I keep trying to piece together
a functioning poem but nothing
is fitting the way I need it to
I guess it's a symbol of my mind
Or anything  having to do with me
I have pieces of unfinished business floating in my notepad
all I can do is write the episodes of my life that flash in my mind
I didn't pay for a drive through movie
but I got in free
except it's all things
that've happened to me
A showcase of my emotions
over the years plastered in my mind
on a giant screen
I don't ignore you
I want to hear every word
you speak so I never forget them
but how do I explain
"I didnt hear what you said
I was watching the episode
of when I broke his heart
the morning after his birthday
I'm sorry will you repeat that?"
I always loved picture frames
as a child thinking they could hold some precious moment I never had

Childhood
more like a broken swing set
in an abandoned park
If little me only knew
I would be walking around
with thoughts of you
I have a list of things that replay
in my mind and I fear it will never stop
I am an abandoned house that is only filled with pictures of my memories
Sometimes I feel so fragile
I think if you were to hold my hand
it would shatter
The paint is peeling from my walls
and there are holes in my floorboards and after walking in the dark
of my house for so long
i believe I've fallen through
one of them

My only hope is when the
sun finally rises I can crawl out
to reconstruct
I will replace every fried wire
and every broken board
I will paint and furnish
until my head is my home
and that doesn't sound
like a nightmare anymore

My only hope is that you can stay until I've sent every demon my way packing

I am here, risen up
from dust
and I sit in the sand
beneath the mangroves
as fruits fall around me
thudding softly in the
strewn leaves.

We sit here,
where I am,
these fruits
and these insects
and small reptiles,
watching the clouds roll in from the east,
where the ocean sprawls,
lavishing the beach with delicate hands
under the phosphorescent moon.

We all sit here,
the fruits,
insects,
reptiles,
the ocean,
and I-

We watch dense clouds roll in
as distant flashes of light
and gongs of thunder
grow more frequent-

we sit-
we watch-
and we wait-

for the rain.

I seen my fair share of hardships in this life.
When I was younger I spent my time in the bars.
Trying to drink away my pain and sufferings.
But they were still there the very next day.
I spent time trying to escape myself and my pain.
But my pain and suffering kept following me everywhere.
The thing that I learn no matter how much I ran.
I could never escape my loneliness and being single.
I know now God shall have his plan for my salvation come about.
And if me being single makes it happen then I shall stay single.
For I can not have it both ways and so may his perfect plan for me happen.

Heart beats violently
Eyes start blurring
Pace is pulsing
Mind is racing
Tears are pouring

The first time I learned what *** was, I was 10. My parents didn't even have "the talk". No. I found out from a boy, grinning as he rubbed his erasers together. I asked my mom, "Mom, what's ***?" and because *** IS SOMETHING I SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF, she said something like "You're to young". TOO YOUNG TO KNOW HOW LIFE IS CREATED?! And let's not forget the time I learned what gay meant I thought it was a bad word. The word my classmates laughed at and called each other. I watched my first Modern Family episode in the third grade, my closed minded comments spilled out and increasing got more homophobic as I watched my fathers laugh feed into my immaturity. Looking back, I'm disgusted. I was a candle, dim but had the potential to light the dark room, surrounding me. I just hadn't been light yet. The time I realized I was a feminist i was twelve. So eager to please and maintain my perfect child persona, that being told my "bra strap showing was disgusting" I cried my way through pre algebra. To ashamed to tell my friends or family. LIKE YES. I HAVE **** UNDER MY SHIRT IS THAT A ******* PROBLEM?!All I could think of was how my MALE ASSISTANT ******* PRINCIPAL CALLED ME OUT AND ISOLATED ME ALONE, MAKING ME FEEL ASHAMED OF MY BODY AND MY GENDER! I shouldn't have felt ashamed of sexuality **** I shouldn't have felt ashamed of my gender. NOBODY SHOULD EVER FEEL ASHAMED OF THEMSELVES. Here's a letter to past, present, and future self, and to all those little girls who were raised to be closed minded and ashamed, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, EVERYONE IS WORTH LOVE, YOUR BODY IS NOT HERE FOR MALES TO GAUG AT. YOU ARE MORE THAN A *** ITEM, AND IF A MAN EVER MAKES YOU FEEL ASHAMED OF WHO YOU ARE, KICK HIM IN THE *****, FLICK HIM OFF, AND WALK AWAY. BECAUSE HONEY, US WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN THAT ****!

The days that the golden sphere of the sun shines,
out of my grass green eyes
are the days that turn into evenings
and my head is on my pillow
and all I want is noise!
I want the loud traffic jamming horn beeping,
Wind howling family shouting noise!
The calming chaos of sound to help me fall into a deep sleep.

The days that my mind explodes,
foggy grey cluster of clouds take over.
I am no longer a person.
I am defined by the bustle of thoughts
that race around inside my mind,
like a racecar determined to reach the finish line,
but my mind is no finish line.
My mind is no longer in my possession.

That day,
the fog clouds over
my head is once again on that pillow,
all I ask for is silence.
The silencing of my mind.
The silencing of the four walls trapping me in.
I’ll do anything for silence,
The soft soothing silence.

I felt a
flower
in the sun:
like feeling
without touch