your warm hand
grips mine
as we walk down
this scenic route,
the tall oak trees
flaming with
leaves of orange fire
(they remind me
of my burning
love for you).
we dance on
the fiery streets,
my heart filling
with pumpkin spice love.
i inhale
the scent
of nutmeg
and your cologne
as you cup
my cheek
in your hand,
leaning down
to plant
a fiery kiss
on my lips.
who ever knew
that i would
fall for you?

he told me
i am like
summer.
when i
was here
nobody even
acknowledged
my presence.
they took
advantage of me.
but once
i left,
once i
was gone,
they all missed me
and everything
i had
to offer.

Finding a lover is effortless
for some people.
They only want a few things:
Someone attractive, kind,
funny or rich.

But
I desire
something so much deeper.

I want

an intelligent mind
that wakes up thoughts in me
I didn't realize were hibernating.

I want

to converse, analyze and debate
without being conscious of
the sun rising and falling
between our words.

I want

to make a witty remark
at a coffee shop
so he can reply sarcastically
just for me to jab back immediately
and for him to comeback back playfully
until we're both laughing
stomachs shaking
spit flying
the whole store staring
and we leave
without coffee

I want

our hands to stitch together
perfectly
like two lost puzzle pieces;
one found under a couch cushion
one found inside a junk drawer.
The rest of the puzzle has
already been thrown away
but
these two pieces remain
and they fit.

I want

to fall in love together
then together fall in love with
art, museums, songs, poems
T.V shows, radio jingles,
greek food, backroads,
our mutual hatred for pop culture,
doing the dishes (as long as he washes and I dry)
wrong turns, piled up laundry, life.
Just fall in love with life.

I want

to hurt with him

I want

to save the world with him

I want

to meet, see, understand
and experience all that is foreign
with him.

I think it will only take us meeting
and it'll only be history and happiness from then on.

It's just a matter of if a love like that could ever be
and if a love like that could ever be for me.

sometimes
i just want
to jump
into the
roaring, endless ocean
and let myself
sink to
the bottom
because if
i breathe in
and water
fills my lungs
but i do
not drown
then i am
invincible.

(explicit)

**** my soul
        with poetry
           scream out my gracious name
             slay me with words
               that peel my layers
                and simultaneously
                                   drive me
                                           insane

finger me slowly, hotly
with just the right rhythm and rhyme
    push me past my
                 tender limits
                       into tongues of syntax,
                                                      sublime

a­lliterate my senses
   (in swift stac
                    c-at
                           o)
until my mind is but blank verse
    mess up my stressed
              and unstressed syllables
in unsung language, versed

I will speak to you in vowels
(the only sound
       I will be able to make)
as you stroke
   my iambic pentameter
             in the heat of frothed-up
                                                     ache

we are this heroic couplet, you see
        even if the meaning seems veiled
           no need for simile or metaphor
               as I feel your chest rise
                              in deep inhale

we are a natural paradox
       so many ironies abound
         discordant harmony
is our synaesthesia
     in visible darkness found

and I love this delicious enjambment
as your aura invisibly slips
                               into mine
our lines have no beginning,
                                 no end
    as we undo
          the boundaries
                      of time

she stands
in the gas station bathroom,
looking at
her sunken eyes
in the smudged,
graffitied mirror,
wondering
how she got here
and how she can get out.
her shaking hands
grip the sink
as she stares
at the unrecognizable version
of herself,
the version of herself
she never saw coming.
she wants to run.
to get out
and never turn back
but her mind
holds her
in place,
gripping her
by the collar
of her shirt.
***.
alcohol.
her life
is consumed
by the things
she always told herself
she'd never get near.
but now
her life is
as cracked as
the gas station bathroom mirror
and there is no escape.
there is no turning back.
when she first
opened her legs
to him
she never realized
she would be
shutting the door
to her past life.
when she first
opened the bottle
she never realized
she would be
shutting the door
to her past life.
she never realized.
and now that
she understands
where she stands
she wishes
to be standing
somewhere else.
she wishes
she could build
a time machine
right there
in that gas station bathroom
to take her back
to life
as she once knew it.
"**** it,"
she whispers
to her reflection,
pulling a flask
out of her purse
and taking a swig.
there is no changing
the past
so she won't
bother
trying.
she wipes
the mascara
from under her eyes
and sticks
her middle fingers up,
showing life
she doesn't
give a ****
anymore.
it can't get any worse
than this.
she steps out
of the gas station bathroom,
bumping
chest to chest
with him.
he grins down
at her,
his green eyes
dancing with lust
and seduction.
she follows him
to his car,
the flask
swishing noisily
in her purse.
"it can't get any worse
than this,"
she thinks
to herself
a few weeks later,
crying on the floor
of the gas station bathroom,
staring at
the plus sign
on the dollar store
pregnancy test.

music is honestly
such a beautiful thing.
i just wrote
about not being able
to feel anymore
and this song
came on
that was so
beautiful
and made me feel
so much at once
that the emotions
poured out
of my eyes.
i haven't felt
in so long
and god
is real
and i'm speechless.