Liquids of sadness
Falls from her eyes
Just too many why's
She did lived in lies.
This world is a liar

What a satisfaction it brings
When people are left off wondering
Search me until you are lost
I'm always close to nothing
Thought I was near but lightyears away
No one will ever know
The universe clothe my soul with galaxies
Which part of me do you love
Have you met me in all my dimensions
No one will ever know
I'm the kind of paranoia that bothers thy peace
Impulses are destructive so it did to me
I was buried in ocean deep of secrecy
A masterpiece of mystery.

I ain't afraid of the dark anymore
I ain't afraid of horrible loneliness
You know what I'm afraid of?
You and you and you
All of you.

You didn't even see it?
You disguise care as salt to my bleeding wounds
No one understand it at all
The more you come close,
The more it's getting crowded for me
My neck, my whole body, I am strangled
I can't breathe!

Every time you speak
You blow up a big paranoia in my head
Your bullets are betrayals
Your daggers are false hopes
You are already killing me

All of you.

Rainbow smiles
Do not match her lifeless eyes

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

I couldn't even write a poem when I'm too sad.

Multiple pains a day
Is enough to **** me
The other way

I'm not even crying.


That **** is dangerous.

My lucifer is lonely

there is no safe place
i've been around the world
there is none
all i see are wars and terrorism
****** prejudice, wrath and rage
there is no safe place
that is an illusionary imagery
because we like to believe
we're safe and sane
we all are not
we are naturally born animals
born to survive,
will steal and **** if we must
we all are kings and slaves
of ourselves at the same time
there is no safe place
anyone can harm you,
avenge for yourself
no one else would do

They admire my strength, my bravery
And how well I carried it all
They said I made this far

I wish they knew that
Even after years,
I am still on day 1 of grief

The praise I get for being alive
Is a mockery for the pain I go through inside

many people would want to make me believe
that I am valuable and loved
many had promised to keep me on their side but
it's funny how it is 1:00am and all I have is myself
it's funny how foolish people think they are capable of what they promised to be
but it is funnier and even more stupid that people like me are believing such foolishness

look who's hurting

Did you see the roaring wilderness
In the midst of rainy night's silence
The vultures eyeing for prey
Beasts thirsty of a ****** play
We're walking into the forest
Of danger and nothing but grimmest
Nightmare of your past, present and future
The only choice is to be fond of no stature
Do not run
Just have fun
Feel the chilling ambiance
Hear the fading  resonance
You belonged here
There's no escape, dear
But trust me,
Do not trust anybody

--

The foe I hate the most
In nothingness it makes me tremble
My strongest trump card is useless
I have never seen any traces
I have never proven its existence
It knows how to twist my beliefs
Even the memories I hold on to
I hate it because I'm clueless otherwise
Some nights it goes silent,
Then surprise me with a scream
But what scares me the most
Is that I feel it lives from within
and sometimes I just want to **** it

20 years of wondering why
The happiest smiles are owned by loneliest eyes
I sleep for 8 hours and wake up so tired
I give everything I had before I realize I'm gone
No one has taken me away but
All of them let me slip away
I am willing to save you all even it cost my life
But none of you stayed with me in my burial

and please be careful when you say that it was over
I will not come back when you say that you miss me
I will not come thru when you beg me to save you
I will not go to places that will remind me of you

"I wish I have their life"
A generic script that we say
When things are rough
And life is hitting hard
But we only see the good point of view
People don't often share wars or battle scars,
Only pictures of victories and glories
We barely knew that every champs
Are also losers at night,
Ironically sobbing,  
"I wish I have their life"

When fear creeps into our land
Know that God is always our great Helping Hand
No matter the disease and number of deaths
In God's mercy, we find peace and rest
If you feel like hope is fading away
Stay with your family at home and pray
Do not ever underestimate
The power of prayers and faith

You don't have to be a soldier
To win your own battles
You don't have to be a doctor
To heal your wounds
You don't have to be an artist
To paint your own life
You don't have to be a teacher
To teach yourself how to love
You don't have to be a chef
To spice things in your day
You don't have to be a pilot
To control the direction of your path
You don't have to be an engineer
To build your own reality from dreams
You don't have to be a musician
To harmonize your relationships
You don't have to be a scientist
To discover everything
You don't have to be a millionaire
To have everything

You don't have to be someone
To know that YOU CAN.

