Mama am in love with a hot girl. They just don't get it, don't get it.

I kissed you first at seventeen
and we continued to kiss for weeks,
even though your kisses always hurt.

I'm immune to you now

You were the only constant in my life,
When everyone else left me, you'd appear
to take me into the folds of your arms,
To make me believe you were the only thing keeping me alive
But your plan was to **** me all along

I had jealous lovers,
Who were harder, tougher and
who copulated with many in Vesey Park

They tried in vain to tempt me
But you were all I needed

I craved you always,
Saw you first every Saturday night
Then drowned myself to keep you
On those days when the rain never stopped

You were always there for me
Always always there

I hope my life speaks
I hope it gives you a different ending
A different picture
To the one you see

I hope that you see the colour
Even just a glimpse of hope
I hope you will hold on
I hope you know you’ll make it
I did

I hope you’ll let go of the hurt
Let go of the reasons and reasonings
I hope that you’ll know you not alone

I hope you find an ounce of strength
I hope you’ll reach out
I hope you don’t believe the lie
That it’s not worth it

You are more than worth it
You are precious beyond what you can see
You are loved beyond measure
I hope you can see the glimmer of light
Even though ur world is dark
I hope you’ll feel the bit of sun
Even as you drenched in rain

Don’t give up, it’s not worth it
You are more than worth it
I made it and I will not give up on you making it
You can dream
You can hope
You will make it

We lie next to one another
breathing in short, uneven sighs.
Relief for him, remorse for me.
I touch his skin so he won't feel that I've already left him, playing with his hair while he daydreams.
He muses that perhaps the multitude of substances I've abused have made their way to the surface of my skin
Intoxicating, and imprisoning him, bringing him back to me always.
I dress quickly, anxious to be decent again
And tell him that he should avoid developing a taste for toxins.
He grabs my hand, pulling me back into a warm nest of blankets, pillows, and plenty of self loathing.
"I've never felt this way before" he lies, as he tries his best to catch my gaze.
I develop a newfound interest in the moon shaped marks my nails are leaving behind on the palm of my hand.
"I'm not good with words" I mutter to both of us.
He assumes I'm lost searching for adjectives to express my infatuation and assures me that words are overrated.
That what's meant to be cannot be stopped.
And I silently agree to myself later on as I tie my shoes to the rhythm of his unconscious breathing.

A match is dropped and the Ohio River goes up in flames
And the smoke filled up the ****** lungs of sweet little lady Liberty,
Rose scented thrift store day ream turned black
Black like the street punk's spiked leather vest worn ragged by a lifetime spent running headlong into brick walls
And red, God how they saw red!
Red like the cherry tipped death inhaled by your sunset haired dream girl in the passenger seat
Hark! These herald angels sing
Drunken anthems to bar rooms of disillusioned art majors newly reborn as kings
Killing time by means of self obsession, searching for the newest thing to be offended by
And what home have you to return to, Prodigal Son?
Climb the police blockade and cry your apathy to the skies!
Lest ye be judged by a jury of your own co dependent peers
Scratch your writing on the tenement wall with nails painted black
Black like the flags flown high on blood thirsty sails far out to sea
And tell them, tell them how you wept for art and nature!
Son of rage and love, your blessed values were imported
Leave the sealed halls and sacred corridors of your ideological temple
And turn your blood shot eyes to the sky
To witness, a manic depressive pilot writing in smoke
"Help us God!"
But then, he felt pretentious so he circled back around to replace "God" with "Mr. President"
My love, your strung out serenades will never melt Bohemia's frozen heart
Set all the fires you will
Set fire to your vanity!
Set fire to your love!
Set fire to the Ohio River that raised you up
And return to the basin of your birth

i am frail
   and i am hollow
my veins are cracked
    and there is nothing left of me
but the faint winds of
    who i used to be
traveling through my bones
     asking where you've been

I ache to trace the scars you've hid so well beneath your skin
   To feast on the nightmares that plague your sleep
Let my hunger satiate deprivation
       So that you may get an honest nights rest
   and tell me all about the good dreams you had

I want to know all the curves to your body
         and what makes them come alive
So that on days you're feeling dead
       I can help bring you back to life

Let me entwine my fingers into the curled strands of your hair
       And tangle them there for as long as you let me

Oh please let me do it for a long time

      I want to know you without borders

Long
          intimate
                          conversations
     over coffee and books we have read
         Books we want to read
     Books that weren't worth reading
            Books the other should read

And more coffee

Always more coffee so we can stay awake
For every moment that we share without borders

I want to sit with you in silence,



                 .             .             .



Look over and see you smiling with the pout of your lips
                   Like your dangerous
        And I'm asking for it
I'll always be asking for it

Without borders I would lean across the world
Just to hear your laughter
           And hold your hand in mine
              If only to feel your touch
                            Just once

      *Watch the sun saunter off into the horizon
      And the stars begin to shine
      As the moon lights up the sky
      In a world without borders
      I could be yours
      And you could be mine

I slept last night
With no thoughts on my mind
Because its the easiest method to sleep
But as i dreamt of castles,
Of suburbs, of theaters
Of other relationships
(Of other people)
It brought this revelation
That WHAT if.

What if:
We were next to each other
When we woke up
My face would turn red like a tomato
And i would just start laughing
Because of the realization that
I'm with the person I love

What if:
We would talk for hours on an end
And fill up the memories on iPhones
And our minds with talks of gossip
Talks of science, talks of hangouts
Your friends would envy it so much
They would become angry at us

What if:
We were together in the school
Holding hands and the people knowing
That we are together
It would be so **** amazing
For me, knowing I did it
I ventured into unknown and came back
Victorious

What if:
We walked home everyday
Sat together on the bus
Those little things which people say
Have no significance will never fathom
The signficance the little things have
Because little things make something big

I truly cannot fathom the beauty
The joy, the love
That I would feel from someone
Who isn't a family member
But someone else, who genuinely loves me
For what I am
I will be so proud to say
"I did it! I braved through!"

If only this were true.