I've been checking my heartbeat
Yeah, it's still going, actually quite fast
just to make sure I'm not a ghost
I've stopped caring so ask me anything
So, continue to shake my dreams
where I have the courage to speak
It's in my dreams and memories, you smile
But in reality, when I see you
I am left with rushing mind and hallow heart
I see you walk closer with that empty face
and secretly distraught, gorgeous eyes.
which make me want to ask if you're alright
too late to try, you've already walked by
leaving me with a cowardly stomach
which I'll reflect on when I try to sleep tonight
I've been reflecting on the past so much, I rarely see the present
Brought to my knees again, trying to breath
I think my heart stopped for a moment
I fear this writing has said to much
but I've found if I don't feel comfortable,
I'm not writing about the right things
I should know the over-thinking kills me
but I tend to do it anyway
I've stored up all the words I can throw
but that doesn't mean I'll get the chance to use them
my heart has no reason to keep pumping
but I will fight to survive
perhaps I'll find the answer in your smile

Something has been scratching at the back of my skull
It's just been sitting there for way too long
It yells, it whispers, it's become a splinter in my head.

Something told me I was happy, so I believed it
I was certainly happy once before, but now,
I get an uneasy feeling like the happiness will quickly fade

Something told me to go away, so I stepped to the side
I shed my tears, I pored my heart into my writings
I sat there in silence, waiting for my broken eyes to focus

Something told me to come back, so I walked towards you
I tried to smile back, but I am greeted with distraught eyes and a face I well remember
It's a face that I used to wear. Could it be that you may feel the same?

Something told me I was confused, I'm not sure what's next
my car has broken down in the middle of the freeway
They all speed along while I am screaming, "Wait!"

Something told me I was sad, so i went away
I tried to talk, but they gave me no solutions
They just ignored my words and said, "Be happy."

Something told me I was scared, but why?
I don't want to sit in the corner of the universe
I just need some help while I figure it all out.

Something has been taking my sleep, I'm done with this
But as they examine my head, they'll chuckle and say to me;
"It's absolutely nothing..."

Apparently, I've been wearing that pathetic face again.
Am I truly expected to pretend that nothing happened between us?
And as I roll around this peaceful city, I look a little closer and see
I see a small world, I see the people broken and mended
I see a world that has lost it's meaning and thrown it's sacred words away
I know you're out there, and close by too
I think I want you back but, then again
that may just be me being crazy all over again.
My words go into the microphone but
they fail to enter the ears of all those who pretend to listen
for they are too busy wasting air, talking about themselves
which gives me a reason no to listen to a word they say.
Though the world may change and people will leave
I'll be moving around and hopefully, moving on
But I'll still be me and have my close brothers
So, as sorrow and joy flow down like rain
and my thoughts meander, tumble, and leave confusion
I can say, with the utmost ease I've ever had;
"Nothing's gonna change my world!"
(Base off of the song Across the Universe by The Beatles)

God seems like a funny guy. He paid for the whole omnipresent
seat, so he'd better get comfortable. I can hear him
laughing at every step. But I can tell he's embarrassed

These days I catch myself looking at the writings and recalling
why I wrote. Knowing who they were for. They'll never see
the words I just randomly thought of that I wish I wrote.

Here I am looking at the clock. Counting the days to the day
which I don't know. The man in the attic does. His little snicker
taunts at the back of my skull. I'll keep believing no matter what.

Just look out of the brick window and daydream in blue.
I tend to have daydreams I thought only possible with cigarettes.
The thoughts drift through my open mind and only leave chills

The ear-piercing alarm that my head makes blares through my cold figure and jolts me awake struggling for warmth in my bed once more,
trying to guess how many minuets have passed since I turned off the light and drifted away.

I'll wait forever knowing something good is coming. There's
a blueprint of sorts coming and I cant help but thinking
the harsh graffiti on the walls are signs. I Haven't been sleeping well.

Sure, give me another dream just to wake up from. When that
day comes, maybe something will go right or am I just
waiting for the day to come where God says "Yeah alright, Mate."
Can I have a hint?

Now where to start? At the start or the last point I'll make?
I'll just try my best to make some sense.
Have I not been the same or has everyone changed?
I wanted the world to stop when it started to crash.
I don't know how nor when but my motivation
has simply drifted asleep and left my eyes wide open and worried
I try to think of something, a simile, a metaphor,
a "like" or "as" but i cant help but stutter and realize
nothing I've ever known can compare to this chapter of me

My thoughts have left me and buried me as I did to them
And just as before, they find  way to dig themselves back up
I can drown them out with another digital whatever
or another episode of a show which I'll laugh for a few moments
or maybe I'll just let them roam free and I will
explain just what these thoughts are or at least try
in the start of this chapter of me.

In the day which feels like yesterday, something happened.
I've tried finding a chorus that described how i didn't fight
and the constant thoughts have dragged me back into the cave
I've been working so hard to get out of. You didn't mean for this, of course I know nobody does. And I lost the map in the storm.
I don't want you in my life but i find you in nearly every minuet of it.
So I'm sorry if I don't return the smile, or the small wave,
if i try to avoid, and i know I'm breaking
because that's the theme in this chapter of me.

But as I go throughout the day, I cant help but wear a pathetic face
one that says "I'm here and I have a problem call me out
so that way I have an excuse to vent."
I know full well that it wont work but what else is there to do
simply another motif in this chapter of me.

I'll turn away now and try to get my heart pumping again
as I look away. I'm afraid to do a lot of things
But as I turn back to that person only for a second,
praying that maybe you'll hear my internal speech,
I want to pull you aside and explain how if there is
any part of you that wants to try again, just know that
there's still room for you in this chapter of me

Alarm screeches and the world is cold
bed is too warm to face the day
Disoriented and distraught, out the door with you
head spins while the mind stays still
staring at the ceiling for hours, zoned out
did you fall asleep or did you stay awake?
Try to close your eyes
and drift away...