Walang Pamagat
: A Spoken Word Poetry by Stephanie Dela Cruz

Malumanay ang pagkumpas ng mga kamay ng orasan
Sumasabay pa tong nakakabinging katahimikan
At ako? Nandito sa loob ng apat na sulok ng munti kong silid
Kabisado ko na ang bawat detalye ng kwartong ito ngunit ito parin, nagmamasid
Na para bang nasa ibang lugar ako, nangingilala, nagtataka
Tulad ng kung paanong maraming tanong ang gumagambala sa katahimikan ng sandali
Mga tanong na habang pilit kong hinahanapan ng sagot ay mas lalo lamang nagpapaalala sayo
Sayo at kung anong meron tayo… noon
Para ka rin palang kwarto ko.
Kilala kita, kabisado ko na ang takbo ng isip mo
Alam ko kung kailan ka nagsisinungaling kapag sinabi **** “okay lang ako”
Alam ko kung ano yung mga tugtuging hinahanap-hanap ng pandinig mo
Alam ko kung paano magniningning ang mga mata mo kapag nakakakita ka ng cute na aso
Alam ko dahil inalam ko, alam ko dahil ipinaalam mo, alam ko dahil ginusto kong malaman
Kilala kita, kabisado ko ang bawat tibok ng puso mo
Pero muli, para ka rin palang kwarto ko
Na kahit gaano kita kakilala at kakabisado, naguguluhan pa rin ako
Nangingilala;
Nagtataka;
Dahil kahit naging malapit ka sa akin ay tila parang napakalayo mo pa rin
At kahit gaano kita kakabisado ay hindi ko pa rin alam ang kasagutan mo sa mga  tanong na iniwan mo sa akin kasabay ng pag-alis mo sa buhay ko:

bakit.

Bakit ka pumasok sa nananahimik kong buhay para pasiglahin ito at sa huli ay iwan ako?
Bakit mo ipinadama sa akin na importante ako para lang isang araw ay ipadama na wala na kong halaga sayo?
Bakit mo ako nilapitan nang may ningning sa mapupungay **** mata at matamis na ngiti sa iyong mga labi?
Bakit mo ipinaulit-ulit ng bigkas ang pangalan ko na hanggang ngayon ay musika sa akin?
Bakit ka nagpakilala para lang sa huli ay limutin?
Bakit ka lumapit sa akin na parang isang apoy na nagbigay liwanag ngunit siya rin palang tutupok sa akin?
Bakit ka dumating sa buhay ko para lamang sa huli ay lumisan?

Ang daming bakit pero iisang bakit lang ang gusto kong sagutin mo.

Bakit mo ako iniwan ng biglaan?

At hindi naman ako tanga.
Alam ko na iba tayong dalawa.
Sabihin mo nga sa akin kung paano ko hindi bibigyan ng pansin ang sigaw ng mga kilos **** sinasabing espesyal ako?
Paano kung sabihin ko sayong pinakinggan ko ang bulong ng puso mo noong unang beses na inaya mo akong kumain sa labas?
Paano kung sabihin ko sayo na narinig ko ang pangalan ko sa pagitan ng pagpintig ng pulso mo noong inabot mo ang mga kamay ko?
Paano kung naiintindihan ko ang ibig sabihin ng mga biro **** nagpapahiwatig na ako ang gusto mo?
At paano kung sabihin ko sayo na nakita ko ang nakaukit na ‘mahal kita’ sa ningning ng mga mata mo sa tuwing magkasama tayo?

Hindi naman ako tanga.

Alam mo ba? Tayo ang tulang ito.

