I regret
That I have yet
To barrel down a bannister
Take charge of the floorboard
And command a room,
Silent and full or
Symphonic and fractured
My perceptions
The hungry trees
Of a hungry forest
I do not regret
Having entered,
So I cannot regret
Not having done so.
Some places I imagine
Feel like
Orpheus Looking Back
Feel like
The preference
Of Pleasant Death.
You ask me why
I will not go,
I say
Because,
I Will Not.
You ask me why
I am afraid,
I say
I am a flame
Entombed
Who still feels the wind.
You ask me
What is it most
You fear?
I answer,
The flowers
In my head
Not sick,
But dead.

I'm tired of it,
The darkness,
Pulling me under,
Making me feel,
Heartless
How far fetched would it be for me
To live life, free, happily
Not having to worry about the
things that you want back from me
You laughed at me, a catastrophe
Had me sick like a disease
You cannot ever put at ease
A heart that deflates easily
I could not feasibly
Ever win you back to my side,
Fingers locked with mine
And we're looking in the eyes
Very deeply into my mind,
Seeing past all the dirt and the grime,
And the hard times, and the sad times
And all the good and all the bad and in between times
You used to be mine, I used to see my
Self taking vivid swims inside your grayish green eyes
Flowing freely in a streamline,
And maybe if you look deep inside,
Maybe you could still find
Love

Just another city kid
Trapped in the grip of Wanderlust

1.  I just couldn't stop myself from falling and suddenly realized, I didn't want to.

2. Thank you for making my time feel worth something.

3. This is the third time I've wrote this and it still doesn't explain much...I'm sorry.

4. I haven't slept for two weeks because of you and I hope you still think I'm cute with these bags under my eyes.

5. All the ***** couldn't drown my love for you and never once did it make me forget your name; only my own.

6. There are over one million thoughts going through my head everyday, and I still haven't mastered the art of putting them on paper but maybe one part of this will mean something.

7. It's hard for me to explain what's going through my head right now...but I've thinking about you all night.

8. I just had to say this before it was too late but hell, I'm barely on time for class each day.

9. I wanted to wait for the perfect time, but that wait would last forever.

10. I don't know how to be alone and I hoped someday that you'd fill in the empty space in my bed.

11. My hands are shaking and I don't know if I am scared, nervous or anxious; but I know this time I won't chicken out.

12. I just had to get this weight off my chest and god, I almost forgot what it was like to really breathe.

13. I am tired of being afraid.

Do the other girls,
Look nicer?
Talk sweeter?
Sing louder?

Are they better then me?
Why are you choosing them over me?

I stand in shower,
rubbing at my skin trying to rid myself of your touch.
If I could,
I'd shed my skin all together.

It's been years and I can still remember the fear in my heart when I woke up
You took my sleeping as silent consent
Even though I was only 9.

I thought for so long that it was my fault.
I fear every man I meet,
I worry that he'll be just like you.

I still have nights where I worry that
You'll wake me up again.

I feel so used
So worthless,
and you ruined by life.

I stopped caring about my body,
I let others use me,
I let others treat me like trash
Because I felt like I was.

I stopped eating
and started to hurt myself in order to feel.

I still hate my body
and I still remember what places you touched
Where the bruises were.

You Ruined My Life

The rope tightens
At first from the base
Then along its length
Straightening
Seemingly growing
From its coiled beginnings
To its rigid completion
The release
And slowly returns
Coiled in waiting
Until next time