Tonight I walk alone in darkness 
where Demons tear at forbidden flesh
to carve my flaws into my skin

I am beauty, despised by my own reflection.
I am carnal joy, wrapped in bitter torment.
I am love everlasting, wrapped in deepest loathing.
I am all and nothing in turn.
Begrudgingly breathing, 
betrayed by the steady beat of my heart.

Tonight I walk alone in darkness.
It's weight leans steadily
against my unsteady nature
as my once dream filled soul
screams into the abyss.

Oh won't you play a little game?
Your life will never be the same
Please roll the dice and stoke my flame
I'll scar your back, you'll howl my name.

Let's not let rules get in the way
It's such an easy game to play
and baby, once it's underway
I'll lead your pretty heart astray.

I am temptation, wicked sin,
suggestion dripping from my skin,
dark secrets writhing deep within
my name a whisper on the wind.

I've torn so many souls to shreds
while hearts decayed and tears were shed,
delight would fill me as they bled
once exiled from my harlots bed.

So heed my warning, hold it true
then cast it ever far from view.
Take your turn, then when you're through
let me be the death of you.

I dream of running
grabbing a bag
disappearing
no longer held
by your golden tether
and pretty lies.

I dream of escape,
sweet freedom mine.
Where my name no is longer a curse on your lips
and your eager hands cannot reach my tattered skin.

I dream of fleeing
quick footed and silent,
leaving but a twisted photograph of our finest hour
and nothing of the me you thought you knew.

These dreams magnify my imprisonment
within your passionless walls.
I am trapped, this I know,
flailing helplessly,
entwined within your love-struck loathing.
Despised,
Seeing every piece of myself shatter
as the silence screams my name
too weary now to pick up the pieces
and bind them to my still beating heart

Time slips through my fingers like
quicksilver kisses.
Forgotten dreams,
haunted days and scream filled memories mark the hours as they darken.

(I know not this creature, nor her needs anymore
she covets all but comfort, as scar tissue stifles her cries)

Spinning wildly now,
shadows heed my warning and run.
Silence whispers gladly
"a friend to none and foe to all"
Loneliness, my redeemer beckons with a knowing smile
and I am lost once more.

Last night I drowned in whiskey sighs
and long forgotten names.
Scenes of a life on showreel flickered
past my smoke dried eyes.
Reaping memories from curled photographs dampened by the mists of time,
harvesting my youth for sustenance against my growing years.

We stood beer-brave in tented fields
sunshine grins grimaced at *** wide eyes,
bare feet caked in ancient loam
as we danced with the joy of jesters
to a beat unheard as it carried.

We vibrant few, army booted, rainbow clothed
misunderstanding forever,
believing it was ours to keep in tattooed burlap.
While too many Floyd wrapped sunsets slowly sealed our fates.

Scream

Hold your breath, don't look down
take the pills before you drown.
Pretty hues, a rainbow cure
to salve your soul, to make you pure.

Sing your song in darkened corners,
use your light to help you through
let your mind be free of borders
feel no shame in being you.

Do not run from your reflection,
seek the starlight in your eyes
listen not to others leanings,
stand your ground, ignore the lies.

Then when you are feeling stronger,
your battle scars a faded dream
I hope that peace will settle gently
upon your brow to quell your scream.

What it is to be small
barely something at all
while my silence engulfs every breath
I could yearn to be seen,
because yearning is free
though the outcomes are laden with stress.
So I'll just stay sat here
little freak, bound by fears
Marked by all that I ever dared love,
While the clocks mark the hours
and my heart is devoured
by a man who knows not what he does.

I wish I could tell you all the things that make me small and cloud my vision with too much dark. I long to tear the words from my throat, to cast light onto the syllables that cause my heart to flounder.


I have cried a million tears since the day of my passing, none of which have begun to erode the stone in which my fears are set. They are chiseled too deeply into the lonely tomb that holds my sometime smile.


