you're the gravity
that grounds me on my two feet
*but i dream to fly

I wrote this for you because there were times I wish someone had written this for me-

Stop hating your reflection, stop hating the girl that is in your mirror. She is you, and you must love your fingertips to your eyelashes, your toes to your stomach all the way down to the edges of your soul and the depths of your heart.

Stop letting him be your world. Have you ever looked at a map? Have you even seen where the rivers go? Have you ever realized that you can get in the car and go? Don't tell me no, because it's true. Instead of following the rivers you let him create them and they flow down your face. Stop swimming in your tears, don't drown in his consuming love. Swim far away and resurface. Breathe in and out. Get out of the water and dry your tear soaked face off, and don't swim until you're ready again.

Stop letting your insecurities shape your mind. They're like needles injected into your body, leaving injuries and drops of blood while extracting your strength to put those thoughts to sleep. You have to learn to form your pretty little fingers into fists and start fighting off those nagging voices in your head that say you aren't good enough. Throw a punch, take a hit, get back up, wipe the sweat off your forehead and do it again. Battle until you come out bruised but on top, exhausted but a winner.

Stop letting him be your measure of worth. His attention and love will never, in your lifetime, fill the void where your own self love should be. He, nor any one guy, will ever fill your heart the way your own self love could. I promise you that loving yourself is so much more rewarding than someone else loving you. I promise I promise I promise.

Stop making excuses. Are you really happy or is that what you project? Is your smile real? Does he make you genuinely smile anymore? Are you falling asleep in his arms feeling alone? Are you?

Stop reading these words and start doing. I wrote this for you because I know he never would.

Something within her withered,
The darkness swallowed her whole,
Pain came forth, as memories remembered,
In both mind, body and soul.

Why does she remembered such memories?
At such a time like this,
There are no remedies,
To cure and let her feel heavenly bliss.

Silence took over in the pale still room,
The voices in her head became louder,
The innocent light within has met its doom,
As the darkness won by its' overwhelming power.

Her demons inside slowly awaken,
Her world turned to red,
She seeks revenge for being forsaken,
All the love turned to pure hatred.

Will my heart ever know contentment?

Will my soul ever really be still?

Will my desire ever really be completely and fully to love as my God loves?

Will I ever know more than the constant struggle against evil?

Will I ever meet those who truly desire the truth?

Will I wallow in self-pity, resentment, and an obnoxious desire to gain knowledge?

Will I desire love, gentleness, kindness, self-control?

Will I live in the moment, and not be lost in hopeful dreams of tomorrow?

Will I commit to what has been put before me, or will I selfishly wish for a situation which I deem better?

Will I follow the steps of the one I call Lord, or will I simply make Him a feel-good-friend?

Will I live by faith, or live by security?

Will I seek out equality as opposed to prosperity?

Will I look for those who are lost, and offer them a way to be found?

Will I live a quiet life, without ever making a sound?

Will I treat my God with reverence, or have I already lost respect?

Will I listen to the cries of the broken?

Will I answer their desperate call?

Will I give up my life to live for others?

Will my desires matter to me at all?

Will I make the sacrifices a disciple must make, or will I allow myself to fall?

Will I live my life the way I hope to live it?

Will I live by God's commands?

Will I seek to blot out injustice, and offer deliverance to all?

Will my cry be to destroy the wicked, or to save the broken?

Will I reach out my arms to the hurting?

Will I embrace the crack addicts, prostitutes, pimps, drug dealers, and warlords, as though they mattered to me most of all?

Will they matter to me at all?

Will my heart break for the millions trapped in slavery?

Will I answer their desperate call?

Will tears fall when I hear of death, pain, and destruction?

Will I react at all?

Will my heart move when I hear that faint call?

If not, I would rather not live at all.

Let's write a love poem built out of plaster and garden gnomes
We'll staple it together with our memories of bad weather
And we'll fill it with our hopes and dreams
Between the two of us I think we've got enough so it'll be bursting at the seams
Cuz I've never met someone who's got such a sparkle of life in their eyes
And that's all it's gonna take to put the twinkle in mine
You shine like roses and smell like the stars
I mean whoops!  You've got me stumblin' over my own heart
What I meant to say is you're looking exceptionally pretty today
Not that you weren't pretty yesterday or the day before or that tomorrow you won't blow my mind...even more
You've got a wonderful smile and a fantastic laugh
But even better than that your mind shines like a thousand stars
And your soul beams like a billion rays of sunlight
It spills out so radiant from your eyes
And see that's where I get lost
That's when I get those moments of soaring through the skies
It's not when we lock lips it's when we lock looks and start to read each other like books
Our souls intertwining into a three strand rope
And that rope's been binding up my heart gettin' tighter since the start
Cuz see I've never believed in soul mates but you've got me second guessin'

