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Chandre De Wet Jun 2018
I'm older,
I'm tired, and it shows.
I'm slighty cynical, very sensitive, questioning everything I've ever done
A midlife crisis, you could suppose.

In a week of 7 days
Somehow I muster strength for a few good things
I'm still a dreamer (and I'm not the only one)
But disappointment, no answers, bad experiences sting

And yet I don"t want to change
I miss the peace and purity of heart
But not the naivety and being played and endless trying
I like that I'm more street smart

So I am stuck, not better sometimes bitter
not here neither there
I think I've moved on, only to find I'm back at square one
Sometimes gasping for air

At times even this glass half empty is glass half full
I believe everyone comes to a standstill
I believe it's utterly necessary to go back to the drawingboard
To get wisdom, capacity and to be filled.

I'm older,
I'm tired, and it shows.
However, with God this may be a new beginning.
Who knows?
Chandre De Wet Apr 2017
In the train
on my way
to another day
Another place
But now it's time
To get to a different space
If I can do it
Here below the Montana skies
Between you and I
But sometimes I am feeling
A little lost
A little unable
To make the connection
Or maybe even the desire
Or maybe my heart has grown cold
Cold like the snow
still clinging to the grassy horizons
Maybe I need you to warm me again
Woo me again
But wondering if my heart will receive it.
Sometimes I can step in a space
And sing of your grace
But it seems like when I lost everybody
I also lost you.

Backstory 1
Man from Fargo, North Dakota (more about him again), told me wait till I see the beautiful Montana Skies where its flat grounds but the skies are amazing.

Backstory 2
Then the little bits of white in the middle of grass patches was a bit mind boggling to me that it was actually snow, as you can see from these various pics, sometimes it was just patches here and there, and other times it was all over yet still with grass. And yes if you wondering these towns in North Dakota do look like scenes from the walking dead.

Back story 3

And purpose of this post, I met this amazing couple on the train and shared some of the things that were still breaking my heart at that stage. The husband said that if I open up to God and allow his light to shine in some clarity will come and God will show the next to step... I turned back hearing him but also wondering if I can, can I open up, can I hear God, can I receive, can I get to the right space and frame of mind before reaching my next destination and friends.... and wrote this poem... See previous Backstories and pics now to understand references better...
Chandre De Wet Jun 2016
Am I a friend or an entertainer
Are you my friend or my fan
When the show is over do you go home
Or do you stand by my side
I cannot dance and laugh and fill your cups
And turn around and find my home's empty
While I never did it for reward
I am a friend and not an actress
I need friends not fans
When the show is over
I am not okay with standing alone anymore
At least Hollywood pays you dollars
And while I am hurt, I have not entirely given up
but it's not up to me anymore
Maybe one day you'll know...

-chandre de wet 02/06/2016
Chandre De Wet Aug 2015
I press into you,
You press into me
Discernment is heightened
All muck is revealed.

The world is insensitive.
or if I euphamize it, street smart.
things outside seem volatile
far from the peace in my heart

Yet as I respond to your beckoning
you trully are my safe place
For this grace I am grateful
Now allow myself in your embrace
5 September  2014, Chandre De Wet
I know the pain you feel is deep,
your want from life is simple peace.
And though I cannot guarantee,
please listen closely, as I speak.

Presently you stroll alone,
searching for a hand to hold.
You feel your sorrow in your bones,
in harshest sun, you still feel cold.

Pre - dawn, however, is darkest night
that must be followed by morning light.
I pray you won't give up the fight,
the universe will set things right.

I know at times, it seems unclear
that happiness is always near.
But wholly I believe my dear,
someday soon, you'll find some cheer.
Chandre De Wet Nov 2014
there is pain in my heart
the I plaster
there is shame in my soul
that screams disaster
there is doubt in my mind
there is fear in my thoughts
Still the still small voice whispers to me:

You're not alone
my beautiful child
You're not alone
You're the one that I love
You're my treasure
I'll seek you till I find
You're not alone
I'm Emmanuel

I am learning to trust
though its frightening
I am learning to share
things I'm hiding
I am letting me go
I am loving though it costs
While still hearing his voice sing over me:
May 2011
Chandre De Wet Nov 2014
this season

i dont know
i dont know where to go
i dont know how to fix things
i dont know all the answers
i dont know how to make it
i dont know, I dont know

what i've seen
is when i give up
he can work and move

so even in my i don't knows
i'm giving up
God work and move
God keep the pieces of my heart together
And heal me once again

God help me in my relationship with others
Help them in their relationship with me
But mostly God,hold me.
So that I can be ok, even when I don't know.
Chandre - (21 Sep 2010)
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