I wish I could tell you of all the things that make me small, I wish I could share my darkest dreaming and not fear the cloud of judgement that will settle upon your brow as it steals my breath and breaks my heart.


I can only love you and hope that it's enough.

Am I anything at all
if I'm nothing to you?

I am nothing

Insignificance itself

Spiralling rapidly

flailing in stillness

Words etched upon skin

black ink staining alabaster

bring judgement

upon my weary brow

unforgiving frowns weigh heavy

upon my already laden being

Lies paint my face in colour

while inside

only black remains.

I am the disappeared
my name spoken no more
by the tongues of zealous lovers.
I will not weep as my eyes look upon my banished heart
nor will I revel in it's decay
I will only mourn that time in it's passing is not as brief as your passion for my smile.

My skin is but a map of scars
a journal of all the times I have betrayed myself.
Raw emotion settles in silver lines
multiplying with every breath taken
in fear and rage at my reflection.
I write meaningless lines in hope of cure as I carry the weight of their shame. I let them go, to travel into the ether in hope of reply, of friendship, of hope that I am sometime seen. A doppelganger of my former self, I writhe and spit lines at shadows, the longing too deep to name, my loneliness a constant echo within the barrens of my mind.

She will not speak to you of darkness,
she'll keep her sickness hidden well
a painted smile on filthy carcass,
a secret sworn to never tell.

She loves you though her heart abhors it,
she wrestles with her troubled mind
and hopes that in her broken spirit
a grain of beauty you may find.

She knows that when you see her closely
your heart will flee to others arms
for there can be no swift repairing
of wounds torn deep by lovers harm.

Gaslight Anthem**

On President Street, you'll find the sisters
Praying over
My city's heart
While Union Avenue
Turns to its disciples
Who feels the pressure heat coming on hard?

And If all was well
And your heart could find the words
Would we be for better baby
Would we be for worse
And if there was a way
To navigate your seas
If tonight my true love
Dared belong to me

And Juliet she's just smoking by the window
Saying stone cold
I believe in you Romeo
And the raindrops in the cars
Keep on falling from off the bars
Blocking out a good song
Playing on the radio

And if all was well
And your heart could find the words
Would we be for better baby
Would we be for worse
And if there was a way
To navigate your seas
If tonight my true love
(Dared belong to me)

Well I've been down
I've been out
Had my head and my heart kicked around

I've been down
I've been out
Had my head and my heart kicked around

But in the quiet of the night
Romeo's mind is burning
From putting all of his blood
Into them sermons

And If all was well
And your heart could find the words
Would we be for better baby
Would we be for worse
And if there was a way
To navigate your seas
If tonight my true love
Dared belong to me

(Do you miss her right now?) Dared belong to me
(Do you miss her right now?) Dared belong to me
(Do you miss her right now?) Dared belong to me
(Do you miss her right now?) Dared belong to me.

Should I kiss every inch of your skin?
gentle hands tracing your outline in the dark
warm skin pressed against yours
as our movements become one.
Should I whisper your name as I come undone?
Then, when we are still,
and trading quickened breaths
will you whisper my name to the beat of your heart.

I wander through the evergreens
past stones no longer bearing names
the posy scent of faded blooms
now mingle with the falling rain.
My only company a crow
with beady eye and mourning clothes
aloud he cries into the squall,
this keeper of a thousand souls.
He leads me on to where you lay
in silent slumber all alone
in comfort now I pray you'll be
each stormy night and frosted morn.
The wind now moans its sweet lament
to bow the trees, their heads in shame
as tattered posies turn to dust
among these stones that bear no name.

Moved by ungracious deeds,
minds lost in wedded eyes.
Sanity is overrated....
Sin is not.

Six small words, that's all.


Six. Small. Words. 


Yet they sit mute on my tongue, held tightly by fear of the destruction they will cause. 

Seven syllables.
Swirling around my brain, screaming through my consciousness everytime we talk, begging to be spoken, consuming my every panicked thought.

