Little blue pills 
in neat little rows
Promise sweet release.

There are no more tomorrows
Our love lies in the past
A hazy recollection
of nothing built to last
You shaped my youth with beauty
Your heart became my home
You picked up all my pieces
and repaired me with your own
So sure I was unloveable
I fought with all my might
but soon you were my every thought
my hopes, my dreams, my light
But time moved on as time it will
and now I wait in vain
for you, the boy who loved me once
and never will again.

The tiniest gift
wrapped in wrinkled skin
eyes closed, softly breathing.

Fragile fingers grasp mine tightly, forming bonds and sealing pacts.

My heart leaps at the sight of your button nose.Your blossom cheeks, velvet soft, draw kisses from my lips with ease.

I gaze at your brow and wonder at your dreams.
There is no purer love than this.

The cuckold sits with empty pride
at all that's on display
he does not yearn for awful truth
'bout where she is today.
he dreams of travels far and wide
and promises the earth
he knows not that his dreams are lies
a source of lovers mirth
when she returns as day goes dim
he'll try to light a spark
he does not see that it's not he
who owns her weary heart.

Take your concerns, sweet mother
weave them with your hatred,
your bitter contempt of youth
Take your forced confessions
like poison from my Judas tongue
while you sigh in eager disappointment
at the damage done long before.

I was not made in your image
this was not my crime to answer
I was the cuckoo in the nest
a child of a wayward child, 
given in hope of more
in many ways gaining less

Affection in monetary value
a room full of treasures
to hide my empty heart
loveless and longing
for a connection with something other than your stinging palm

My rebellion, taken in personal tones
was against my existence, not yours
Unwanted, unloveable girl
my constant internal monologue
screaming above the screamers
that made my speakers bleed.

my need for you has not diminished
nor will my love for you fade
there is no understanding
for the misunderstood it seems
we remain locked in battle
bathed in tears, questioning love
your scars deep, my gratitude deeper.

There are no stars tonight
the sea, granite smooth,
whispers secrets to the shore
as it sits in wait.
Cliffs green with moss appear grey
and lend shadows to the silvered sand.
A lonely cry splits the dark
fading swiftly into the hush.
All boats are silent now
haunted by the sirens call,
they hold their breath
under a sliver of moon.
Silence rules the landscape
as the drowned take breath.

You think I'm still here
Funny that,
I left just after you left, remember?
I didn't return when you did.

You just walked back in, remember?
her rust still on your tongue,
covered in shards of your broken heart.

Pitiful.

Wanting me to pick up your pieces.
Me, the one you dropped and shattered
Me, bearer of children, believer of lies.

Shamed.

While her memory cut you deep
it was me that healed your wounds
with the warm, self loathing comfort
of doing it for the kids.

Used.

You apologised, profusely, wrapped in crocodile tears 
yet the guilt was all mine.

Apparently.

You think I'm still here
Funny that...

Vanity becomes you, oh Great One.
As silently,
your harem plots your demise.

A fool and her heart are easily parted,
there is nothing broken that cannot be mended.

Give me a man with a beard and tattoos
a passion for books and a love of the blues,
a sharp sense of humour, his outlook carefree
and a belly that jiggles, no six packs for me. 

Give me a man who can't help but sing,
who sees beauty in raindrops and other such things,
one that laughs at my faults and excites at my plans
one that's proud to tell everyone that he's my man.

Then I'll give him a woman that smiles oh so proudly
and proclaims love undying from rooftops, quite loudly
I'd take care of him as he takes care of me
a happier duo you never will see.

Send him my way tightly wrapped in a bow,
I'll handle with care and unwrap nice and slow
this gift from the heavens sent here from above,
then I'll drag him upstairs and near **** him with love.

He moves within the darkness
time slips and drips at his behest
while I, alone, become prey
caught within the glare of infinity
cascading now into doom laden cries.
Dark promises slumber, then tumble wildly
from lips too moist with rage.
He is the needle and I the ****** skin
He is every screaming sinew, stretched and drawn
He is the lie I tell myself
He is the ink in my blood.

