Today isn't much different than yesterday but it feels like there's never goin to be good news in sight.

Today feels like all responsibilities and the future days are weighing down on me.

Today feels like I won't have food tomorrow.

Today feels like I won't have a safe place to live next year.

Today feels like I'll never find the happy solution to it all.

Today *****.
Today I hit a wall.
Today I fall.

I always was scared of the way your eyes would start to light up
When you were excited.
The way I could see the gears crank and turn in your head with a million questions because you face never hid your inner world well.

You had eyes that looked up at the stars in the night sky
And somehow thought you would learn about them each individually.
A mind too wide, a heart too loving, a soul too curious.

I always was taught that curiosity killed the cat.
That is wasn't good, that it was rather bad.
I wanted to keep you safe but nothing could ever stomp your fire.
I stayed close, to make sure to protect, if dire.

Instead I watched you bravely fumble and fall,
Learning how to get better everyday.
Learning how to follow your dreams, your whims, and fickle wishes of the day.

I feel like something sparked in me from watching you.
Maybe one of your embers were sent flying
From your crackling and roaring spirit
and lit my heart aflame.

Now I feel like I can follow you,
Follow you straight into the light,
Into the sun.

Cynicism that seeps into the heart
And baby, my heart is drenched in black hatred.

Sulfur breath and poison kisses.
I'm your raging demon.

Don't try to get me to settle down
and make me your Mrs.

I'll never be of Love and Light
when I hate my ******* life.

I am never satisfied.

Yet you try to please.

I am uncontrollable pure white fire rage.

Existential dread has taken it's toll
and I have lost the last of my control.

I want War to wage.

Rot to ensue.

The world to burn down right along with me and you.

And I might obsess with total impending doom,
Cause it's better than being stuck in this ******* room.

I can no longer take being alive on this godforsaken planet.
Why make something, just to abandon it?

Don't try to soothe, don't try to caress.

I will ***** out the light within
And possess.

So if you want to keep your sovereignty
Then you better stay the **** away from me.

I don't understand why I keep filling the void with the things that are supposed to make me happy but I'm just not.

How? Why?

I have every reason to be grateful.
I have everything I could probably ever need now but there's a void and I can't figure out what I'm so **** ******* sad about. So empty for.

I dive deep into my being, into my heart and mind and I can't find it.

The hunger that resides in me.

Is it human?

Is that why we are basically parasites on this planet?

Constantly taking but never giving.

Where the actual **** do I belong?

Where is my home?

Where do I go?

What should I do?

No one is here to tell me now.
No one is here to tell me how.
No one is ******* here.

I love the long grass
A shady summer tree
The sound of childrens laughter
Because it's free

Summer moons
At the end of June
When the crickets are all you hear

But most of all I love the fall
And the turning of the leaves

Give me fields where daisies grow
And Queen Annes lace in bloom
Golden rod that gently nods
And of course my Aster Blue

Aster Blue I remember You
A true heart open wide
There's a special place in Gods embrace
For one so sweet and kind

And so I love that time of year
When the asters come to bloom
I know that you are out there too
Sharing the same moon