Twenty two letters.
A small amount, though enough to tear two worlds into shreds and cast friendship into darkness everlasting.


They're only words, right?

If that were true, I would scream them across the sea, my truth drowning out the roar of the tide..... but these words would take you from me, so I bite down on them, imprison them within, where they churn and spit with fury at my cowardice.

Six small words I'll always mean but never say, seven syllables that would send you reeling, running, betrayed.  Twenty two letters that I could only ever follow with "I'm sorry" as I watch you walk away.

Hips crash, breaking waves to shudder flesh. In this moment we are each other.
Linked limbs give way to locked eyes as passions kiss moves south.
Hand clasped sheets ripple at the shores of our abandon while all time stops and stretches cat-like across our waking.
We are one and all together.
A cry splits the darkness, ragged breaths tear from swelling chests as finally sleep masters all.

Slow it down
breathe me in,
deeply.
Eyes closed,
skin touching,
slowly stirring,
heat rising.

Watch me want you,
feel me need you,
let tender touches bring thunder
as deep kisses bring rain.

Let your slow hands
feather-light, stone strong
trace shivers
down my supple spine,
as clustered kisses please.

Let our bodies meet
with the grace of angels
as sainted flesh
slowly, silently, succumbs
to sacred sensation
and time silently slips away.

I once saw a magician
make a woman disappear
I couldn't understand it
she was there, then wasn't here.

Over many years that followed
my mind still wandered back
to the disappearing woman
in her box all draped in black.

Was it nice there, in that moment
When existence wasn't hers?
Was she tempted to just stay there
When the crowd called out the words?

When the box had finished spinning
and the crowd had settled down
she appeared there, smiling brightly
perfect hair and sparkling gown.

But out beyond the stage lights
'neath the make up and the glitter,
the disappearing woman knows
it's all just smoke and mirrors.

Come find me in your darkest hour
Come knock upon my door
I'll light a fire and pour the wine
throw cushions on the floor

Come huddle under blankets
Find comfort in my smile
and tell me of the life you live
it's triumphs, fears and trials

Lean in a little closer
Let me whisper in your ear
Let me put my arms around you
There is no judgement here

Let me tell you all my secrets
While my head lies on your chest
Let the world go on without us
Never caring for the rest

Then when sweet slumber finds us
Bringing whispers to an end
I'll hold your dreams within my heart
My sweetest poet friend.

There is a place I keep for me
where others cannot go
It's hidden deep within my heart
behind a soulless glow.

The skies are always cornflower blue
while all the trees in bloom
drop blossoms pink as candy floss
to chase away the gloom.

Beneath the sea of stolen cares
a darkness seethes and roars
a warning cry to he who dares
set foot upon it's shores.

There is a place I keep for me
a darkness deep and true
I keep it safe and hide it well
Beneath  it's pretty view.

In youth I danced for druids
I twirled in twighlight haze
tinkling bells adorned my feet
and magic filled my days.

My skirts flowed softly outwards,
as I spun between the stones
the wisdom of all women,
as the drumming shook my bones.

I danced my steps with passion
my joyful limbs took flight
as the flames rose ever higher
sending sparks into the night.

Then when the dance was over
and my offering was done,
we sat and praised the solstice
with the coming of the sun.

Someday our lonely eyes will meet
our fingers will entwine
and there within that moment
my heart will not be mine.

I'll give it to you gladly
to linger with your own 
your smile will be my waking breath
your loving arms my home.

I'll kiss you with each sunrise
rest my head with yours at dusk
and hold you through the ages
'till we crumble into dust.