You sit at your screen
fingertips flying in the face of decency
like a spigot attached to a vat of arsenic
dripping your poison, slowly, surely into the ears of the unthinking.

You justify the burnt skin, the orphans, the unending torture as deserved.

Deserved?

How can it be so?

Go tell the orphan, scarred and screaming that her fate was deserved.

Go stand beside mass graves and thumb your nose at the deserving corpses, stained by the blood of ages.

Where is your heart? 
does it choke and sputter,
buried beneath your all encompassing loathing?

You call me stupid, maybe so,
my views naive, my compassion wasted
yet my heart beats proudly, swells with love 
while my tired eyes drown at the unfolding horror.

War is not a spectator sport,
it is not justifiable, nor deserved.

Call me stupid if you will, ridiculous if you must
call me any number of names in your attack on my spirit
I will not care, I will not bend or bow.
Your hatred will be your undoing.
Not mine

You arrive at my door 
my blessed gift, with sweetest words
that lift me unto the skies
to soar within the sunbeams of your affection
I pray there never comes a day
that my eyes do not meet yours 
over morning coffee and tender words
Heads bowed, hearts touching
May we always linger here.

The enemy lies bleeding
I cut off all her curls
I scrubbed the scarlet from her roots
and wore her eyes as pearls
her tears, now diamond droplets
sit cold against my cheek
in reverence of solitude
a blessing to the meek.

On crowded streets they meet
stealing warmth and kisses
as the hubbub melts away
leaving only them
alone in their misdeeds
together in their longing
for a different ending that cannot be.

Do you hear the voices?
They  whisper of love in open wounds.
They spit at my ears and wail at my image.
My mind a willing admirer of the cacophony.
They bring only black,
cracked and unyielding it lays against my monochrome skin.
Tearing at scars to bleed only ink.

If you could cry a million tears
and carve each droplet with my name
they would not taint my happy heart
for what was yours, you threw away.

Once there was a love you knew,
contempt and lust it's bones did break
until the day your world stood still
and found my broken heart reclaimed.

Another's heart now beats beside
this tired shell, this ragged form.
Another's chest for weary head,
another's arms to catch my fall.

I do not wish to hear your words,
your grave mistakes, your sad lament
I feel no sorrow at your loss,
this lack of you is heaven sent.

Silence falls as darkness comes
bleeding colour from the earth.
Alone I sit, screen lit, waiting for sleep to find me.

It's there we meet,
there we create sparks of light to rival galaxies.
There is no beauty finer than that created in nether worlds,
tales woven through darkness and sub conscious need,
while demons weep at the beauty of our souls.

Tides may change at the moon's behest,
daylight mocks our longing
yet we remain steadfast
You my flotsam, I your jetsam
tossed within life's currents,
while we cling to our conscience
in hope of repair.
Praying into the void for forgiveness and the dimming of the sun,
that we may dream once more.

She walks alone, defiant
in clothes as black as night 
hiding her heart in shadows
never seeing light
she kicks at life and lovers past
and picks at healing scars
she'll talk to you in riddles
and hide behind her 'art'
she fears the darkest deeds within
her  blackened, broken heart. 

She has need of nobody
that's how she makes it seem
and only few will ever know
the glory of her dreams
but if she lets you come inside
she'll beg you not to stay
as love is never hers to keep
and every heart must stray

She'll push you to your limits
as you sink into her skin
her passion overflowing
with sweetest velvet sin
but when the game is over
she'll lay sated on your chest
then lock her heart away once more
at her haunted soul's behest.

Elizabeth Wortzel**

I'm the girl who is lost in space, the girl who is disappearing always, forever fading away and receding farther and farther into the background. Just like the Cheshire cat, someday I will suddenly leave, but the artificial warmth of my smile, that phony, clownish curve, the kind you see on miserably sad people and villains in Disney movies, will remain behind as an ironic remnant. I am the girl you see in the photograph from some party someplace or some picnic in the park, the one who is in fact soon to be gone. When you look at the picture again, I want to assure you, I will no longer be there. I will be erased from history, like a traitor in the Soviet Union. Because with every day that goes by, I feel myself becoming more and more invisible...

