-"Someday I'll love myself, every bit of myself, but not today, today doesn't belong to me..."

"Sweet child, everyday belongs to you, every single one of them, they're all yours.  You are to use them wisely, every one of these beautiful, dreary, sad, wonderful, and scary days...My dear naive one, you breathe the very essence of life, deeply kept safe and tucked away in the corner pockets of your soul. Everything you've ever needed in this life, has already been given to you, open your eyes, you aren't dreaming. Awaken what is true to you; open your heart, free your mind, let go of insecurities..Free the light that's been trapped for so many years, just let go, let go..."

-"But what if I'm too afraid? What if I can't achieve all of these aspirations I have? What is it you presume is holding me back?"

"Listen child, it's not about the "what ifs", you must know and understand, they don't actually exist. You've put them there, barricaded yourself in, and quite frankly, you're so lost you've forgotten the way. All these walls, all this stone, you must dismantle it, slowly, stone by stone, day by day. Be patient, and you will see, everything will fall into place, slowly but surely. Take your time, be kind to yourself."

-"You see, all this stuff I've been through, it hurts, it all still hurts. I know it's in the past now, but just how do you expect I get over all of that?"

"Someday, sometime soon, and it may have already happened, but it'll occur to you that all of this suffering you've had to endure has gotten you to the very time and place you are now. It's all for a good reason, though you may not see it so, it is true. Everyone, they're all here for a reason, all of you serve a higher purpose. However, I don't hold the knowledge of what that is. That's up to you to figure out."

-"I'm just...so..confused, and everything isn't the way I thought it would be, I'm just not happy.."

"I think you've been missing the point, happiness isn't something that can be held in the palm of your hand, it's a feeling, a beautiful and wonderful feeling. I know, not all is as it seems to be, life is very deceiving at times. Some people will trick you, break you, and just hate you. It's up to you, don't let all of those discerning people get you down, they don't matter on your path. They don't walk the same road you do, and never will. So forget about it, and move on. Don't wallow on the little things. It's not worth your time, and that, I can confidently tell you, you won't have enough of...Are you beginning to understand?"

-"I think I'm beginning to..

There is a bridge
built between the
isle of me and you

Seperation of the soul
and heart

The bridge is classified
as a historical landmark

Consecrating our love
that stood tall-
and did not fall

Throughout the years,
of historical architecture

It is constructed of
celestial materials
Unbreakable in the
hands of man

There- Underneath
the bridge a current
flows
An infinite supply
of water
That never submerges
nor erodes

The sacred bridge between
his soul and mine

In the middle of it-
Stood statues and columns
symbolizing the ancient
roots of our eternal love

But there was no boat,
that had ever sailed the
rocky harsh currents below

It was unbreakable-
The water was rough
to bear
Regardless, our love
was rare.
It is the fleeting waves
and thunderstorms
Beneath nights clear air.

Violently gravitating
one another closer
and closer throughout
the years

The moments in time
were disappearing
Rapidly dissipating into
the watery depths of the sea

In this lifetime I fear-
We will never meet

Our compasses have
been broken
And I feel the bridge is
drifting out of sight

The constant I have found-
Is our love will never die
Our bridge will never fall

Love is in us all along
Forever young
Growing strong
© 2014 Christina Jackson

I see the ground and the sky
is it above or below me?
Quite possibly I'm blind
The world is always spinning
But there's not much time
The sun is slowly dying
and I haven't accomplished
my dreams, so what am
I left to do? But just live my life
Do, feel, see, touch, taste, experience
whatever, wherever, with whomever I'd like
And eventually, my soul, It'll fly off into unknowns
And finally, oh finally, I'll be on my journey home.
© 2013 Christina Jackson

"It's like you reached your hand right into my heart, and plucked those very words from my soul.....I know, I know, it's okay, you don't have to say, cause' I know, I know.."
© 2013 Christina Jackson

Letting go-

A sign of
universal flow

Letting go-

A necessary requirement
if you wish to grow
2014 Christina Jackson

I can feel it, deep within
Something's blooming inside of my heart
Penetrating the depths of my soul
It's knocking and knocking
I'm no longer afraid to let it in
A phoenix rising from the ashes
Infinitely renewing its beauty,
time and time again.
My heart is calling to the wild
A feeling as wonderful as
the gentle touch of a passing breeze
gliding across my skin
This invisible thread
tugging at my heart strings
Pulling me closer
to something beautiful and new
Not a lot in life makes sense
But I know one thing
that will always be true
Love has no middle, beginning
or end. Love has always been
And love always will
© 2013 Christina Jackson