I hold this dream with tender hands
in hope that it comes true
and wait here for the someday
when I belong to you.

by Sanders Bohlke**

Somewhere
I wanna go there
I wanna go there with you

Your light is my witness
Oh and your tears are my storm
And your grave is my enemy
Oh and your skin is my form

Somewhere
I wanna go there
I wanna go there with you

Your prayers are my treason
Oh and your rain is my hell
And your words are my freedom
And your soul is my shell

Somewhere
I wanna go there
I wanna go there with you

Your fire is my lifeblood
Oh and your heart is my throne
Oh and your will, oh your will is my fortune
Oh and your fate is my own

Somewhere
I wanna go there
I wanna go there with you

The song took flight on whispered breeze
and fled the warmth of nest and home
infusing dusk with sorrow sweet
to soothe the village down below

swift passed the pious mourners now
that weep where beauty lays 
near crumbling stones of pitied souls
in decadent decay 

Onwards it soars o'er sideways streets
clean steps in tidy rows
dark windows lit with single glint
locked doors show no remorse

the melody it rests awhile
then builds again reborn
no joy is found
where sadness blooms, for she is here no more 

but death he will not linger here
his reaping swiftly spent
and in his wake on whispered breeze
the nightingales lament.

The courtroom it hums like a sewer
the pundits are all turning green
while a clown nanna naps in the foreground
caring not for the "witch hunt" it seems

The Lawyers make lying look easy,
slight of hand, fleet of tongue, jazz hands please!
While the Judge sits agog at the Weather
as she blows through their follies with ease.

Oh what will become of poor Donnie?
What fate will be wrought on this soul
who did nothing...to no one,
like....ever....LOVES the bible...
Oh look!
Sleepy Joe!

You come to me in splinters.
I drive them in, you smile at the agony.
Punctured skin brings ribbons,
cascading life in scarlet.
My suffering, your solace.
Push deeper, let them grind against brittle bone, tear at tendon and humming vessels.
That we may feel something beyond this quiet comfort.

I was made of glass
fragile and hollow by design
reflecting those around me
but never quite fulfilled.
I shattered, tiny fragments glistened
like tears
But still I felt nothing.
Sorrow slipped silently
numbing a soul hungry for all yet thirsting for none
I sat in darkness waiting
for you to see the sunbeams
glancing off the shards and think them beautiful
but you were blinded by so many splinters
that you could never imagine the whole.

Twilight's melody rises
mournfully dressed in lilac hues 
she grieves for the glory of the primrose sun.

The rise and fall of waltzing starlings
mirror the final breaths of the day
as with glorious mirth they beckon to the silvered chill of the moon.

Starlit starlings sleep unfettered
settled now in treetops high
when dawn awakes they'll join the chorus
Waking all with joyful cry.

They'll take to wing across the skyline
and charm the clouds to a whispered sigh
Come evening they'll return with glory
Weaving waves into the sky.

Steal away at twilight's calling
make your bed and tell your lies
meet me on the lonely hillside
bathed in guilt and alibi's.

Take me to the singing river
hold me under, wash me clean,
rid my spirit of this longing
breathe to life my only need.

Lay me down on emerald pasture, moonlight pale with eyes aglow
make my skin your only comfort,
savour pleasures yet unknown.

Touch me where he shall not enter
take your hands and soothe my soul,
press your holy weight upon me
taint my flesh and make me whole.

Take me home in sacred silence,
once again we mourn our deed
hearts now closed, our minds preparing
tales of time, meant to deceive.

Quiet guilt it will not linger
as we crave to taste once more
taken hearts and love forbidden
wrapped in lies forevermore.

Break the monotony.
Note the dichotomy
of adverts that tell us to
please drink....responsibly.

Worship the wannabes
counting their calories,
though gorging on fame
is the worst kind of gluttony.

Don't be a commodity
to hell with conformity
refuse to be part of this un-divine comedy.

I make no apology
for my air of despondency
as you take all too gladly
your TV lobotomy.

Today I'll run, a bag on my shoulder packed lightly, there is nothing here I want or need anymore. I'll be the silent girl staring down the track, waiting for the rush and hum that will remove me from certain death, into uncertain life.
Today I'll fly from you, This fourth finger scar tissue always mine never yours, stunts circulation now and strangles every last breath from my scream dry throat.
I long to cry freedom for I have tasted enough salt water within our age of discontent. I have created oceans in your wake as I cling with broken fingers to the raft of my sanity.
Today I'll run, tomorrow I'll hope for the courage to stay.

