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Drunk girl crying in the parking lot
          Always begins her ‘plaints with “I”
Dull boy whining on an email screen
          Always begins his notes with “I”
Mean girl screaming in the shopping mall
          Always begins her rage with “I”
Sad boy ******* on a cigarette
          Always begins his verse with “I”
‘Lone girl staring at a tv set
          Always begins her sigh with “I”

And why?

Because they overdose on I, ME, MY
 May 2018 bekka walker
svdgrl
Chewing the hard burnt bits of cheese off of frozen pizza
I am soft, I am light, I am not giving a single **** about the extra calories I'm consuming at 3 AM.
Ellios.
But from the hospital my mother works at,
must have been reheated a few times now.
I don't ******* care. It's food.

And here I am. Alone in my bed.
Listening to Russian Circles and hoping
it'll help me write something actually worth sharing for once.
Eh, I'd rather not take myself so.

I like a few guys.
I like a girl very much.
I'm starting a new job.
I'm scared of what's to come.
I'm scared of disappointing everyone.
I'm an ellios pizza stowed away as leftovers, a midnight snack.
Hoping to be worthy of praise.
Sprinkled in trader joes seasoning. I'm just so special.
I'm tasty but I'm so much more than I seem.
Cook me in the oven, if you want me crispy.
I cure hangovers.
Just with my fingertips, I promise.
Sleep with me, and see.
You'll see that I'm honest.

You'll be there in the morning.
I might decide to take a hike.
Don't ask me to stay. You don't ever mean that.
I'm fine admiring myself in my frontal camera,
on a lyft ride back home with dancehall music in the background.
I'm worth so much of my own praise that I forget to text you back.
 May 2018 bekka walker
svdgrl
My immune system can't keep up with my emotions,
I've broke and shed tears, learning to be kosher.
I've been sick for a month but sick of you longer.
If my resilience is strong, my resolve can be stronger.
I won't talk to you, what's there to say anyway?
Hey
What's up? You hear Deafheaven's new album?
No? Yeah, it's not out yet.
I know you're not even giving this a second thought.
But when everyone's around- I still wonder why you're not.
Even though it's brief and in passing
and maybe I'm relieved; disenchanted.
I don't have to address the silence in a drunken stupor
amongst all of these new faces, I'm super.
I can talk to whoever and not feel like a loser
swiping on tinder, wearing away my finger
prints, a repetitive motion syndrome since
that night I decided to get to stepping for my dignity.
I refused to be an option that's just in your vicinity.
I've bought one too many beers that I didn't drink myself.
I've sat shiva one too many times on your bottom shelf.
So now I just wonder if we could ever be cordial,
I've been rubbing panacea on the sofa-bed sores,
I've acquired these last few months with you.
Hey
what're you up to?
Hope you're alright
Congratulations
I bid you good night.
 May 2018 bekka walker
tabitha
past simple praise:
he loved me
but he loved his pain more

i pulled him into the bathroom once, it was dark
his warm fingers gently plucked at my heart
for some time
the way we kissed was art

his rhetoric far surpassed mine
every time
he asked me how my day was,
i proceeded to word *****
i talked about the most useless ****
when i asked him about his,
i got a shakespearean ******* sonnet

present perfect pain:
i have never been good at thinking things all the way through
and that is why i've fallen so deeply for people like you
 May 2018 bekka walker
tabitha
when i sleep, i don’t dream of you

i’m sorry
but it’s true

i don’t dream of you, i don’t see you
i barely ever hear from you
the polaroids on my bunk walls are gone
i covered them with pressed flowers and rotting leaves
i covered them with doodles of daydreams
of open skies and crooked wings
i gave myself some air to
breathe & forget

and i’m sorry love
i didn’t mean to
i swear

my lips turned blue when the ground turned white
i loved you more each day,
but you lie about where you go at night
and i lay my **** bare

so i’m sorry love
i didn’t mean to
i swear

..but also, i think, i'm only pretending to care...
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