May your dreams be everything you ever dreamed them to be
Drift off into a slumber of sweet visions and fantasies
Think of me, when you lay your head down to sleep
I'm a lullaby, whispering as you nod off...
Just dream

© 2013 Christina Jackson

Wound so tightly in my grasp
Forever within heart’s clasp

Your love is ever lasting
My smile it’s quickly masking

The deepest depths of my cries
Oh how I hurt inside

I'm trembling
Trying to find the right words to say

Love, just arms reach away
Oh how I wish you could stay

This sorrow, so gently placed
My eyes widen with dismay
...........If only
If only you could stay


© 2012 Christina Jackson

I've been waiting-
For the life that's draining
from these veins-
To come alive and revive me again.

These cuts are a violating-
obsessive compulsive disorder
I cannot, refrain.

As I stare down at the blackness
of my blood.
I wonder if this is all-
that I am made up of.

It's as though little streams
of water are running down my
legs.
The scent of copper, and the warmth
of the sun.

I can feel it on my skin.

Enveloping me

Crawling through my blood

Reviving me again.
© 2015 Christina Jackson

"Music releases the soul like a dove during ceremony, it's beauty unmatched. It's wings free, yet birthed out of the idea of slavery, considered a caged being. As if birds could be tamed, or used for entertainment rather than fond adoration." © 2014 Christina Jackson

Twas the night, the night
I could not sleep, through
thy gentle eye, my iris's
would peek, and sing
a lovely song, that puts me to sleep.
A melody so charming, I think
It's time I dream, of all those
sheep, and they dance about
my head;  98..97..96....almost to bed.
Those persnickety little voices,  just wont
hush up, it seems I can't find
the mute button.
Just my luck
© 2012 Christina Jackson

Twenty three years; A short
life lived.
The day I die inside little by little.

The older I become the more I
resent life for being insufferably
calloused and bruised.

The pills, the billowing clouds
of cigarette smoke radiating through
the air; The sweet
intoxicating smell of liquor.
Pearls before swine.

No longer does it make me feel
as though I'm part of another.

Life gets the best of us, age is
just a number we all seem to
succumb.
And nothing is enough.
2014 Christina Jackson

There once was a girl, that thought she could rule the world.
But her reality was broken, and everything she once had was now lost and hopeless.

She could feel the doom like a storm brewing off the coast
Everything she had went up in flames, only faint vapors of smoke remained

It wasn't in her best interest to lose sight of what she wanted so badly
Her grip was too tight, she squeezed the life right out of her dreams
and let them float by.

Only blue skies, or so she thought
Her eyes weren't focused on the prize
Just the thought of holding that prize as her own.

She couldn't have known it would end this way
No one saw it coming, the boat gradually sunk
and she was lost at sea.

With no one there to rescue her
She sunk quietly
into the night.

To her, there was no feasible end in sight
She lost all inhibitions and wouldn't let go of her pride.
Now she tries to justify her actions with excuses and lying eyes.

Her ship has no sails, and no captain to steer the wheel
All she wishes for is a way out of here.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Racing, to beat the clock.
Forever we hear, the tick
the tock. Can we never
escape the mockery of
the clock? I fear I'll never
replace, all the time now gone.
Time is such a funny thing.
It consists of science,
and answers to secrets
once lost. I can't begin
to explain, all the time
we've been wasting.
Trapped in a circular
motion, of rings and
dings. This cycle, it'll
never end. I used to fear
death. But now it's time
that's no longer my friend.
Today is just another day,
lost to oblivion, and we're
all just wasting away.
So go live your life
and waste not another day.

© 2013 Christina Jackson

It was not in the way he spoke his words that made her fall in love with him
It was the way in which he directed those precious words at her and only her,
that made her heart melt through the floor and fall for him more and more.
© 2013 Christina Jackson