These inkstained fingers
bare my soul
naked and spiralling
I deceive myself with your memory.
It was you,
the first touch
on naked flesh
too young to grasp
the magnitude.
It was I
that loved your every breath
never questioning that I belonged
right there
within the warmth of your laugh.
It was time
that showed me it was a lie.

You hate my poems
You say they take me from you
that they're pointless
a waste of time
maybe you're right.
You read them,
just the words as they fall,
and say you get nothing
just syllables.
I have lost count
of the sighs and eyerolls,
the you have no talents,
they sit in a memory box
along with the times you've asked me to stop.
Stop.
Just like that.
Stop pouring myself onto paper,
Stop looking for beauty in darkness,
Stop healing.
You prefer me broken, fragile, dependant,
the girl you took from nowhere to god knows where
a once pretty, broken thing
to hang silently from your arm
while you talk proudly of the soul that you saved.
You fear that my writing will end us.
I fear that my stopping will end me.

I remember you well
at the halfway hotel
dusty corduroy ragged
shambling shoes smiling
toothless and untethered.

You, shop door keeper
sidewalk sleeper
a torrent of tall tales
and misery sweet
You, invisible to those
who see beauty 
in possessions alone
while all you possess
hangs in blue plastic noose
from your weathered hand.

Me, the bearer of bread
hot soup for the soul
and soft blanket warmth.
We settle together
to watch the world wane
You tell me your story
hushed tones as sun sets
homeowner to street roamer
family man to castaway
as an eye blinked
and winter frosts left their bloom.

We shared our love of Cohen
as the stars forged the sky
you sang a little
with tobacco rough lungs
the sweetest sound
mixed with bitter tears
picking through all that remains
in the ashes of your life.

You thanked me for kindness
grateful for a chance at visibility
your gratitude reciprocated
by the impression left upon my heart
your face forever summoned
by Leonards finest song
I remember you well
at the halfway hotel...

Dark days brought me here,
ragged and blown I stand within the devices of my fate
My roaring mouth wide, yet silent
against the cacophonous background. Brittle now, this heart of splendour
as flesh is drawn from parchment bones
revealing only words, their rhythms forever etched into my echo.

I am brittle, not broken.

I am fragile, yet stronger than any part of me that ever begged for mercy from the sweet darkness that inhabits my silent hours.

My diagnosis will not define me. It is but a drop in the oceans of love that swell and ebb behind my vacant stare.

My mind may be tainted, it will often descend into darkness but it ascends to the light with such glorious grace that I am grateful for the duality.

I sometimes hold on too tightly as I quake amongst dreams of letting go.  White knuckles and curled fingers cling to the void that becomes my existence as my dark companion enters without pause or invitation and dances through my day with numbing ease. 

Today I will refuse to follow.

How should it be said?
Should it be written in pretty prose?
Signed with blood, distilled through memories of  initial carved trees
and passions spent
Should it be told within the stillness of a whisper
Or with joyful cacophony ?
Three small words bring me to stumble,
while all the while my eyes betray the thousand words needed to describe your beauty.
Do you see me now?  my heart aflame, held within my quaking palm.
A smile alone could free me from this incessant torment.
Your voice brings rain, summer sweet and oh! how my world awakens in your gaze.

I wish I could do a *** right now
it really makes me sad
that I'm sat here in the basement
watching **** Hub with my Dad.

All the Women have turned Toxic
now they're dressing for revenge,
and their hips are always lying
about where the night will end.

They think they're ****** special
Something precious to behold
but they're all just slags and munters,
with diseased and sagging holes.

They're all just filthy ***** ya know,
each one of them the same,
look like they'd **** you senseless,
when you try it...they complain!

Wish I could do a *** right now
It makes me really sad.
I'm gonna grab a can of Monster,
can you pass the tissues Dad?