I am scattered shards
many prisms
rainbow hues
cover black.
Blue ovals,
white circles
seek cures.

Words run deep,
cutting trenches
through scar tissue
best forgotten.

Untouched too long
by happy hearts
the broken self
Will sing once more.

Come let us shake off our heavy clothes
down by the river where no one goes
fears will be falling like dominoes
where this is leading no one knows.

Swim with the fish and the dragonflies
clouds are reflecting in your blue eyes
swim against the tide, we can only try
evening will come to pass by and by.

Come let us join up our weary hands
tell tales of treasure and foreign lands
here in the water we'll play our parts
leading the charge with our beating hearts.

Come let us shake off our heavy clothes
down by the river where no one goes
fears will be falling like dominoes
where this is leading no one knows.

I spent last night a' wandering
I roamed across the earth
Through meadows green
and cities gray
To try and find my worth

I asked the twinkling starlight,
beseeched the roaring sea
I begged the rugged mountainside
for any sign of me

I ran through threatening shadows
and basked in brightest sun
yet my heart remained elusive
and my soul remained undone

Then when the dawn awoke me
with it's dazzling newborn hue,
I found my worth within your heart
and wrote these words for you.

I went down to the river
washed the sin out from my bones
let the current take me over
cut my skin on sharpened stones
I felt the spirit move me
as I tumbled through the black,
sent my soul to see valhalla,
it ain't ever coming back.

As my tattered body surfaced
I looked back unto the shore
and knew that in that moment
I was lost forevermore.
I lingered low and lifeless
in amongst the tangled reeds
just a body filled with whiskey,
broken bones and evil deeds.

Let the water wash me over
let it cleanse the flesh away
let it crush my bones to powder,
leaving nothing to decay.
Let me live in constant darkness
filled with rage and zealots fire
only then will I taste liberty,
the one thing I desire.

She bore the sweetest lips I'd seen
and eyes of winter fire
her beauty lived within her grace
her soul lived in the mire.

She moved as winter strips the trees
with slow yet bold intent
and in her hands the hearts of men
were torn and truly spent.

She lay down where the nightshade grew
at many souls' behest
she took their love and lives the same
then laid her head to rest.

On summers nights I hear her call
a coldness at its depth
it wills me on to take my place
within the arms of death.

We were
the most beautiful lie
ever told.

Oh come all you sinners
come knock at my door
and bring your sweet treasures
dark pleasures and more.

Come dwell in my darkness
and be who you'll be
For I have seen Heaven.
It wasn't for me.

So bind me with harp strings
and taste nectar sweet,
see my wings, now in tatters,
halo at my feet.

So I call to you sinners
please come, if you dare
to where pain leads to pleasure,
I'll wait for you there.

Do not poke the sleeping beast
that hides behind another's mask
his words not written to inspire
but to wound and belittle.
He crows for attention, 
this loathesome creature,
with boundless ego
and tongue firmly 
rotting in pustuled cheek
he will not be the thief of confidence
he will not be the silencer of hope
for he is the keeper of bitter misery
the captain of a sinking ship
not one will touch his heart
as it sits within it's cavern of disdain.

The trouble with Hello Poetry
Is that I fall in love daily
Held under so many captivating spells
moulded and crafted by all walks of life
I find myself longing for all of you
the broken, the fallen, the bruised
the saints, the sinners
the righteous, the dispossessed
the holy, the unholy
all meet here
to speak of life
as they feel it
as only we know it.
Onwards, upwards
Downward spirals
kindness, cruelty
crashing through boundaries
bounding across oceans
carried on wistful sighs and broken dreams
The trouble with Hello Poetry
Is that it breaks my heart
Then brings me back to love again
All within an hour.

There are no pictures of the forgotten child
just second hand memories
of a police station handmedown
and too many mothers.

There are no echoes of my smile to be found in family albums

No book to lovingly hold the dates of firsts unwitnessed by love.

