Please excuse me for this
I am not especially articulate
In the art of relationships
© 2014 Christina Jackson

She sleeps in a meadow
Fields of blossoming flowers

The scent carries her away

She isn't here, nor there
or anywhere

She sleeps under diamonds
Shinning so bright
Always disappearing
on the clearest of night

Daybreak awaits her
She tries to run away

The roots of the flowers
They grab hold

Pleading

You cannot run
You cannot hide from me

Lost in her own world; all alone

Nothing good could possibly come
of her returning home

© 2014 Christina Jackson

Words cannot explain the way I feel
at this moment.
I watched you die, I watched you
slip from this life.

Chest compressions, nurses on top
of your hospital bed giving you
CPR and trying to save your life.

It took you five hours to die-
3 critical codes. cardiac arrest.

I saw your heart, the echocardiogram
Your heart was beating so slowly,
I could barely watch what was happening
outside of the emergency room.

I felt numb, I felt nothing;
in the moment, I couldn't feel
a **** thing.

I have cried many times and
I feel absolutely guilty for going
out to dinner, and spending time
with friends and family without
you here.
I know you wouldn't want me
to stop living my life.
But by god do I feel guilty for
trying to live my life.

This poem isn't eloquent or even
beautiful. However, I feel I had to
release this pain I've been feeling.

It's as though a knife has cut straight
down from my chest to my stomach.

This pain is inconsistent-
heart disease is so common
Most people don't even think
about it until they are in the same
situation.

I can't write anymore,
if I do I'll end up falling apart.
© 2016 Christina Jackson

As I sit and stare-
The water motionless,
yet moving along
I gaze upon eternity here-
With white rip tides,
gasping for air
I sit and stare-
The waves endless
in shape and form
Life pummels toward you
without a care-
© 2014 Christina Jackson

I'd tremble at the thought of your touch

That ever awakening blissful feeling
when your hands moved up and
down my spine

Sensually daunting thoughts enter my mind-

A shock of pain quivered through every
lonely bone of mine

I don't own the skin I'm living in,
I shed like a snake leaving leftover
moments of borrowed time.

Those moments gone now, slipping
slowly through the looking glass
of my eyes

All that you are and ever will be
Is just a fading memory
Lost in between the cracks and
crevices of time.

She is yours, and sadly I've been left behind.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

They call it Devils Cut
90 proof, a bottle full
of liquid luck.

I drown myself-
in the bottle of
delicious lustful
drunkenness

Waiting for you
to come home to me.

But-

I will never have you-
As I want you.
Your love runs deep-
deep into my bones.

There will always be
remnants of you, crawling
through my skin.

The gentle breeze of a
summers wind-
Reminds me of
every hanging whim.

I love you dearly
and the devil
cut my heart-
ever so cleanly.

You are no where
near, and never will be.

Always an invisible force-
waking me from my dreams.
© 2015 Christina Jackson

It is not death that kills us-
Rather life that swallows us whole

The pain and suffering-
Oh, how it comes and goes.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

And sometimes you just have to dive head first

into the rhetorical ocean called love

and lose all inhibitions

trust your heart

and follow it down

to the depths of

your hearts

core*

© 2014 Christina Jackson

Am I doomed?
Doomed to never find love.
I could spend a 100 years writing about it,
every day I walk this earth.
Am I so broken?
That love is confused
and the arrow of Eros has evaded me once more.
Will it ever find me?
I stopped looking long ago.
Afraid of what I might find,
that misery loves company.
© 2013 Christina Jackson

Early morning shadows
spill onto the grass
The trees look like people
casting theatrical plays upon the fence
Swaying back and forth
gently amongst the wind
Early morning shadows
make my heart sing a wonderful tune
I'm watching the time creep by
as the sun gracefully moves across the sky
The shadowed petals make a beautiful design
as if they've become larger than life
Early morning shadows
are such a delight
© 2013 Christina Jackson

A drop of solitude-
takes me away

Passes the fortitude
of my dying days

The elixir of pain-
Draws away my
suffering breath

Curses my youthful ways

A drop of solitude-
Is much to little to
bear

A glass of oak barreled
brown deliciousness

Expects nothing but-
My lying ways

Heaven held in a bottle
is where I'll comfortably stay
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Hemingway once said "there is nothing to writing,
all you do is sit down and bleed".
Not his exact words, but good enough for me

So here I am, and here I'll bleed
Your love was the death of me
Those sharp thorny words
pierced the very best parts of me

So Hemingway, Is this what you expect of me?
No hidden messages, just ****** crumbled papers
in place of where my heart used to be

So here I am, and here I bleed
I'll go wandering
off into the dark corners of the city
Following the tune of all the drunken laughs
I'll make it eventually, at last

So here I am, and here I'll bleed
On this chain smoking night
By the river, without you next to me
© 2013 Christina Jackson

Your words have become voids-
in the vast universe,
I awake from my dreams
and feel you next to me

An invisible energy that cannot
be touched or seen.

I want to feel your life force
your warm body beside me

The void of your words have become
the abysmal fog that floats
through my mind

I can neither imagine life with it
or without
You encompass the whole of my
existence
without existing in any physical
shape or form.

You have become the beautiful sunrise
by which the light creeps through
my windows each morning
and the comforting moonlight
before I drift off into another
sleepless, painstaking night.

I want you next to me, the void of
your words are replaced by the silence
of your eyes peering back into mine.

