Nolan, I miss what you were
You were the sun
You were the stars
You were the planets
You were my favorite person to talk to
You were days and nights thinking about you
You were mostly fine  
  
                             I'll love you until the sun explodes
                             The moon erodes
                              and the earth implodes

I was water
I was air
I wasn't clear
You aren't here

I miss your hair
I miss your clear words
I miss you
I miss you calling me your type

I heard you're talking to my name twin.

I saw it in your eyes

You think it's a win

I wish it was all lies

Hurt will cover me like a second skin

Maybe I won"t try

To make my name twin

Turn into me

I once heard that women's hearts are lethal weapons
Did he hold mine and feel threatened?
Love is one of the fundamental lessons in life
But so is pain
It covers me like a second skin
So familiar
So confortable
I welcome it like an old friend
So welcoming
So warm

I see you staring at me during church
And I pretend not to notice

Your sister is my best friend
And your mother and father love me like I'm their child

Your little brothers and I are close too
And yet you still resent me

I said sorry twice
And you rejected it

I want to talk face to face
And you just glare at me

Four months is a middle length of a relationship
And a year and a half is a long time for a crush

I feel no need to forgive again
And you don't deserve what you don't respect.

Hey, it's been awhile
You probably forgot
I used to like your now boyfriend,
And now I do not.

October 2024 was a struggle
Three flashes of metal, it was gone
My mind was at ease,
No one to please

November, December January, and February
I had to take out of me
Making myself into small pieces  
Smaller and smaller until it was gone

I had to remember
Every time I saw
You and him in the same room

Now I cannot remember
Who you really are
Who he really is

It's a new day,
It's a new week,
It's a new month

I never wanted you to hate me
I miss going to martial arts with you
I miss sitting by you on the bus
I miss going to K&K Gardens, and seeing you there
Why did we stop being friends?
When did you decide that I'm not important to you?
What made you go away?
I hurt myself so you don't get hurt
I think about you before I go to bed
When will you come back to me?
Why can't you understand I need you?
How will you go on with life knowing I still love you?
I know I messed up.
I know that you were hurting.
I've dealt with my hurt, but with sharp pieces of glass




You're just a stranger I know everything about

I don't hate you.

I just hate what you did.

I hate what you didn't do.

I hate why we aren't together.

I hate that your mom knows everything about me.

I hate that I don't hate you at all.

I hate that you always accuse me of staring at you

I hate that you chose her.

I hate that I still care.

We met in January
                                     Seven months ago

You told me I was pretty
                                    Seven months ago

You pushed me away
                                    Six months ago

It was deep, in two places
                                    Six months ago

Green eyes, Brown hair, and a nice smile
                                    Seven months ago

You said that it was going to get better
                                    Six months ago

Vincent, you left
                                     Six months ago

I loved you
                                      Six months ago

Oh how I wish I was skinny
I look at all the other girls
They have small waists
I feel like a fat monster

I eat, eat, eat
Then throw it back up
And I repeat
It's never enough

People say I'm skinny too,
But they're just being nice
They know how I look
They don't know everything I've tried

I don't eat for days
Then I eat so much
Sometimes I eat enough,
Then it comes all back up

for you i would give my everything
for you i will give my everything
for you i gave my everything

I heard that you didn't want anything to do with me
That's okay because I already knew
The glimmer in your eyes says everything
But did you have to tell me through your brother?
You could've just said it to my face
I still love you
Even though I shouldn't
I look for you in every guy
And I still find nothing
I'm not mad,
Just sad and willful
I really wish you the best,
But in the worst way possible.
I hope you realize that I still would do anything for you
You're a part of me that will never shatter
I won't let you pierce my porcelain heart
How much sad did you think I had?
How much trauma?
I'm sorry.
I hope you feel what I felt when you shattered my soul
Last year, I thought that you would notice that I liked you and you would like me back, but no.
Looking in those brown eyes just makes me want to cry now, when they used to make me want to kiss you.
She fell head over heels over you and I've been there too.
I can't stand it when she talks about you and how you're so cool.
But I know what I know, and you're just another dude

I have the urge to make myself into small peices with glass and metel

I said sorry
I've paid my fee
But I'm stuck wondering
What did it do to me?

Day by day,
Tear by tear,
I start to rebuild my walls
So no one gets near

I won't let anyone like you in again
I don't want my walls broken

Cold
Calm
Reserved

Person by person
Face by face
The memories are leaving like a fast race

I'll try not to starve
Because you're gone
Maybe I'm the problem

I believed that you loved me
Or was it all in my head?
Did I force you to say I love you?

I gave you my all, and got something back
But you pushed me away.
I think you hate me

I still listen to Like I love You by Ryley Tate Wilson
And cry because it was our song kind of

I don't think you realize you pushed me out.
And slammed the door in my face
All I wanted was to be your number one

*Maybe I'm the problem

I think you think i hate you
i don't hate you
I could never hate the love of my life
even if we dont talk anymore
i still love my pretty boy
who likes powder blue
and plays gutair

I miss you, C  
please come back to me

I guess you got bored,
Didn't you?
I wanted to talk to you more, but you were tired

Maybe it'll pass, but maybe it won't
You usually talk to me when ever you can,
or when you get off of work

But you didn't last night.
I stayed up until I couldn't anymore
And the night before I didn't sleep at all

I never got bored,
Did I?
Maybe I'm a boring person

I'm gonna scream until my vocal chords bleed and my voice is gond and your initals in my skin

I really want to run away to the walls of your house
the comfort of your bed
and the security of your arms.

I've made up my mind
I'll leave you behind this year
Our story is through

You won't remember my birthday
You won't try and get my attention
You won't talk to me

We won't have any classes together
We won't talk to each other
We don't want anything to do with each other

I won't remember your birthday
I won't talk to you
I won't try and get your attention

It's just weighing me down
I'll be light as a feather
Without you on my mind

You have nothing to do with me
And I have nothing to do with you
This is where i draw the line

I won't secretly loath you
Like i have been for the last four years
Don't get mad or sad when I'm not paying attention to you

I've turned the page
I don't sit in your pocket and wait like i used to.
I'm not keeping tabs, and I don't care in the same way i used to

Even though there are things that remind me of you
I won't think of you
Your just a memory that walks in my life

I didn't want to let go,
But I have to
I don't love you

I'm scared you can tell that I'm actually gone
Gone for good out of your mind
Don't pretend you want this

We're almost 16, and thats close to being an adult
Act like one
And leave me alone

i promised myself not to speak a word to anyone until we talk
i'll sit in the dark silence
   and wait  
     for you