Let's write a love story stitched out of pain and sorrows
Made of hardships and forgotten souls we borrowed
Let's fill it with joy and glue it together with God
Cuz if it's God's wind in these frail sails then this tiny ship will never fail
And when we reach land He'll help us blaze a trail
Take the long way round so we can bask in the sound
Of our harmonic voices remembering that love is all about the choices
But if we forget that we'll end up voiceless
Drifting further apart as we follow the other noises
And I don't want that I wanna keep makin' choices
Choices to pursue no other woman than you
Through and through that's all I wanna do
Cuz I've never believed in soul mates but you've got me second guessin'

Let's paint a picture of a beautiful rose
One that sits amidst the thorns and thistles
Yet despite all that it flowered and flourished to its fullest potential
Slowly but surely unfolding each and every petal
Exposing all our darkest secrets as we hammer out these hearts of metal
And let these roots grow deeper and thicker in the soil
Remembering that love is all about the choices
And even if we lose our voices we've got our gazes
And when the haze is strong we'll listen to our favorite love song
And if we lose our hearing we'll just hold each other tight
Breathe each others breath all through the night
The rose'll get redder and the stalk'll get thicker as our hearts flicker into one, unified thrum like the beat of a drum and, 'you can wrap your fingers 'round my thumb'

Cuz I've never believed in soul mates but you've got me second guessin'

When I was a kid
I remember watching the comedy channel
Not in my own house, mind you
My parents were too smart for that
When I was a kid hanging out at my friend's houses watching the comedy channel
I remember
A slogan
Time.  Well.  Wasted.
And I remember thinkin'
"Oh!  Yea!  I like that!  Imma sit here a lil' longer!"
I was just a boy at the time and that's as far as the thought got
About a half-hour later we decided time was better wasted building gigantic, man-eating snowmen.
Eventually I went home
I wasted some time arguing with my parents about schoolwork, ate a bowl of cereal and wasted the next 8 hours in a comatose
I woke up to waste the next several years of my life figuring out how to waste the NEXT several years of my life
Somewhere in there someone told me I should do what I feel called to do so I wasted time waiting for a sign of some kinda magicy, Jesus voodoo
While I was waiting I wasted time reading Ecclesiastes and learned about what a waste of time it is to read Ecclesiastes
So I tried filling my time with all the things that weren't supposed to BE a waste of time but then I didn't have any time so I fell flat on my face on the edge of the vortex that is the human condition!
And I cried, "God!"
"Why do you waste your time with a foolish and selfish sinner like me?"
And the almighty, holy, infinitely incomprehensible, incredible God of the Universe replied
"Time.  Well.  Wasted."

What if i were built for ***
Yours on command
******* and a small brain
pleasure me this
we'd both be satisfied
me draped on your arm
diamonds draped on my wrist
all I'd want is your hands on body
your mouth on mine
I'd breathe for you and little more
but that's not the way it goes down
tell me again how you just roll over....
while I cry curled up in in the corner
at the end of the day
everybody gets played
my eyes are wet and my body dry
unsatisfied
sweat as much as I can
for nothing
never enough and there's nothing left for you
that you can't do for yourself
you're just one more thing undone
take your rough hands and leave me alone
I'm too used to it now to even give register the thought.
Or what if we went back twenty years
When I was still clueless and crazy about you
If I'd just thought with my thighs
Blind
You filled me up for awhile
But I wanted more.
Yeah, a family and a home.
I should've backed away faster.
We should've watched that movie
What if none of this happened.
God knows I'd be drunk by now
and you'd be ******.
At least then we wouldn't realize
How hollow life is
The things we didn't get but always wanted
Wouldn't be screaming in the back of our throats
And we wouldn't be screaming at each other.
What if you said one kind word....
What then
I'll never know.
This is all you get
a woman with big brains and sagging skin
Built for dreaming
And little more.
Forever dissatisfied
No better than your thoughts on a cold night
You lose, didn't you
What if you hadn't said yes...'
What if I'd waited for YOU to ask the question?
That might have been a better forever
than this....
12/12/09
TL Boehm