Can you feel,
from far away?
Travelling sound,
can't escape.

Travelling words,
twist their shape.
World on thin ice,
filled with hate.

Together we make,
united we create,
peace.

Bombs go off,
incinerate.
One bullet,
is all it takes.

One true lie,
seals our fate.
Biggest gun,
takes the cake.

Together we make,
united we create,
peace.

It echos, untamed,
the words of man,
their actions, unchanged,
their thoughts, deranged.

We know the right path,
we remember our past,
but still be choose to craft,
a future built on mistakes,
one domino is all it takes,
destroy what we create.

But together we make,
united we create,
peace.

Together we are,
united we become,
one.

There's a door inside,
of my heart,
bolted shut.

No one in,
no one out.

Many before have tried,
to break it down,
to dismantle it.

But no one can,
get inside.

There's a key,
somewhere deep,
inside my chest.

Reach inside,
see what you find.

No promises,
you might be,
disappointed.

When you find,
nothing there.

I'm an empty soul,
a broken promise,
a bad cold.

I'm everything,
you hate.

So leave me,
let me be,
closed up.

I'll open my door,
when I'm ready.

Somewhere along the line,
I lost all self control.
Reckless actions led to reckless feelings I've never felt before.

I tried to fight them off,
but I just can't get enough.
These reckless feelings have me touching the ceiling and ending on the ground.

Because every time I push,
they pull me in again.
And every time I pull,
they push me down.
I'm on my hands and knees,
begging for mercy,
when the only I can give mercy to myself.

Broken things don't mend themselves,
love doesn't grow without proper soil.
My brains got rust on all the gears but I won't give them any oil.

I love to fly 'cause I love the high,
even if I crash and burn.
I'll relive it over and over again because I know I'll never learn.

I will start the fire,
and let myself burn.
And I will break my bones,
and end up on the shelf.
I'm on my hands and knees,
begging for mercy,
when only I can give mercy to myself.

Don't put the dagger in my hand,
put it in my chest.

When I came into this big world,
I knew nothing of pain and sorrow.
I grew up, blinded by my blanket,
never watched the news,
because I just couldn't follow it.

Days turned months, months turned to years,
as the days continued to rocket by.
Till one day, I felt a pain inside,
the day my grandfather died.

I remember my mother calling me,
waking me from a deep slumber.
She said, "Boys, quick, come in here,
you're grandfather has died",
as she stumbled back into the in-law apartment.

I ripped off my blanket,
and in what felt like an instant,
I was by his bedside.
My aunts and my mother cried,
but I just stood there.

I felt nothing.

So I left the room,
crawled up the stairs into our house,
and sat on the couch,
alone.

I sat there for a few minutes,
thinking,
"this isn't real",
and I think for a brief moment,
I believed myself.

That was until I saw the hearse.

It slowly backed into my driveway,
eerily rolling ever so slowly,
then it came a complete stop.

A man stepped out and walked to the back or the vehicle,
he opened the two swinging back doors,
which flew open with ease.
He then pulled out what looked like a stretcher,
it was draped with a white sheet.
A few of my uncles pulled up next to the hearse,
jumped out of their trucks,
and rushed inside.

The man followed them.

And soon enough,
they all came back out.
Following them was the man with the stretcher.

Resting in it,
covered in another white sheet,
was my grandfather.

My family gathered around the back of the hearse.
Most of my aunts were crying,
with my uncles comforting them.

That was when it hit me.

I felt my chest caving in,
my lungs deflating,
my heart imploding on itself.

A lone tear fell from my eye as I watched the man ease my grandfather into the back of his hearse,
and drive away.

The man I loved,
was gone.

The man who told me ***** jokes,
was gone.

The man who made me a man,
was gone.

The only man who understood me,
was gone.

I made my way to my bedroom,
where I began to weep uncontrollably.

Never in my life had I felt such pain.

And never again,
will I feel a pain as powerful,
as I did the day,
my grandfather died.