I see more than you know
As well, I see what you fail to show.
Those hidden in discrepancies
So blatant, you glow.
With lies, hidden beyond promising eyes.
What you see and what I see,
are parts of two different worlds.
A different half to another whole.
You only see what you want to see.
And trust me, It shows.
I can't begin to tell you,
how much you don't know.
I'll bet you didn't know,
I still have all those notes you wrote.
Way back then,
before cell phones were considered "in".
What seems like a lifetime ago
and although you haven't seen me in years,
I still want you to know.
That I always did love you,
regardless of her.
And even though,
none of us did win.
here in then end.
And with each passing day,
I can still feel your breath upon my skin.
like a blowing breeze against my whims.
Never quite touching me.
A gentle brush,
sweeping past my lips.
And in that moment
you cease to exist.
But all I really want,
is your lips upon my lips.
For the rest of my life,
just one lasting kiss.
That erases the bad, the ugly, the pain.
I really can't explain,
why you still make me feel this way.
So many years have passed
It makes absolutely no sense.
I thought time would fix, fix all of this.
But I'll never forget,
It's you that I'll always miss.
© 2012 Christina Jackson

I loved you more than words could ever show-
You were this cosmic rope holding an infinite sea,
keeping me afloat.
A million lifetimes have passed since we first met-
I feel as though that rope now has been cut,
The door once open and welcoming, now shut.

I need you here now
I need you to see me silently bow-
And praise the universal gods that led me
to you.
Because after all, without you how would
I have learned to feel, truly feel something real?

With every heart string that’s plucked,
I bless the life I’ve been given.  
You showed me what could have been,
and what will never be.

And as much as my bitter heart breaks, every time
that thought invades my mind, I’m still grateful.
Eternally and hopelessly grateful for you.

The window once open has now
since been shut.
Everything and everyone in my life-
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.
© 2016 Christina Jackson

Once a lover, once a friend
I don’t know why I love you
Or when this began.
But, every time I look into your eyes
I try to hold back my painful sighs
I tried to speak to your heart and
Quickly learned our demise
I know you’re scared, I am too.

You needn't be afraid
Maybe it’s too late, to express how I feel
It would be a lie, if you said this wasn't real.
The days and nights we spent were clear.
They were filled with love, and filled with fear.
And now I must apologize to you dear
I Left without a word, nor a trace
I’m so sorry you can’t find me in this place
I’ve been lost far too long
For you to sing me your song

© 2012 Christina Jackson

Why do you make me cry?
Hidden between bread and
four turkey slices.
Hold's a delight so wonderful,
I can't describe.
Some bitter, some sweet.
Oh they're sure a treat to eat.
Red, White, Vidalia sweet.
My tummy screams, heartburn,
it begins. Prilosec OTC, not again.
Those **** onions, they always win.
© 2012 Christina Jackson

There is always somberness when death enters our lives, almost always unexpectedly. It arrives without judgment or expectation. We are not expected of death to be presentable in our best form, only our truest. We come in to this world naked in physical and spiritual form. And we exit the world the same way, bearing our naked souls, deathbed secrets and stories untold. The concept that death strikes fear in the hearts of many is unfortunate. Yet we fail to realize that death is not to be feared rather welcomed in like an old friend. I do not see death as a haunting of love lost and friends gone or a mistake we ought not to bother. If we have lived as we are meant to live, and not locking ourselves away, then death should not be a frightening experience, but an experience. Although for some death is immensely painful and for others death comes painlessly.
           I spend a great deal wondering what goes on in someone's mind as they inch closer and closer to the edge, clinging on to life. Consider it a crossover from physical life to ultimate consciousness of self and soul. And the questions people have foreboded came from a place of feared discontent. Where does one go? What comes after life? Or is there and after, after all? Or does everything end simultaneously all at once and everything is forgotten and we become nothing more than rotting flesh and caskets lowered below the earth? Can we as humans overcome the fear and heartbreak of losing someone? Or are we forever broken, stuck in a state we can't comprehend or fathom? Is all that we are and ever will be just a shadow cast upon the earth, walking living breathing shadows, haunting ourselves forevermore? I simply could not imagine spending the entirety of my life fretting over little things such as death, for death is the ultimate inevitable inescapable final step. Could it be that we've been looking at it in the wrong way? An impression of our physical selves will forever carry on in the hearts of the ones that love us and will always love us.
          There are far too many questions that infinitely outweigh the answers. And I think not upon the answers to the questions, but in fact the questions we are asking are far more important than an answer could not fulfill our desire to know and understand what we are asking. We could spend our entire lives asking the same questions and never an answer arrived upon, or we could simply ask questions about life and death on a philosophical level and never expect to have them answered. And we live, just simply live each day as though it was our last. A life wasted contemplating life is far sadder in that context than a short life lived to its maximum potential.
          It’s not to say I am stressing that we are only human, and not invincible beings living through immortality. Could we left go of all inhibitions and just be? Albeit an improbable statistic for the lot of human beings, and the lot of all lovers alike, “knower’s” and “Doers” not just “beings”. I fully understand that often times we feel we have the weight of the world resting on our shoulders, and we can’t grasp that we are just ONE of many that have felt this way. I have been broken, scarred beyond recognition. Yet, I do not falter, nor dread the days that come after this day. I do not wish another does not arrive because I am human too and I fear many things that cannot be explained in simple terms. I am not a heartless, soulless human. I do understand many truths most prefer to ignore. I stare down my fears as though I’m looking down the barrel of a loaded gun. I unload my hurt and fear and pain and face it head on. It’s as though I’m having a staring contest between myself and the mirror. That pane of glass that stares back yet never blinks until you blink. That is, until you make a move, only then will the reflection move.
          The condescending pretentious mirror we all fear peering in to. As Nietzsche once so famously said, “When you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you”. A brilliant statement many have pondered upon throughout history. If we keep perpetuating this staring contest, if we say ***** the abyss, for I am the abyss and I fear not what I will find. We could conquer the concepts that earth and life itself has presented to us. If we could just let go and realize we keep holding on to the hurt, the pain, the let downs, we might as well be dead already. You might as well write your own obituary and construct the epitaph carved on to the stone head buried slightly in the ground, where your body will lie forever throughout all of time. Many have died hundreds of times before they’re dead. A fool’s errand in my opinion, and we've been running in circles, bumping into ourselves over and over again. Just let go, just be. You will see there is nothing to fear, except the reflection of who you present yourself to be. Break the metaphysical mirror, shatter it to bits. It is not needed to live a life truly lived.
2014 Christina Jackson