– walang pamagat

Kumbaga sa linya ng isang kanta ay “oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo”
Na katulad ng isang pelikula, hindi lahat ay nagtatapos sa happy ending
At katulad ng isang nobela, masaya man o malungkot, lahat ay nagtatapos

Sa lahat ng nobela, itong sa atin yung kuwento na hindi naisulat ngunit nagtapos
Natapos ngunit walang paalam

Kahit wala tayong pamagat, gusto kong pahalagahan ito
Dahil ito yung meron tayo.
Medyo magulo pero ito, tignan mo, naisingit ko na yung salitang “tayo”

Sayang.

Sana kumapit ka pa.

Naiisip ko pa rin gabi-gabi kung bakit ka lumayo
Patawad, naaalala pa rin kita kahit hindi ko naisin
Patawad, umaasa pa rin ako na babalik pa sa dati ang lahat
Dahil naniniwala pa rin ako na nobela tayo
At hindi pa nagtapos ang kuwento noong huling beses na humakbang ako palayo at hindi ka nagsayang ng segundo para lumingon sa direksyong tinahak ko

Naghihintay ako.

Mali pala ang pagkakagamit ko ng mga salita.

Wala pa tayong pamagat

Ngunit malay mo balang araw ay magkaroon din at habang hindi pa dumadating ang araw na iyon, ipipikit ko ang mga mata at ibubulong sa hangin na…

sana malaman mo na mahal din kita.

You are a wanderer to my soul
Who keeps searching patiently
Until you found a love that I thought to be lost
A love that is shattered is never in vain
It doesn't even loss its value because it isn't whole
You pick it all up, you claim it
Like it belongs to you all this lifetime
You are carrying those pieces with every might you have,
Making sure that it won't be harmed anymore
Because you treasure it,
You treasured me when I thought I was nothing

I, as a claustrophobic,
it is even worse to be trapped
in memories created by us
but left to be cherished by me
alone...
it's so many!
that there's no more space
for peace and self-healing
and you, as you are,
do not care.

don't reach for the stars
in the galaxy
reach for my hand
and lemme shine for you
and with you..

the point has come
daggers wounding your skin
walls are pressing you in
then music will play victory
good news you wanna hear
are coming, and that's good
but no such feeling could
reach your core and encounter it
-- just pure nothing.
hold on, worry not my dear..

i will lift emptiness with you

what feels like home
is remembering the taste of morning breakfast
while the sun is still sleeping
and the coffee beans smells so fresh
it is the wake up time and how
you loved to stay in bed for five more minutes
when mom yells at me for not
cleaning the sink properly;
it is waiting up for dad to come home
waiting for his hugs and chocolates;
it is when dad back hugs mom while she was busy
and I'll laugh coz I think its funny because she'll complain;
it is when brother is extremely mad at me
after being caught of playing his electric guitar
it is when the doggos are playing with us
in the middle of the night while the tv is on
what feels like home are simple little things
that made us want to go home
instead of finding reasons to escape
I'm coming back to the same house everyday
but still I miss to feel what true home is...

When tears has gone
It meant something
That someone had wiped it
Vanished the sadness astray
Relieved the pain away
Vibrance will be the same
And sunshine would came
Beginning starts at the end
Of yesterday's dark clouds
Because tears are gone
But another rainy day will come
And how to keep calm
If thunders are inside the roof
And how to be happy when
The tears are pouring again
Louder than thunders
Heavier than hurricanes
And the one who wipes it out
Is now the reason why it fell to the ground
When sunshine is there,
It isn't there forever
When tears are gone
It isn't gone forever.

aren't we suppose to die once?









I thought I died yesterday but here I am, alive, but dying.

Again.