Yellowed paper bears witness to my existence, a name given, typed above that of an unknown Father and a mother too new to bear my needs.

There are no tales of first days and birthdays, no tears of joy at my arrival, nor at my loss.
Just me, a girl with no past and a stolen future, screaming at shadows while clutching at straws, hoping that someday my face will be reflected by that which I did not create.

What is it with society
it can't leave girls alone
to be the way they want to be
they have to **** and moan...

"Now this one she's too skinny
with a blatant lack of ***
legs stolen from flamingos
and arms like two matchsticks.."

"Now this one's far too chubby
observe her thunder thighs
see her wobble as she's walking
it's clear who ate all the pies.."

"Now see the tattooed freakshow
flesh tunnels, garb of black
in burly boots and trenchcoat
she must be taking crack.."

"and what of lil Miss sunkissed
with her streaky perma-tan
who dresses like a two bit *****
but never keeps her man.."

A war on flaws is raging
as media fuels the flame
mixed with the tongues of gossips
it gets stronger everyday
we're taught to judge a person
by looks and shape alone
regardless of their inner selves
their talents, dreams and goals
It really is a worry,
to watch our young girls grow
bowed under weight and pressure
with self esteem so low.

So tell them that they're beautiful
it's not too much to ask
and please be sure to tell them
that the media's an ***!

The sun rises and with it the fight begins, kicks and blows rain hard as I catch my reflection and see the futility of my existence staring back at me. 

This is my war. 

There will be no peace talks with my adversary, she dwells inside, stubborn, unmoved by my suffering, mocking the medication meant to silence her being. 

She is glass shards. 

She is the shrapnel of my past, forever deeply embedded in my tired future. 

She is hatred of my very self. 

She claws at me with sweet suggestions, whispered screams of unending torment, temptation to cease being burns at her core as I am drawn blindly to her flame. 

There is no ceasefire, no peace in which to dwell, no escape from the constant hum of her displeasure. 

She is me, I am her.

Our silent battle as old as time.

I see her watch me through tear filled eyes, her hatred bristling at my smile as she sings of my flaws and tosses all hope to the ground to shatter irreparably.

She is mine. I am hers.

We dance in time to sympathetic looks and tired sighs as loved ones speak of self indulgence and stiff upper lips.

She will be, that I may not.

She will not be silenced.

I haunt myself in darkened rooms
a vague recollection of beauty
aged and worn by your changing tides
Solitary as driftwood on winter shores in your company
I sit
shadow silent in my absence
While busy hands do busy things to pass the numbing time.

This dark is filled with ghosts.

Teaming fingers, bone cold with the agony of sorrow brush my brow, willing me to mourn, to cease to be within this beating form and join the shadows that beckon.
I chase oblivion down to the bottom of the nearest bottle and beyond, my smile a painted scar that masks the ugliness within, as numbness creeps silently into the corners of my soul.

I will not belong within the hearts of the living.
I will not be long at all.

Time marches on
fleet of foot
regardless of hope
in spite of love
it's beat, unwavering
drowns out our pleas.

Laid out in front of me
gasping for air
as hands apply pressure
and eyes coldly stare.
Grip tightening
eyes widening
knuckles whitening
Skin bruising
you're losing
your battle with me
You're struggling
Eyes bulging
pulse slowing
now knowing
that I'll be the last thing you see.

Today will be a good day
put on your favourite shoes
and skip along the pavement
give ******* to the blues

Leave your troubles for tomorrow
kick your worries into touch
just one day of easy living
isn't asking for too much.

There have been too many bad days
filled with darkness, hurt and loss
so lets pack them up and seal them tight
within a puzzle box.

Say hi to fellow strangers,
and be giving with your smile
then see it warmly echoed
in the faces passing by.

Yes, today will be a good day
I'm determined that it's true
and my heart hopes most sincerely
that you have a good day too.

Heat lays heavy,
bodies glisten,
grateful
for the three second breeze.

I saw you today
for the first time in an age.
Troubles drifted off with the long summer breeze
and swept your hair from your understanding eyes.

