We walked along the river and approached a small hill.

You reached out for me and offered your help to me, but No.  No thank you
I don't want your hand.

Because me taking your hand is a symbol of trust.

And I don't trust you enough to catch me if I fall.

I was watching
"The Pacific"
An HBO series
On WWII

It was pretty well done
I just don't really much care
For the violent scenes
Although I know its realistic

Then I went to a chatroom
A christian chat I joined
It's fun sometimes

Now I'm eating kidney beans
And maybe I'll look for another
Show to watch

If not I'll watch a
Documentary again

It was a full moon tonight
I thought of Elsa Angelica
I hope you are having
A good night Elsa

They knew nothing of the politics of flight, merely watched the birds that soared in the sky.
They knew nothing of the world around them and how it would ignite, when sitting watching sparks rise up like fire flies in the halve each night.
They knew nothing of what spooked their parent’s sight, not understanding the fear that glowed bright in their eyes.
They knew nothing of why their calm mother from polite and encouraging, became anxious holding them tight.
They knew nothing of why father stood watching from the window each night, simply thinking he was watching dreams drift by in the moon light.
They know nothing of why they are walking for days, pushed shoved and spat upon by a world given to not caring.
They know nothing of the politicians that sit on their hands, whilst they grow blown bellies and sleep in no go zones.
Perhaps they will know in time, should the death bell not ring for them this day!
(c) Robert Kingston 20.9.15

Hindsight blues,
I'm tangled up in you but you can't see through the overgrowth -
Thick bristles and whistle blowers,
Tell me your perception of me.

Let's laugh together at the discrepancies,
Don't expect more from me,
You know me better than that,
aristocratic nature, I hate where you come from,
That comfortable turf.

I can't be myself in your world,

Solipsism - listen we can only shine on reflection vision and that takes more than you or I alone.

Still tripping,

Tangled up in you.

I'm sitting on the three blankets and pillow, I've been allotted to sleep on.
I'm listening to the song I always do for these mind cleansings
In the background, further still, my roommate talks to her friend; loudly, I might add.
I have a lot on my mind and no one to talk to.
I'm quiet here, anytime I speak I'm generally ignored.
For the most part that's fine.
My anxiety has been really bad as of late.
So has my nicotine addiction.
No matter what I say or do,
I can't pull myself out of this rut.
I've been going on walks
Two days ago, it was three or four miles
Yesterday it was five or six
Today, I walked at least six
I'm not really keeping track.
I'm not letting myself think.
I'm not allowed to.
"You're affecting everyone in the house."
I wonder if you thought about how much that hurt me.
I doubt it.
I'm not wallowing in self pity so much as emptying my head.
I quietly sit,
No one has similar interests as me.
I watch anime when I'm bored
Or sleep.
I think the epitome to how lonely I am here is the playing chess alone.
I haven't had an intelligent conversation
Well, since Ken and I discussed the black hole theories on time slowing and wormholes
A week ago.
I can't joke the way I do without hurting someone's feelings or being too obscene.
I'm lonely
Very lonely.
If this were a game of house,
I'd be the dog.
I want a job so I can move out.
So I can make friends.
I want to go hang out downtown with people who want to talk to me.
Who don't make me feel like **** for getting in my slumps.
I want to be around people who won't tell me that I'm not allowed to be negative
only to immediately counteract that with hypocrisy saying
"only were allowed to be negative."
I'm fluxing between three and four cigarettes a day.
I'm not allowed to wear my safety hat because it's negative
I'm not allowed to listen to "negative" music.
I have more rules here then I did living in my dad's basement.
"The grass is always greener"
Honestly, I knew it would be like this.
It's still better than being emotionally abused.
Well, romantically anyway.
I'm tired.
I'm tired.
Physically
Emotionally
Mentally
And I'm getting fed up.
Honestly,
the only thing that keeps me from commiting suicide right now is seeing an new city.
Not my friends
Just the sites
Everyone back home has forgotten me
Everyone here acts like I'm not.
I don't fit in anywhere.
I'm immersed in my reading, anime and poetry.
No one understands. I ******* hate being inside my head.
I ******* hate this.
I ******* hate me.
But I'll never say a word.
Because if I talk,
I'll be scolded for ******* feeling.

I have a right to feel however I want.