Why lies are made to be beautiful?
A question that's left hanging on my soul
Is it a compensation for breaking my heart?
That it's better to see me smile while truth depart

The universe is so sweet
The sky is blue, the sun will lit
You and me in our own fantasy
But I never thought fantasy is also false reality

Remembered our very first "once upon a time"
We keep forcing our poems to rhyme
So we created lines of wonderful memories
One's that we both know never exists

This made me think of something deeper
behind every word is a story of sober
People intend to lie on purpose, do they?
Just like how everyone desires the truth behind "we're okay"

I love the smell of winter
No sign of danger
Snowflakes falling
My heart then stops beating

Hypothermia
A daydream of insomnia
Looks like Nirvana
I believed in this drama

Winter -
Oh I thought it was winter


                                   No.



it was summer..






..................... fiery



thing that made things blurry.





It's you and your dagger
You stabbed me, I was in danger


I thought it was winter until I become a goner.

Why do you have to leave
Can't you hear my tears echoing,
Bursting when the moon is full
I do not want to be alone
In a cold, dark, scary place
You gave me light
In the morning but
I need it at midnights
In the woods
Sorry.
I am just childish
Because it frightens me
It is killing my soul

Wordless is when my mind is full of unnecessary thoughts,
Goosebumps run down to my spine yet still numb
Tears-free eyes are the worst
It shines but it means collision of doubts and self hate
Sometimes i just dont like me :)
If others do the same, i'll understand
Wordless is when I can put these into poetry but will remain void
For it will never be heard and
I will never be heard
I am the noise that nobody wants

She is so fragile that no one can ever touch her soul without leaving a scar
But she would rather choose to be shattered than whole
She's fond of bleeding in love for the sake of affection
Others might think of it as insanity
But is it insanity to crave for the same kind of love she always gives?
If yes then call her crazy and she will pay you with the warmth on her smile
One day will come, when everyone will be so done of her curse
I pray that the queen within her wakes to claim her majesty
She was worthy before she even knew it,
She was lovely before anyone told her so
She is never a curse, but a blessing to this world

you are a beautiful mental disorder
that whenever my mind is thinking of you
it delivers me tickling signals in my stomach
giving me smiles in most difficult times,
pressures in my heart but lightly and gentle,
the symptoms aren't visible with bare eyes
so I tried to search my soul and meet yours
my knees are trembling and makes me fall
--in love for you
you aren't a disorder, I was kidding
you fixed me :>

Sometimes like a fireworks
Just full of colors;
Sometimes like a bomb
Just so destructive

we are just breaking one another's hearts.
don't blame it to the universe.
we're all the same.

My overthinking surpasses honesty
My anxiety and fears surpasses sincerity
I hope you do not grow tired of reminding me of serenity
-- like the old times, like before, like you always did
As I fix myself, I hope you are still there
I hope you will still hold my hand when I lost control of my mind
I hope you will still be a safe place for my destructive nightmares

And if time comes and you didn't,
Remember that I have truly loved you while I am hating myself.

I grew up realizing perfection doesn't exist
But if it does, I think you are the closest meaning of it
Your hair again falls stylish without effort
Your dimples showing off
Your music tickles my soul
It touches the very strand of my allured mind
Your shine is more than enough
To light up my world forever- like in movies
I couldn't forget the day I saw you on the screen
You are making the huge crowd admire you more,
Without even noticing it,
They shout your name with enthusiasm
As my heart does when I'm never existing to you
Just plain. You and your bass, you set the stage on fire
You hit every note with the so-called "perfection"

I knew it was back then
I couldn't forget every detail of how you looked
I memorized everything I recognized about you
Curly hair, charming eyes, gorgeous dimples
They mean "perfection" to me

Sounds eccentric but my mind is dictating
That we should know each other, we must
Too bad, we didn't. Not even a single glance of dejavu
Our lives resides on different galaxies
No memories, no talks, no interaction - plain nothing
I tried to search our lost, stolen moments
But I got nothing but eyes full of tears
Begging the Divinity to somehow collide our stars
But no. Because I forgot the most important thing
You are the bright star and I am a dead asteroid's dust
A particle unseen in a vast majesty of celestial bodies
All I could do is watch you from here, lightyears away
You are embracing the sun.
A dust like me will never be the sun.