Reminiscing about you
Oh the things that we used to do
I will never forget
So brief the time’s we shared
But nothing was more beautiful
Nor did any moment that followed
Feel as right as when I was in your arms
Two years have passed
since I've felt your embrace
I can still remember
the way that you taste
So vividly a picture
Forever lost in my mind
I will never forget
How we felt when we traced
Every outline of every shape
we had ever graced
Such magical moments
Our bodies so perfectly entwined
How remorseful of me
That ever aching thought
that “we” could ever be
It was selfish of me to think
You would actually choose me
I really hope your life is now filled with joy
No matter how far you are
or wherever you go
You’ll always be dear to my heart
My only hope is that you haven’t
forgotten what we were.


© 2012 Christina Jackson

And I will wait for you
Like the broken glass
of a window
Forgotten, and never fixed

I'll always be waiting-
For you to open the door
and not the window
© 2014 Christina Jackson

I cannot in good conscience move forward in my life under the circumstances I'm currently perplexed by.
Mistakenly so, I have fallen for two men.
The first of which, his illustrious and alluring sweet scent, his warm lips pressed against mine.
I'm intoxicated by his every whim, sweat beads leak through my once impenetrable armored skin
Mistakenly so, I have fallen for two men
The second of which, stimulates my mind through use of intellectual punch lines
The lines of which his skin I have yet to be graced by, the eyes of which have never met mine
Mistakenly so, I have fallen for two men
The audacity of my actions has left me with no logical sense of direction
The dexterity of loves swift kick has left me fragile and of not so sweet disposition
I cannot in good conscience move forward in my life under the circumstances I am currently drowning in.
Mistakenly so, I have fallen for two incredibly wonderful men.
© 2014 Christina Jackson

Fleas have a certain authority about them
They won't leave you be-
They **** and they ****,
until you start to bleed.

Once invaded; Almost impossible
to have exterminated.
They come back, crawling upon
your doorstep.
Questions come to mind-
Why must you keep coming
back?

You've bled us dry- There
once was everything.
Now life suffers such
terrible lack.

Persnickety little pests
they terrorize your entire
life.

Take back what's yours-
Don't let the fleas eat
you alive.
2014 Christina Jackson

Under the covers we keep-
a secret so deep

Poseidon swam away
screaming

Swallowed whole-
His trident sunk to the bottom

You'll never find him
©2020 Christina Jackson

What will we find?
In this tangled web we call life
Too many secrets to hold
Endless questions
Answers bestowed
Too many words have been said
In them
We weaved this confusing web
Unable to think on our own
We follow a path
That leads us to unknowns
It begs some questions
Are we really alone?
Don't speak
Just listen;
and you'll hear
all the answers
will soon be clear.

© 2012 Christina Jackson