I hide behind a cloth mask,
I drape it over my face every day,
and take it off at night.
No one knows me.

No one understands who I am,
why I am the way I am,
they just brush me aside.

So I wear the cloth mask,
and they make me what they see,
they make me what they see.

O joyous world
for which I weep,
what splendid treats
you share with me.

For I've seen your
beauty in green mountain side,
or in soft blue skies as far as
my eyes reach.

I've been entranced by mirrored lakes
and natural silence.

I weep for the people
who will not see,
the elegance carved before me.

I weep for the world
encased in sin,
a concrete evil that shackles our will.

If I was smarter,
I could save the world.
If I was stronger,
I could get the girl.

If I was talented,
I'd write a song for peace.
But I'm not special,
to say the least.

I'm just here,
I'm just there.
I'm just lost,
I'm nowhere.

I'm alive,
but I'm dead.
I'm inside,
my own head.

I won't be long,
don't mind me.
My stay here,
temporary.

I'll amount,
to nothing.

I caught you,
in a glimpse of time.
I can't seem to find the photo,
half burnt in the fire.

Golden sky,
painted with fire.
I hear the voices,
in unison, like a choir.

Jump start my heart,
make me move.
We both know,
we have nothing to lose.

Take a photograph,
take one of me.
Then tear it apart,
and watch it bleed.

I know there's love,
I just don't know where.
I can see,
right through your stare.

Jump start my heart,
make me move.
I'm stalling out,
I'm yours to lose.

Open casket funeral and I'm inside it,
watching all the spectators crying,
but I don't get it,
it's what I've always wanted.

Here come friends and family,
kiss me on the lips,
I feel their tears as cold as ice,
their lips burn,
hot as a steam pipe.

But this is what I wanted,
I've been in the air for years,
finally came down on a whim,
and now I'm here.

Rotted, spoiled,
like a piece of bad meat.
In need of oil,
like a rusty machine.

Gears won't turn,
fire won't burn.
Can you keep me burning?
Keep my gears turning?

I'm alone,
everyday,
thoughts surround,
my mind in waves.

I don't know,
if there's a way,
to save myself,
from my own hate.

Always fear,
the end is near,
but it keeps turning,
and I keep living,
unwilling.

Crusted over,
my eyes are closed.
There's nothing worth,
seeing anymore.

I just walk this Earth,
blind and empty.
Wondering why,
did God send me?

I need to,
get away,
from this broken,
burnt up place.

If you want,
come with me,
we can leave here,
be set free.

I'm not staying,
in this hell,
I'm better off dead,
than myself.

Light crackles over muffled buzzing,
waving, smiling, gently loving,
happy faces and happy places, caught in time.

History flickering from a tiny roll,
people sitting in swimming holes,
the purest bliss and happiness, caught in time.

Young people and old ones,
sharing laughs with one another,
old age is non-existent, just this time.

And as I stare at a TV,
and watch my history play on screen
time is just a word to me.

I feel afraid,
afraid to hold your hand,
because I know,
I won't be your only man.

I feel afraid,
to tell you how I feel,
because I know,
that none of this is real.

I'll put my faith in tomorrow,
knowing it won't run away.
I know I have a future,
and I know that you can't stay.

So please,
don't make me,
say go.

Don't tell me,
what we have is real.
I know how,
you really feel.

Don't tell me,
you love my laugh.
This love is false,
it will not last.

I've never been one to let in,
the people who love me most.
I've been let down too much,
to let someone in too close.

So please,
don't make me,
say go.

I don't want you to go.
I just want you to know...

Snow squashed beneath my feet,
colored with dirt and gasoline,
as I shuffled down the road.

I had many more miles to go,
and it looked like the snow,
wasn't letting up anytime soon.

With my pack on my back,
and my stick holding a sack,
I trudged forward, fearlessly.

To find a home,
was my only goal,
but that seemed out of reach.

So I wandered into the woods,
and pulled up my hood,
as I looked for a place to set up camp.

And the nights were cold,
my toes, they froze,
as I bundled up in my blanket.

