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Andi Jan 2016
Im holding one between my teeth
There's nothing I can do but wonder
If I should
I know I cant
10 12 20
Even never straying
Vacancy in every laugh line
Metal Mistress calming quiet
i cant breathe
Mom i ****** up
Dad im sorry
Tip of my thumb taps three times
On each side of my silver sun
Burning hot in my pocket
I revolve around it and it takes my empty heart
Motel 6
im in trouble
  Nov 2015 Andi
I regret
That I have yet
To barrel down a bannister
Take charge of the floorboard
And command a room,
Silent and full or
Symphonic and fractured
My perceptions
The hungry trees
Of a hungry forest
I do not regret
Having entered,
So I cannot regret
Not having done so.
Some places I imagine
Feel like
Orpheus Looking Back
Feel like
The preference
Of Pleasant Death.
You ask me why
I will not go,
I say
I Will Not.
You ask me why
I am afraid,
I say
I am a flame
Who still feels the wind.
You ask me
What is it most
You fear?
I answer,
The flowers
In my head
Not sick,
But dead.
  Mar 2015 Andi
1.  I just couldn't stop myself from falling and suddenly realized, I didn't want to.

2. Thank you for making my time feel worth something.

3. This is the third time I've wrote this and it still doesn't explain much...I'm sorry.

4. I haven't slept for two weeks because of you and I hope you still think I'm cute with these bags under my eyes.

5. All the ***** couldn't drown my love for you and never once did it make me forget your name; only my own.

6. There are over one million thoughts going through my head everyday, and I still haven't mastered the art of putting them on paper but maybe one part of this will mean something.

7. It's hard for me to explain what's going through my head right now...but I've thinking about you all night.

8. I just had to say this before it was too late but hell, I'm barely on time for class each day.

9. I wanted to wait for the perfect time, but that wait would last forever.

10. I don't know how to be alone and I hoped someday that you'd fill in the empty space in my bed.

11. My hands are shaking and I don't know if I am scared, nervous or anxious; but I know this time I won't chicken out.

12. I just had to get this weight off my chest and god, I almost forgot what it was like to really breathe.

13. I am tired of being afraid.
These are from letters I have actually written.
Yes, some are from suicide notes I wrote in a dark time.
Which ones are from the pain of losing yourself, or the pain of telling someone you love them, risking losing them forever.
Andi Mar 2015
He looked at her like she was the most beautiful thing in the world,
not like a piece of meat that is waiting to be devoured
more like he needed her like plants need sunlight
it almost seemed like she is oxygen and he needed her to be there and fill his lungs every time he took a breath
with every glance you could see the love in his eyes and the smile that played at his lips like he wanted to love her until the end of his life
and to be without her would be the end of his life
The way he looked at her said "I will never leave you"
like every moment with her could have been his last, and every moment without her was utter torture

She looked at him like he was the blood in her veins and every time she met his eyes it was the first time
like her love was unfathomable and without it she would not go on
She looked at him like she saw every moment they ever had together in the curve of his jawbone, every kiss they ever shared in the color of his lips, like all of the love in the world was resting on his brow

The prelude of their kiss, where their foreheads rested against each other and their noses touched seemed to be endless and peaceful as though nothing else existed

The moment they kissed looked like it lasted forever in their eyes, but felt so fleeting
like it kept them grounded and without it they would be 10 ft off the ground

"When I met Johnny, I was pure ******. He changed that. He was my first everything. My first real kiss. My first real boyfriend. My first fiancé. My first guy I had *** with. So he'll always be in my heart. Forever. Kind of funny that word." Winona Ryder
She sounded so nostalgic and soft, he meant the world to her
As though the world would be off centered without him

"I'd die for her. I love her so much. I don't know what I would do without her. She is going through a lot right now. I wish I could just kiss away the pain, make it go away, stop it, **** it! If she, you know, I don't know what I would do. I'd **** myself. I love that girl. I love her. I love her almost more than I love myself." Johnny Depp
He seemed so passionate, like without him he both couldn't and wouldn't want to go on
Like the world wouldn't stop, it would just cease to exist
"Believe me, this Winona Forever tattoo is not something I took lightly... Her eyes **** me."
I believe they did **** him, that just the thought of her cut him like glass
that every moment he spent with her made him love her so much it hurts

I want a love like Johnny and Winona
a love so strong that it'll leave me thinking about every kiss, every accidental brush of their arm against mine, every second since their eyes met mine. I want a love like music, a love that makes me feel like with it the world will slow to one beat per measure.
A love that feels like the ocean, they are the shore, and I am the seashells that get swept up in it
A love that is completely undeniable on every account

A love like Johnny and Winona
****** poetry I wrote at 3:00 am
  Dec 2014 Andi
Graced Lightning
I fall in love with places
the way that some people fall in love with human beings.
Andi Nov 2014
I know you're up, it's 3am
and still you won't answer me.
for someone who wont read it
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