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B Chapman Nov 2017
I gave up.
I no longer search,
seeking your approval,
acceptance,
or affection.

I sat bleeding,
panicked,
right before you.
You simply asked
if the blade was okay.
B Chapman Nov 2017
Abondonment is expected
Maybe even created
Self fullfiled prophecy or Destiny?

Exhausted from the rage
Incapable of withstanding this,
Your eternal storm.

Trapped as always
Bound to yet another villain
Growing crueler as I strengthen

I think I forgot how to cry
This well of sadness won't release
Maybe I'll simply disappear tonight
  Nov 2017 B Chapman
Breeze-Mist
"They're just normal guys"
You say it like an excuse
It's the main problem
B Chapman Nov 2017
You've lost me so many times,
always pleading and tearful,
pulling me back in
with promises of change and love,
promise you never kept.

Rage and deceit bleed in your veins.
Break me and ridicule when I crack.
Laugh and lay on me all blame,
ego tearing through,
ripping our fragile world apart.

Pride and greed stained with jealousy
drilling me deeper into the ground.
Weep as you play our Ressurection.
'I'm worthy of more,'
someone whispers in my head.

Yet if that was true,
wouldn't I have recieved it?
If I was worthy
wouldn't someone have shown it?
I'll always be the perfect victim.
  Nov 2017 B Chapman
tragedies
the most frustrating thing
when it comes to a writer
is when everything
every word, every letter,
isn't enough to give justice to
the captivating picture of you
in the afternoon:

soaked in sweat,
grinning foolishly,
striking up a conversation
about coffee,
and how unhealthy it is
for me to drink
three cups straight,
to stay awake,

yet the bittersweet taste
stains my lips.

it spills down my throat,
covers my lungs,
and drowns them
with the addicting aroma
of coffee beans
and lazy dreams,
until i cannot seem
to breathe,

and the only thing
i can ever do
is to spill ink
for you.
10.12.16
B Chapman Oct 2017
Martyr complexes running wild
My own fueling this escape
Ties are charred and crumbling
In their minds I am to blame.

Slave to the lender
Though owed so much
Is this strength
Or is it greed?

Weeping at their feet
Begging for love and acceptance
Invalidated and dismissed
I should have kept my distance.

I am not the Phoenix
Rising from the ashes
I am the flame
An unassuming figure of destruction.

Desperate for survival of spirit
Licking my wounded soul
Never enough to those I trust
Manipulations crease in the fold
B Chapman Oct 2017
Eight-
In a general store,
the middle of nowhere.
I stared at toys,
oblivious to the stranger too close.
A hand on my backside,
a rub and squeeze.
The cops huffed,
'are you sure it wasn't an accident?'
'Is it really that important?'
Suddenly I knew shame.

Twelve-
Last day of school,
cornered in an empty classroom
by my lifelong bully.
He tore my pink shirt,
grabbed me where Trump would have.
My father helped.
Did what he could.
Told me it wasn't my fault.
But the teacher,
a male who never liked my voice,
groaned in private,
'this will ruin that poor boys life.'
But what about me?

Sixteen-
A class full of people,
feeling pretty as a rare treat.
A boy with a knife
sitting too close,
hand inching up my thigh.
A malicious smile
with a dangerous whisper,
'spread your knees.'
I never told,
It had hardly mattered before.
But that's the last time
I wore a skirt to school.

Eighteen-
The officer taking my prints
made me cringe as he lingered.
His compliments made me shudder
but I told myself I was paranoid.
Leading me to a cell
he offered me a private room
leering as he mentioned
I wouldn't feel alone.
I almost laugh now
at his offer to pay me with juice.
But a year later at the hearing
his lude claims were loud enough
for everyone to hear.
A court room full of people
heard him brag about things
he never did.
Only one person shut him down
without even a word.
Simply a glare of digust
that I was too scared to give.
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