I have dreams of him
His eyes are missing
All flesh, pristine
He's not looking but still seeing
He cannot show but he guides me
To the meadows I roam free
Clear skies torn apart by sun rays
Like it was always that way
Our bodies glisten as they sway.

He calls me in, a messenger
I breathe him and he is medicine
From the ghosts in my bedsheets
From mosaics of grief I've seen
And the shadows appear on the hilltops
Trickling towards me like rain.

Then stormy skies run like watercolour
He is gone and darkness creeps in
Bad dreams line the clouds of sleep
From summer in the meadows to rough seas
I see his face in my morning coffee
And I pour him down the sink
For I cannot swallow this feeling
Knowing the visions belong to me.

You haunt my dreams of places I will never visit
People I will never meet
In the background of each painting
You're the stains on every seat
You're the barbed wire round my heart
You're the rotting in the woods
You're the dark circles under my eyes
I can't sleep because of you.

I guess I should feel flattered
That I get it all the time
But it doesn't really matter
Cause I feel so dead inside
I'm waiting at the station
For a train that never comes
And I'm cutting up his t-shirts
Cause I'm bitter that he's gone

But I won't cry this time
Cause I'm lucky that they want me
They can **** me until everything's alright
And I just laugh because I'm rich
Oh I'm not rich from money
But I swear I'm rich from ******* that I know
But I'll never tell them no, no, no.

Another day, new invitation
They're inviting me to bed
But they can never satisfy me
Too much ******* in their heads
My best friend told me that he loves me
But I guess he's not the one
Cause I'm saving his kind heart
From my weak, destructive bones.

But I won't cry this time
Cause I'm lucky that they lust me
But it's not enough to fill the aching in my chest
So I'll just laugh
And I will continue dancing
I'll get high from all the happiness instead
Until they want my heart not what's between my legs.

I woke up this morning
To a whole different mind
With the same room, same skyline
I was leaving you behind
And I told you I loved you
But I didn't look you in the eyes
Because maybe I like you
But I'm sorry, I lied.

What am I to do now?
Cause I can see this on the news
"Man dies of broken heart"
But I've got nothing else to lose
So I'm flying the nest
Back to where I was raised
In search of something I lost
Among the rubble I left there.

Could you teach me to be?
Someone that I don't know
Cause you must know it hurts
To leave you and go
I was tenderly yours
But there's fire within
And I'm burning down this house
Cause it's no home to me.

I awoke to street lights and red skies
Warm heat of summer nights enveloped me
Smothering me in its embrace
As I cling to cold sheets with sweaty palms

Neon signs of buildings and corner shops
Welcome my childlike gaze
As I look upon the city and the shoreline in awe
And I spit out cherry stones and drink soda through straws

You sink your teeth into me like a ripe peach
And tell me my eyes are hazy and haunting
And we dance and we drink and soak up the last of our youth
Act as if we didn't have a clue

Bonfire smoke in my lungs
Rippling screams and laughter in the air
Last nights love still in my veins
Kaleidoscope views of how things change

I miss the smell of your cologne
And the way you say my name
I miss the beaches when it's winter
Because it's hard to breathe again