I heard you today
and all the bells and birds
rose in symphony at your laugh
as the sun envied the brightness of your smile.

I did not hear your cries as I wrenched a thousand words from my breast,
nor your protestations as my eyes recalled yet another deep magenta sky.

I did not see your tears of frustration as I marvelled at the world,
singing at snow angels and harbouring the winter chill.

I did not feel your heartbeat leave mine as the russets fell
nor did I  hear you call my name over my frustrated sighs and readily tempered ego.

I did not notice your silence
until I saw you drowning as I described the water.

You mean nothing to me
You are but a whisper
playing upon my conscience
twisting the sacred curve of my mortality
Until all around me burns.
Ash collects the tears at my feet
while you dance gaily in their wake.

To you I am everything
Your first, your last, your always
I am suffocated by your darkness.
Drowning in despair beyond measure
I scream for you to leave
while yearning for something more.
Your touch, subtle, yet forever damning
will bring torment to my wanton flesh.

We are all to each other.

Oh to be there when you wake, your skin sweet and warm with the echoes of slumber. To watch as your smile dawns, more beautiful than any sunrise that has ever brought my world to life. 

To place my head upon your shoulder, my fingers coiled around yours, as our limbs tangle in hope of purchase against our parting and kisses bloom sweeter than any gift man's heaven could bestow.

Oh to lay there in stillness, silent against the insistent morning as love draws breath and home is found within whispers of tomorrow.

You will not see my shadow pass
the gate of mournings eerie dark
Nor hear my voice among the reeds
that grow above my silenced heart
No fondest kiss to furrowed brow
to quell the torment of your making
for you have left me here alone
to sleep the sleep that knows no waking.

Blindly into the black
Sensations muted
this patient
impatient, in-patient
writhes with silence
infested with love
yet tempted by the void.
Seeing all.
Feeling none.
Numb.
A state of delusion beckons
Serotonin downers
melancholy malaise.
Survival is key.

I dream of you as fingers roam
to places deep within
and wonder how I ever lost
the urge to roar with sin.

My hands they wander, quicker now,
with eager memory
of how your limbs felt wrapped with mine,
though it has never been.

You loved me once in forest glade,
again on golden shore
you took me on a stormy night
and left me wanting more.

Now here I lie in shaking form
exhaling ragged breath
in hope that one day you'll return
to love me half to death.

My body is your witness,
please shake it to it's core,
how cruel it seems to leave me here
in lust forevermore.

So take these wanton letters,
this statement of my need,
then fill my ever lonely nights
with sweet debauchery.

When all is lost
how does the heart find peace.

Here I wait among the dead
within the shadows, seldom seen
with mind as silent as the grave
a nightmare tucked within a dream.

Though my soul be scarred and flayed
by secrets deep and wounded thighs
There sits a withered hope within
to be the girl from days gone by.

I travel roads of deep despair,
chasing a shimmer of hope on the far horizon, forever out of reach, it's  sullen beauty lingers at dusk, calling
yet never yielding to my touch.
Time sleeps within the darkness
it stretches and wanes within waves of poison doubt
speaking my conscience
killing the last of me.
Knowledge presents itself slowly
that caustic drip
an ancient thirst
to  covet moons.

She comes to me in whispers
her feet treading water above silvered shards
as her cerulean stare pierces the dark.
I breath in the atmosphere
as her chill sets my lungs to burn.
Both fear and adoration fill my mind as beauty in it's bleakest form, beckons.

If I come to you once in the silence of morning
as the sunlight weaves strands of wild fire through my hair
will I taste on your breath a new love slowly dawning
will your eyes be enraptured on finding me there.

Will you hold out your arms, will your soul sweetly beckon
as lightly my kisses your passion will find
sweet petals bloom scarlet in rapturous welcome
as ivory flesh with yours softly combines.

Then I will return to the arms of another
and all will be lost in the passing of time
aside from the fate that our
hearts must now suffer,
nevermore to be yours, nevermore to be mine.