at you?
What do you do
When you stand in the middle of a busy road
And every driver is a different version of yourself you’ve tried to ****.
Every version of yourself
No one could love.
My mother used to get in fist fights with the mirror and expect to win
She says I look just like her
Maybe that’s why I wake up and can’t recognize who I am.
I checked the obituaries this morning
Trying to find myself again
It’s a habit I picked up from you
But I never thought your name would end up there before mine.
Sometimes I imagine what death feels like
Sometimes I imagine kissing you instead
By now it feels like I’m imagining the same thing.
Someone once told me that begging you to come home
Isn’t the same as praying
Maybe that’s why God stopped listening
and started smashing the windows of every place I thought we could be happy in.
Your smile looked a lot like the light at the end of the tunnel
Right before the train hits you.
I used to squint my eyes when I looked at you
Like I was looking at the sun
Or a car accident I wanted to be part of
I’m sorry I ever thought you could be anything ugly to me
You were the only beautiful thing in this hideous place.
I couldn't look at you clearly,
because I knew I would see my own face staring back at me and
your eyes were the only place I never wanted to be dead inside of.
You can only break your knuckles so many times
Before you cant hold yourself together anymore.
My hands haven’t stopped shaking since you left
I don’t know how to tell them you’re not coming back.
See, I used to say I never wanted to end up like my father
Now I have to say I never want to end up like you,
Which means I can’t leave without saying goodbye
But I tried to write my eulogy last night
And realized it's hard to write about someone I never knew.
 Nov 2014 CJ
Emily Tyler
Jealous
 Nov 2014 CJ
Emily Tyler
I have a boyfriend
I shout to myself,
Pinching my upper thigh
And blinking away from
The sight of them.

She giggles and I notice
Her laugh is lopsided
And she's too short
To be that loud.
Her shoulders are too far forward
And even I notice the
Gross stain on her
Upper left canine
Between her braces
That are bright, neon green.

She's my best friend.

I don't mean to think of her in that way,
I love her like a sister.
But it pops into the front of my brain
When I see them together.

I don't even like him
In that way
Anymore.
I have a boyfriend,*
And all he was
Was a whispered fifth grade crush.
That's what I tell myself.

He looks at her like
She's a million bucks.

Her crooked teeth
Earn her six cents,
In my opinion.

I take it back within a second,
But the thought was still there.

Jealousy makes me into a monster.
 Nov 2014 CJ
CapsLock
Darkness, madness, fiery ligth
in the depths of my eye.
In the dark pits of my mind,
resides one desire I can't satisfy.

At last the storm does start.
No more this fire I can confine,
violently taking over my heart.
I hear one whisper that isn't mine.

Voices that talk from behind,
the silence gets broken.
My unconsccious mind
at last let's the doors open.
 Nov 2014 CJ
Sarah Spang
Difficult.
 Nov 2014 CJ
Sarah Spang
If hers is a long and lonely climb
Atop her distant perch,
His then was a lengthy trek
Across the endless earth.
Inspired by sunshine and Nickelcreek. Always means always.

— The End —