As you can see the outside of my body
My curvy, bodacious ****, and these hips that don't lie hunny
The three layers of of rolls when I bend over
And the wrinkles on my forehead, not to mention these big *** 11 sized feet

But

As I sit in the pews of church listening to the pasta preach
My ears get hot and suddenly rings
I hear these magical words

The words that made me re-realize
Of me of me of me myself and I know
you don't understand all these beautiful characteristics underneath my Flawless skin

Because what you see is the outside without looking in
The smooth skin and the long legs
That appeals to your vision
Of sexualizing every each of my body

What you don't see is the kindness that my mama taught me
The fight inside me that my daddy trained me
The voice inside me that God has given me
This soul that I have morphed for me

Each of these characteristics define who I am
But not the sole definition of who I was
Each part having its own unique twang
That intersects who I am

It's sad that many won't be able to see
This complex version of me
The version that goes deeper than the skin
But into the roots that grows each day

But it's their loss that their blinded by outside beauty
Never realizing the truth that lies inside
The destruction that has led me to become
The confident woman that I am today

Today's the day where I seize the world
I thrive, I prosper, I destroy dimensions
I can conquer universes with my wits
But all you want to do is stare at my ****

These itty-bitty non-existent things
That only use is to provide food for human beings
Yet once again you've sexualized my body
Are you getting the hint yet?

People need to start looking beyond the surface
Look within, discover those hidden figures
The shadows behind the shadow that's shines so bright
That would shoot through the atmosphere if I provide

But you keep doing what you wanna do
I ain't here to judge nor tell you
But I would highly recommend if you open your mind
To not just legs and thighs, but heart and mind

You're eyes glazed over
We're happy, smiling, joyful.
Other days were upset, ignoring each other, furious
Yet, we seem to be forever connected

Connected into by the vines of the jungle,
The mockingbird calling her babies
Showing them the passage and way
Of a short life.

Life beginning, life ending
These are things that forever happen
Forever circling in the pathway of success
Loving each other, just like the middle.

But everyone sees this fake facade of me
Not knowing how I really be
Always wanting to cut my skin red
And even some nights just put a gun to my head

But as long as the publics happy, as long as yall are cool
Yall don't see the pain inside me the grown into a beast
A beast that never can be tammed
Who would ever love a ****** girl like me?

The one who says she's "happy", one who says she's "fine"
When in reality all I don't want is to be confined
Pushed into a dark corner, force to see no light
Suffocated by the darkness, slowly adapting

All I wanted was to feel someone's touch
But instead I feel the touch of the bottle pressed against my lips

I wish people could view me as a person who isn't
 happy, secure, and well balanced

Not seeing the darkness underneath

The same darkness that tells me to pick up the knife
And slice the blue apple into a million parts
Praying for myself to pick up the pieces
Before these dark thoughts overcome me

Continuing the cycle of self-abuse
Knowing that no one will ever love me
Because how can they when I don't love myself

Myself that I've been with for X amount of years
I don't know why Im still crying these same **** tears
The tears of emptiness and no emotions
That manifests to loneliness

The feeling of common feelings
That heartache and irrational
Thoughts and figures that appear

I know that death is easy, sounds like pure bliss
However the darkness of the smoke fills my head
It clouds even the easiest parts of me

The very same smoke that suffocates me as I slowly adapt
That's pushed me into a dark corner where the light doesn't reach
Confined by the reality that I don't want to be in

"She not okay, she's not happy nor fine"

The ****** girl that will never find love
Transforms into a beast that has been freed
That uses its pain to feed off of
To avoid depriving the publics happiness to feed on

Some nights I want to use the gun instead
And start to see my pretty skin turn red
But I don't know how it's really suppose to be
To live in a word without the fake facade of me.

I have to recognize that you aren't mine
 
The way you smile when you see me
I instantly know how you're feeling
The jealously that overcomes me
But I have to recognize that, you aren't mine

The way you touch and feel on me
Your cologne attached to me
Whispers of sweet candy drops in my ear
But I have to recognize that, you aren't mine

The way you slightly caress my back
I feel that there's no greater feeling
And every time we dance.. Yet..

I have to recognize that you aren't mine

But I refuse to see behind the glass
Because it represents the truth
That you never really loved me
The way that I do you

And all those sweet, innocent things
That we say back and forth
Does not mean the same to you
Because I recognize that you aren't mine

But it hurts everytime I see that
Our romance was non-existent
So I stay in the place where I hope
That one day, you'll be mine

And it's not the feeling of
"what ifs" that gets me
But the fact we could be
The realest anyone ever seen

The way we connect our lives
Our lines it's all inter-connected
And everyone else recognizes
But you, you're stuck in your own perspective

Stuck between me and another girl
And you're saying "**** love" to the world
When deep down I know you're in pain
In the fetal position, hands tired and curled

"The power couple of 2015"
Is the exact thoughts that comes to me
But I often wonder if you see
What I see that, you don't recognize me?

You don't recognize the good in me?
The sweet, sensational, tomboy in me
The radical, crazy, beautiful girl I see
The three layers of praise I be

I am confident, courageous, adventurous
All these traits define me
But I'm forever curious
Does these characteristic who define me

Scare you, or do you really don't see

****, ****, hot diggity dog
There's one important detail I forgot already
That you really don't give a ****

Because I forgot to recognize that, you aren't mine.

You see...

You're confusing.

And I don't mean in the sense of
When you start to stutter when you're excited
Or talk so much that you don't breathe
But I'm talking about those deep feelings I think you have for me

And you can deny it all you want
You can say what you will
But I just think it sad that
You don't go after how you feel

Because as much as I'm stuck in the game
You're stuck with me as well
Slowly entering the double edge sword
Only time can tell

But I can't help but to feel some euphoria
From it slowly piercing our backs
Like when you held my hand so sweetly
I didn't know you weren't gonna take it back

But I found it funny when
As soon as the light came around the corner
Your hand quickly dropped down by its side
Leaving mine to drift away like the ocean

And just like the ocean our romance was wavy
You claimed that you weren't staring at me
In the way I occasionally stared at you
But I know you often played this game

So

as time went on I slowly started to fade
Not the impeccable bond between us,
But the romance that had once occurred
One day just, blew away

And from then on we still laughed and joked
Talking about ******* and hoes
Still slightly judging each other's flaws
But never to the point we're our love swayed

However there came a point where I found new love
And the moment I did I shouted with glee
You were the first human I told
Because you've always been my key

The key that always fit my lock
But now it's slightly broken
I couldn't tell why you couldnt unlock me anymore
Tried unlock it with a token

But the reality of it was that we just didn't fit
The masked feelings were now washed away
Into the abyss where all things go
When one starts to fade

And as time passed you were forced to stay
By the sidelines as you watched me smile
Into the arms of another, trying to fake
Your expressions of my engagement lifestyle

Now you're here sitting with regret at my wedding
Putting on that plastic smile for me
And just think, this could of all been avoided
With the simple words: