When I'm wide awake
At 4 AM
My mind still buzzing while my body is shaking
A tear rolls down my pale cheeks
As I clutched and pulled and begged at the sheets
My hands red, raw, with a thousand tiny lacerations
The train of my thoughts not stopping at stations
As my conciousness fades, an attempt to stall,
the inevitable breakdown.

And I fall
And fall.

Kristina, my friend that I adore.
Kristina, you smiling bubbly joy.
In the dark hours we talked and talked.
When the summer came the world we walked.
I held you close when times we tough.
You held me back, strong but not rough.
Your eyes glisten a deep dark brown.
A face to beautiful to know a frown.
And then he came.
You speak with him, while I wait in the rain.
My hopes and dreams circling the drains.
But still I'm happy that you are too.
Because that is love if the love is true.
I hope he makes you happy, stays loyal through thick and thin.
But we both know that’s not the case.
So why did you choose him?

Its cold, Its dark
the rain pours down
I wear my face in a constant frown
As I walk through the park
All the people I see
Run and smile
Happy and free
And hide my frown and pretend for a while.

But when the night comes
And the darkness return
I beg and pray for the rise of the sun
But its too far away
That I learnt

So that was that
My final surrender
I say goodbye to the rats
And my body so slender
The cold of the barrel caressing my lips
The pain and the scars on both of my hips
with one final tear I whisper goodbye
To the painful life which I had lead
One last noise; a deafening Bang
and all is silent because then I was dead

I know im not here.
Even when I am.
I know my mind is awash with fear.
So I wash my hands, until they bleed, to rid myself of all that feed
Upon my soul, my mind, my sanity.
I care not for the worlds vanity.
The towels stained red, with the blood of my palms.
As the sun breaks the misty horizon.
I yawn with dark eyes and dry, peeling skin.
Because I am Finally clean.
To welcome the dawn.