How long would I survive?
Would I make it out alive?
Question ran rampant though my head.

Till one morning, I woke,
there seemed to be a white smoke,
that blanketed the ground.

In front of me,
something pearly,
what looked like massive gates.

At the gate, a man stood waiting,
and after much contemplation,
I approached him.

He said, "come closer my son,
you're here for all you've done,
you traveled everywhere, doing good.

And now you have earned,
what most people will yearn for,
a spot in my kingdom."

"But sir," I retorted too him,
"I never believed in you."
The man looked at me and smiled.

"I forgive everyone,
you see son,
and you deserve this."

It was then,
we began to ascend,
into his kingdom.

Spiraling,
down,
down,
down,
crashing,
smashing,
impact,
layers of hate,
miles of pain,
back to Earth.

Every night I run red lights,
and not because I'm in a rush,
something about the possibility of death,
I just love it.
And sometimes I wish metal would crash,
roll me over and take my life,
icy cold heart in my chest,
just won't stop beating.
And my brains would spew out of my mouth,
like applesauce out of a baby's,
like these words I'm throwing up onto paper,
the words I can't say out loud.

Stress is a noose around my neck,
a dagger to my heart,
a thief in the dark,
taking a piece of me each time it slithers through.

Am I a lover, or just an object?
Trapped in time,
in perpetual rhymes,
navigating without signs,
blind.

Am I the one, or am I just another?
Just another face,
in the lovers race,
for your faith,
replaced.

I've searched far and wide,
for a love I can't find,
I've begged and plead on my knees.

I must know,
before I go,
what did I do to make you leave?

Because I tried so hard,
and I fought,
and I loved you,
like no one else,
has ever loved you.
But now I sit here,
alone and confused,
wondering,
what did I do?

And so I wander.

Am I a fool,
chasing gold,
without a clue,
of the consequence?

Or am I just another lover,
chasing a love,
so innocent.

Troubled is the soul,
put on hold.
Stuck in transition,
limbo without permission.

Broken into pieces,
shattered in fact,
fallen off track,
down the not so beaten path.

Cold in the bones,
grown weary and old.
Fragile and weak,
and quite frankly, meek.

I feel for you poor soul,
for your life has been sold.
Sold for nothing more,
than three stones, maybe four.

Or a cheap Sunday *****?
One better than the last,
one with a vicious, broken past,
one picked out of the trash.

The years go on and on and on,
on repeat, like a bad song,
and you can't help but feel blue,
trapped in transition, without a clue.

You hold on to a battered past,
like the *****, you feel like trash,
cast aside in the waiting room,
gun to your head, your life is ruined.

And all because,
you never gave enough.

Isn't life tough?

Reaching back, to the past,
hoping to pull something out of the wreck.
Nothing remains, but a fiery mess,
everything has changed.

I walk alone, down a lonely road,
I can't look back,
because if I do,
I won't continue.

I fight forward, struggling onward,
I leave everything.

Every name,
every touch,
every kiss,
every bit of love.

All of it.

I'm leaving you behind.

The world is so **** dark, I can't see a thing.
I'm blinded by my own insignificance.
Something tells me I need to run away,
but I can't find the strength to stand.

Broken bones shelter this broken heart,
the outside looks okay, but I'm falling apart.
I'm trying to find the right words to say,
but I know I can't make you stay.

Lacerations on my heart,
you cut so deep,
you left so many scars.
And I thought you were not the girl,
who would take it all and run,
but clearly I was mistaken.

Now I sit here on my doorstep,
thinking of all the spider webs,
tangled up inside my head,
I can't seem to escape.

The more I struggle, the worse it gets,
like I'm fighting an undertow.
I'm fighting for my hopeless life,
maybe I'll just let go.

I hope I die real slow.

It's hard to say how he felt,
when he heard my voice,
when he opened the passenger door,
and sat right next to me.

I wasn't sure,
if what I was doing was a bad idea,
but when that man sat next to me,
I felt quite content.

