I wasn't asking for attention- nor was I looking for sympathy.
I didn't need someone to save me.
I knew the unspoken consequences when I had all those thoughts and urges..
they'd be there forever.
you'll never be able to wear anything that comes a few inches short of the knee.
you'll be sore for a quite a while- you know how much it stings.
I didn't care about that- it didn't matter to me.
I didn't care about myself.

Back then, I was too naive to consider that some of those consequences might be much heavier than I was led to believe.
do you not understand this could **** you? -so what? Wouldn't it be best anyway?
it'll hurt your family, they care about you -no they don't; and even if they did, they don't have to know.
what will your future spouse think? -are you kidding? I'm never going to get married. No one will ever truly love me and all that I am.. all that I've done.
your body is a temple, made by the Almighy Go- -God doesn't want me. I'm a ***** over. He couldn't care about me even if I asked Him to. No one should.
How could anyone want someone who talks too much, laughs too loud, and loves too little?

I wasn't asking for attention- nor was I looking for sympathy.
It was purely because I felt the need to be punished-
And that punishment was what felt good to me.
I was out of my mind.
Way out of line.
The thoughts and wants and needs kept intertwining
and I couldn't think clearly anymore.

I didn't know just how wrong I was about all of that
Until I met you.
You showed me who God really was and how His love is always unconditional.
Even in the mess I had made, He sifted through it, grabbed my hand, and pulled me into the sunlight.
And then He stayed there and helped me sort it all out, fix the broken pieces, and create in me a new being.
He showed me that the pain I'd been dealing and the feelings I'd been feeling weren't the feelings and dealings He would have dealt.
He spoke in kind words that echoed through the people you introduced me to.
He moved through the winds of change that brought me to new places; and even though I was scared, He gave me the courage to continue on strong.
He rearranged my life so that I can wake up every morning without the feeling of hopelessness hanging off my heels.
So I could be grateful that I am alive.

He did this for me.
He blossomed everything around me.
Slowly and painfully, He changed me.
But the amazing thing about that pain
is that pain doesn't have regret chained to it.
It doesn't have long lasting impressions
that stay for years on end reminding me
of my worst mistakes.
It doesn't make me look back and wish
I had done it differently.

It makes me think
that I am someone
worth cherishing-

that I am someone
worth saving.

Even though
my eyes are wide open
there's so much I can't see.
My view doesn't go beyond
peripherals or the horizon-
But I know
there's so much more out there
And I want to see it all.

Forgiveness
is a funny thing.

It has no boundaries
but we end up putting them there
anyway

And sometimes forgiveness
is easier said
than done.

When I look beyond my waist, I see
all the forgiveness
you've given me

The pain you've tolerated
The time you've waited
The space you've instated
reminds me
your forgiveness
knows no end.

I look below my hips and see
all the times
you felt like nobody

I didn't know you then
I didn't know me then,
either
I only knew the light of the moon
when everyone else
was walking in daylight.

I look to my thighs and see
all the hatred
I came to believe

Not for others, no-
for the words,
the actions,
the things my eyes said
when my mind knew otherwise
and my heart screamed in agony

Sometimes forgiveness
is easier said
than done.
Especially for one
giving so much effort
to forgive themselves
when everyday they see
the person they used to be.