Crimson curls strewn wildly
across a sleeping chest
bright as blood on snow
against sated skin
weary limbs entwined
supple in their satisfaction
as dappled sunbeams
light the spoils of their surrender.

Dawn breaks slowly, the evening stillness gives way to the jubilant  chatter of birds as sun rises.

A church bell rings in the distance, its chimes blending with the lively babble of a nearby brook, alive with darting rainbows as the light reflects shimmering scales.

There is peace to be found here, a deep inner calm takes hold as I watch the bluebells lift their heads once more as Bumble Bees make breakfast of clover.

All of nature beckons, her green majesty awaits my adoration, her song, ancient and knowing, leads the dance to where I find my heaven.

Did you feel me through your dreaming
as I loved you in deep dark
velvet skin your senses warming 
as I kissed your beating heart.

Did you feel my warmth envelop
taking all with slow desire
sat astride the depths of pleasure
eyes ablaze with carnal fire.

Did you feel the tension rising
changing rhythms taking toll
binding flesh with pulsing passion
sweet explosions letting go.

Did you sigh on waking lonely
pray for evening to begin
to feel once more while sweetly dreaming
the ghost of me upon your skin.

The marchers make their way today
through town to Cardiff Bay
with whistles, shouts and banners up
for sweet old Mary Jane
they're marching for her freedom
all ages, colours, creeds
have come in joyful spirits
to help us free the **** 

The rich, the poor, the movers and shakers
the blowback kings and part-time partakers
the rollers, the tokers, the bongers and such
the teenage goth stoners who've had way too much
skin up as they march while making their point
and meet up with new friends while sharing a joint.

Then down at the bay side
when the bands start to play
they'll **** in the sunshine
till the end of the day.

I wanted to say thankyou
To everyone that reads
The poems of this woman
with her heart upon her sleeve
Your comments really move me
and never fail to raise a smile
it makes this urge I have to write
seem all the more worthwhile.
I love to read your poems too
they always lift my mood
some sad, some mad, some funny
and some are downright rude!
I guess that what I want to say
and the way to put it best
is I've never touched so many folks
Without fear of arrest. :-)

Blow a kiss and let me go
bid tempestuous fairwell
Such lies have passed these trembling lips
the truth of which I can not tell

Stand and let my shadow pass
through evening shades, to darkest black
Soothe my soul to sleep once more
with tales of never looking back.

Then **** my love to deepest hell
though countenance may break your heart
and break our spell to set me free
to live in peace now we're apart.

a bedtime story*

In the distance stands a lighthouse
seeing all with cyclops eye
once a beacon, now a hollow,
dead in misted moonlit sky.

Proudly once she ruled the headland,
warning all of crag and shoal
trusted friend to salt scoured sea dogs,
smugglers caught within her glow.

Beauty lived as Keepers mistress
'till one day her love did bloom
walking clifftops with her lover
brought her ending, far too soon.

Bloodied, torn by cliff face ragged
screaming for the life she craved,
Beauty held her rounded belly
As fury deep hit waters grave.

Beauty stands alone in darkness
there above the tempest sea
bloated souls of those who perished
now her only company.

 When the moon is high above us
wrapped in rags and witching stare
Beauty stands atop the catwalk
weeds 'a winding through her hair.

For Jack**

Lost in a tide of a million emotions,
pulled down by the weight of my unsteady heart
left to drown in an ocean of my own creation
as saltwater depths from mine eyes did depart.

I looked to the heavens for signs of my passing
then swallowed my pride with my last gasp of air
hoping for silence and peace everlasting,
no more would I cherish, no more would I care.

Then through the darkness a soft voice did beckon,
sweet cleansing comfort in it's knowing tone
a hand it was offered to aid my protection
and to help hold together my world weary bones.

As the ocean receded my heart broke the surface
I reclaimed my soul then rejected the tide
Your heart was a beacon of light in the darkness.
Sweet unending friend, in my heart you reside