The rain fell down on the street,
as he looked down at his feet,
I asked him where to go,
and he pointed ahead.

As we drove through the driving rain,
he asked me for my name,
and I told him,
and he said...

"My name is Convicton,
I moved here last year,
with my wife and my kid,
now I live here."

I looked and I smiled,
told him that was neat,
asked where he was from,
then he looked at me...

"I moved here from Haiti,
after the earthquake.
God blessed me with life,
and I'm not going to waste it."

As he told me to turn right,
I asked him why,
why did he move here,
and what made him keep trying.

And he told me, "Gods blessings,
he sends them to me,
in the forms of small things,
in the forms of thee."

And he smiled at me,
as he told me to stop.
I pulled over and told him,
it was nice to talk.

He grabbed his laundry,
and closed the back door.
I looked out the passenger window,
and waved au revoir.

He smiled at me,
and told me "God bless!".
Then he shuffled away,
into his house.

And as shifted into drive,
and slowly drove away,
I smiled and thought,
"one good deed a day".

I am inevitable,
destined to do it.
Designed to fail,
and prepared to lose it.

I know I will crack,
crumble and fall.
But can I handle it,
losing it all.

Is there an escape?
A way out of here?
Or will succumb,
to my greatest fear.

Losing you,
will tear me apart.
And with you, you take,
my precious heart.

Shaving seconds,
manipulating minutes,
trying to beat time.

Breaking down,
without a sound,
send me a sign.

Reading waves,
vibes and phases.
I can't help,
if you don't try.

There's a world waiting,
a world worth saving,
and I see it in you.

I'll fight the battle,
I'll win the war,
I'll do all I can do.

Give me a moment,
a second at least,
I need to explain,
my heart is true.

I'll save you,
if it's the last thing I do.
I'll save you.

I am the forgotten,
the memory,
the drifter,
the lost.

I am the stranger,
the bystander
the loser,
the tossed.

I am the deleted,
the erased.

I am the blank,
forgotten face.

I am the last breath,
you want to waste.

I am the forgotten,
and so I will remain.

My flame is going out,
and I don't know how to light it.
It's cold inside my chest,
and I just can't ignite it.

Saturated by the love I hate and the hate I love to feel,
I question every word because every word you say might not be real.

And when I lay in bed at night looking at the colors crawl across the ceiling,
I pray that when I wake up the next morning, they'll reflect the way I'm feeling.

I sat from afar,
separated by barb wired walls,
and I waited to patiently,
slowly building a bridge from you to me.

Now I sit here in the dead of night,
counting wasted months and lost time,
because I thought there was something there,
but there was nothing but words and air.

So now my bridge burns,
I wish you could get in my head so you could see what you've done.
My eyes are on fire,
my heart is a liar,
and I can't help but hold my breath.

But in the end,
you'll slip through the cracks anyway...

It's easier to fold than to fight,
easier to give up every night,
easier to choose wrong, not right,
easier to lie down and die,
than to choose to be alive.

Never burn your bridges,
now is not the time.
Ignorance is a disease,
and it plagues mankind.

We're slipping, down, down, down,
don't try to defend yourself.
Your actions make you who,
who you are.

The towers topple down,
onto the heads of the dead.
Heartbeat has gone quiet,
no one uses their head.

You preach for peace and love,
but you don't practice it.
Ask me where we're going,
I'd say we've gone-to-****.

And there's no question now,
we're a lost generation.
There's no question now,
we can't stop our damnation.

I would fight through fire,
I would suffer through ice,
to have you in my heart again,
to not be alone tonight.

I'd walk through hell and back,
to see your face again.
I'd **** to hold your hand,
even if it's a sin.

There is no way to tell you,
how much my love has grown.
But I can promise you,
this love won't leave this home.

I'll never give what I gave,
to anyone but you.
I'll never love like I did,
when you loved me too.

