Though quiet are my lips,
Rambunctious is my mind.
Though cold is my soul,
Warm is my crimson-stained skin.
Bitter-sweet the poison
That courses through my veins.
"Craft a self-made cure,"
The voices in me said,
"To forget all your sins."
Watch all my pain,
Flow swiftly away.
Not a sound escapes
As I slowly destroy
What is destroying me.

and here i am again
at the intersection
of pedestrian language
& old wives tales
swallowing gum
like 7 year memories
opening umbrellas inside
cause i can't seem get away
from all of this rain
i ******* with my left hand
cause i was told
back in highschool that
"it feels like someone else is doing it"
it gets me wondering
about the difference between
losing you and finding out
that some one else found you
or my sleep
or lack thereof
its starting to tear me apart
i keep having this dream
where you are in
an unfamiliar body of water
trying to wash my poetry
off of your hands
or the one where
something happens in my chest
every time you sit
on someone else's bed
i'm tired of feeling like something you've misplaced
but don't have the heart
to look for anymore
tired of you saying my name
like you're trying to bury it
i'm tired of wondering
if you can tell the difference
between the absence
of my voice & silence
the other day
i almost started sobbing
at work when a woman
asked me about
our equipment
i was explaining how
things come apart
and almost mentioned your name
it made me think
of how you used to say
things like "what would you do
if i showed up on your doorstep
one day?" now, i haunt
the windows in my house
i don't leave for weeks at a time
i sit on the porch like the dog
you didn't shoot behind the shed
the one that refuses to die
until you come home again
i told somebody once, that
you didn't even know
what my voicemail sounded like
i wonder if they thought
it was because you
are so important that i never
let it ring that many times
before picking up
or if you dont know
what it sounds like
because you've never called
you can't be the ****** weapon
and the search party
i'm tired of all the seats
to the ferris wheel in my chest
being empty
tired of your voice
being the one i look for
in abandoned places
that one sound i beg
to bounce back
down vacant hallways
i just seem to stand there
in all of that quiet
like someone looking for a mistake
on an eviction notice
so i guess the hardest part
isn't letting go
it's forgetting
you ever had a grip
in the first place
and since you've been gone
i wonder if when
you pushed yourself away from me
you used your left hand
so it felt like someone else did it

I’m fighting my tears
all day
every day
What have I done
please tell me
what have I done
to deserve all this pain
I need answers
why am I fighting
please tell me

*(s.m)

I was walking down
The gravel of the school,
Suddenly I felt,
Like a shadow was behind me,
Staring, looking, waiting.


I hoped it was him.
I wanted it to be him.
I wanted to believe it was him.
I hoped and prayed it was him.
Even if there was a chance it wasn’t.


I wanted it to be so badly.
I wanted to take back my words.
Tell him that I loved him,
That age didn’t matter.

 
Tell him that,
He didn’t have to be with her,
That I was there,
For him.

 
Tell him we could change the world,
Break the rules,
Make a difference.
Tell him that it was me he wanted,
And I knew.

 
Tell him that I could finally,
Have the happy ever after,
That I always wanted.
That nothing could stop us.
 

I wanted him to know,
That we can have,
Everything we wanted,
That life wasn’t something to hate.
 

I wanted to tell him,
That I would die happy,
If took my hand,
And held onto it,
Until it was my end.

 
I wanted him to know,
That I loved him,
And I wanted to know,
If he felt the same.


I wanted,
My life to take a turn,
Be what it should be,
Be what I wished.


I wanted,
To wrap my arms around him,
And hold on,
Till death did us apart.

 
I wanted him to know,
That we can.
I kept praying,
Not letting the negative in,
Keeping my hopes up,
Then I turned around.

 
There was no one.