The most terrifying, yet relieving
feeling I have ever felt in my life.
© 2015 Christina Jackson

"If I could give you infinity in an hour, I would bleed the minutes from my body. Just so you would know what it's like to feel infinity within a hug" © 2014 Christina Jackson

Life slips by so quickly
in an instant you've
lost your way

My voice echos
on into infinity

Forever guiding you home
Where I'll always be

My heart; a loving place
you can forever call home
© 2014 Christina Jackson

I am not for the meek
the weak
or the faint of heart

I am fire
And passion

Blazing trails of dust
in the faces of every man
that wronged me

And now I wake
Rise to the occasion
and let the sorrow in

Today is for the wicked
and tomorrow we sin
© 2020 Christina Jackson

I have no words for how much I miss you, I am speechless and growing mute.
You were always a piece of me, attached as though a puzzle
You've pieced me back together, little by little.
I'm growing smaller by the day
eventually I'll be nothing but
little bits of dried up clay
© 2015 Christina Jackson

I want to let you in

Courage or courtesy; who will win?

If I never find the courage to tear down these walls
Please forgive me, if I’m not courteous about it
Don’t let me fall, cause I want to let you in

Strength or weakness; who will win?

If I never find the strength to let you in
Please forgive me, I’m fighting a battle
I can’t seem to win
If my weaknesses are too much for you to bear
Let me know, I’ll excuse myself
And you can simply forget about me

But if my ability to have the courage and courtesy
Never falter; and if my strengths and weaknesses
aren't too much for you to handle

By all means, you’re welcome to stay a while.
Cause I want to let you in
I want nothing more
© 2014 Christina Jackson

To hold you, even just for a little while
Eternity in a hour

Time is such a sweet commodity

Your warm arms around me, there's
no place I'd rather be.

Forever tangled up in you,
would be the most wonderful
dream come true.
© 2015 Christina Jackson

"I live, each and everyday to the fullest, not fully knowing if the decisions I'm making, are wrong or right.
However, I live, because with each new day, brings a chance to turn those wrong decisions into redemptive rights.
Not all in life is as sweet and delicious as apple pie. There may be bitter batches at times. Though always remember, everyday upon waking, be infinitely grateful you've been granted a chance at new life.
Don't waste it, make your mark. Grace the world with your imaginative mind. Regardless if the world disagrees with what you've done so far.
Always remember and never forget, that it is your life. Live it in kindness, and always be mindful of your words. Have a voice, be confident, spread your wings and soar"
© 2013 Christina Jackson

A thousand days
I have walked

A thousand nights
I have pondered

A thousand days
I have wandered

A thousand days
A thousand nights
I have waited
To feel like I'm home again.

© 2006 Christina Jackson

Her hair flows into thickly currents
Withering through my mind
Grasping my emotions
Like the tides
And waves
of the ocean
Motionless
Trapped;
Pushing farther and wider
And faster
Never a miss
She tugs at my heart strings
So beautifully a violin
She holds on to her hopes
And dreams
Forever wishing she could win
We all soon find out
Life is like a game
We all must play
To reach an
END.

© 2012 Christina Jackson

And I'll whisper your name on my lips
That brief moment when I could still feel you there
It's an empty space that I don't wish to replace
anytime soon

You meet certain people at the right time
They come into your life for a few minutes, hours
even years

Sometimes you get those people who are meant to be
lessons, mixed up with the ones who will always stay

And sometimes you fall so ******* hard
you stumble through the days
Forget time exists

Your brain is wasted on fantastical thoughts
and unrealistic expectations
That narrative you wrote in your head
doesn't actually exist

And if we don't tell the people we fall for
how we feel, are we supposed to go
through life wondering what if?

Cut the ******* cord
burn it to ash
*******, just tell that person
and who knows
the feelings may not last

A temporary feeling
They could just crumble away
and isn't that so true of the time we are given?
I won't let myself wait for you

We waste it away
and wonder years later
what happened to that person
we thought we loved so much

It was like a fire inside of my heart
the logs burned long and bright
Oh, but darling it was snuffed out
without a fight

I was never worth fighting for
And if you don't go down screaming
for the ones you love
what is the ******* point?

I want to feel ALL of you
the warm breath on my skin
Whispering nonsensical *******
into my ear
it doesn't even matter
or have to make sense

And to taste you would
be a sweet ******* dream
Always slightly out of reach
And that hail storm hits you
knocks you off that pedestal
where I so foolishly held you

And your fingers, those hands
once held this face, these hips
and I forgot what it felt like
to love, the way you taste

To have any ounce of hope
and it ******* hurts
Knowing I can't have you here
the way I want you
Unavailable in so many ****** ways

I crush my own heart
I don't need help from anyone else
And yet you are still here, not
actually here with me
An intangible thought

Your body makes me want
to commit sins the gods would
strike me down
for thinking such thoughts
Please, forgive me, I'll confess

Your lips leave me hanging here
like the former shell of a human
a ghost without a home
because home was always with you

I could turn these buildings to ash
with these flames inside of my chest
It was beautiful to watch it all burn

I was worth fighting for
We were worth fighting for
and you let it all go to ****

All of these moments with you
disappear into the abyss
© 2020 Christina Jackson

Your lips leave an impression on my soul
I am always sad when they have to go


© 2014 Christina Jackson

I am broken, and breaking apart
bitterly; day by day.
My mind has wandered far, far
and away.
I cannot seem to fathom this reality,
dreams are my only escape.

I am broken, and breaking apart
bitterly; day by day.
This world is too much for me,
you have always been my reason
to stay.

Without you I am numb to the world,
and I want so badly to feel again-
To feel you again.

I am broken, and breaking apart
bitterly; day by day.
© 2015 Christina Jackson