I wish I could **** myself,
I just don't have the guts.
I'm afraid of pain so I avoid any form of self mutilation,
I just wish I had it in me to get over the pain and do it because the pain in my chest is so much worse than the pain I'd feel.
I don't hate,
I love everyone,
I love everything,
I just hate my life.
It's been 5 years since my first hospitalization,
they put me on medications,
told me I'd feel better.
It's been five years.
Nothing has changed.
I'm still living the same life,
with the same feelings,
with the same self hatred,
the same indescribable pain in my chest.
I'm just waiting for something,
anything,
a sign,
a glimmer of hope,
a reason to believe,
a reason to finally do it.
This isn't really a cry for help,
just another poem.

Sometimes I wonder,
what makes you tick?
What makes you feel?
And when will it click,
in your beautiful head,
that I loved you?

I've been faithful,
and I've been strong.
They say four months,
isn't that long,
but to me,
it felt like an eternity.

I sit and ponder,
now that you're gone,
what exactly happened,
what I did wrong,
to make you, of all people,
hate me.

I will sit here,
for the rest of my days,
till I find out what I did,
to push you away.
No matter how long it takes,
I will wait.

Broken will leaves me,
shattered on the floor.
I know I'll get back up,
but I can't take much more.

Eyes are grey and they,
can't help but water.
My legs quiver as I,
wonder why I bother.

My time here isn't long,
it's here and then it's gone,
so why do I keep fighting on.

For my mother,
for my father.
For my brother,
and my grandmother.

For my friends,
and for my family.
For my kids,
which I've yet to see.

For my dog,
and for my neighbors.
For all these people,
they are my saviors.

They keep this heart,
from stopping short.
They show my life,
has some worth.
They are my heroes.

I keep having dreams
that I'm swimming,
across vast murky pools
of my mud and blood and mystery,
swimming to hope
which I can see in the distance,
up in flames.
Worst part is,
I can't swim.

Quiet remains the room,
with paintings on the walls.
Silent is the tomb,
in which I lay in unrest.

Leave no stone unturned,
in search for sacrifice.
Live and die by word,
is to live a life of love.

No questions please, I'm a dancer,
some of the best questions,
go unanswered.

And so I will be,
what I am.
And so I will do,
all I can.

And so I will feed,
you by hand.
And so I will teach,
you to stand.

Delivered by love,
I will send you.

The painting on the wall,
reflect the simple songs,
we loved,
we shared.

The absence of the sound,
collected and compounded,
into one,
tightly wound bomb.

Did I expect for it to explode all to soon?
I can't explain how much it pains me to lose,
the one thing I loved.

I spend cold long nights up by the window,
watching and waiting for you to come home,
I won't sleep tonight,
or the next night,
or the next or the next or the next or the next,
or the next night.

But I'm fine,
I'm fine.

Don't waste your time,
looking back.

Sometimes I wonder,
how much longer I have left.
I want to know how many years,
so I can make them my best.
No one knows their timeline,
but I want mine.

But if I never find out,
how much longer I'm alive,
I guess that's okay with me,
it's better a surprise.
I'll take each day with a smile,
cause that's all I can do,
and so can you.

This fire's growing stronger,
the temperature's rising.
I'm burning alive,
there's hatred arising.

From the ashes of my charred heart,
comes a pain I cannot bear.
I'm screaming for help,
but no one seems to care.

I'm going to be honest,
I'm not okay.

There's a lover still alive in me,
a fighter, a friend.
But he's drowning in complexities,
and the tide's pulling him in.

This ocean is rising quickly,
I'm struggling to get free.
Every effort to escape fails,
as the water rushes over me.

I'm not okay.

I cannot climb this mountain,
it's taken all my hope.
The ***** is too slippery,
I can't do this alone.

I'm not okay.

I learned a foreign language
It lives within my soul
I learned a foreign language
It filled a bottomless hole

I learned a foreign language
Carved it on my heart
I learned a foreign language
It gave me a fresh start

I learned a foreign language
It’s light as a feather
I learned a foreign language
It’s strength keeps us together

I learned a foreign language
You can learn it too
I learned a foreign language
It’s inside all of you