If you've ever stayed up until 4 am,
you're either lonely or in love.
And I don't know which one is worse anymore.

I want you, but I'm okay with your essence
Basking in your scent long after your presence
The pursuit of my happiness
Seems to wrapped up in your arms
Yet I'm wrapped up
And you seem to be gone
Our fate is as good as whitewashed
Unwritten history in the making
Sanitized love
I give and you're taking
I should never be ok with half
When whole is available
I was ok with your essence
Until it became untraceable

I have read the poem you wrote for me late at night hundreds of times.
I read it when my mind is constantly doubting itself.
I read it when my eye sockets are continuously flowing waterfalls and I've been drained of my confidence.
I read it when I need it.

You see those little poetic words created by a beautiful mind are my reminders that I'm strong.
That this life is not as bad as it seems.
That I have what it takes.

When looking into your eyes I see a healer.
Somebody who fixes wounds with words.
A kid at heart who fixes minds with short phrases because he is to scared to encounter his own.
A healer who needs healing.

I'd like to thank you.
For creating a boost of confidence for me.
A beautiful piece of art that'll live in my head for years to come.
Something I can go back to without worrying it'll be gone when I get there.

I hope you find someone who can give you what you gave me.
Because I believe you need it too.
A boost of confidence that'll never fade.

Did you ever think of me at night,
or at the morning
as the sun and skies rise.

Did you ever lie in bed awake,
thinking about
the chances that we didn't take.

Did you ever try to write a verse,
of a love forgotten—
of a love that's cursed.

Did you ever wish for us to be,
more than this—
this future we cannot see.

Did you ever even cry,
when you turned back
and said goodbye.

Life has a funny way of working out
For example, I once won $100 on a scratch ticket and in the exact same hour a rock hit my windshield
It cost me $100 to replace it
When I met him
The universe was aligned
The stars hung themselves in constellations only we could see
We spoke a language all our own
And the razor blades that consistently sliced through my sanity became dull
Flowers grew from the cracks in my sidewalk
His voice was a song that I always wanted to listen to
With him by my side the world was a place that I was no longer afraid of
But life has a funny way of working itself out
Fear was like the Berlin Wall
Built overnight
Separating our hearts from ever beating together ever again
And I miss him
I miss him so much that I joined tinder
I miss him so much that I deleted tinder
I miss him so much that my recent ****** partners miss him
I miss him so much
that I'll look at pictures of deceased family members just to try and miss something that's actually gone
I miss him so much that I hide in the back corners of coffee shops and libraries just to be as invisible as he makes me feel
I miss him so much that I prayed to God to let me have him back
But even God was too busy to answer the phone
I wish I was a number on the clock so he would always have time for me
I wish I was a chapter in his text books so he would always have to study me
I wish I was the nicotine in his cigarettes so I could live in his resin lungs
But life has a funny way of working itself out