I will call you up drunk
Declaring my mistaken disposition
Pulling your skin between my lips
like a cheap cigarette
Igniting your spirit
Watching you dance in the smoke
But eventually throwing you out
Because even fire does not last forever
Though it may keep us warm for a short time
It will always burn out

I DRANK SO MUCH ALCOHOL I FORGOT WHERE I WAS BUT I COULDN'T FORGET WHERE I WANTED TO BE

They say I drink too much
Alcohol may burn the throat but it numbs a heart's bruise
Drinking to flood my sober blues
Lips and memories soaking in *****
They say I smoke too much
The burning in my throat begins to flame
Doing all I can to smoke away your name
Although my lips recite it all the same
They say I should slow down
Speeding past every caution light
Drowning in these drunken nights
Squeezing memories in the palm of my hand tight
They say I will get over him
But I have learned that every story sounds the same once you stop listening
Every memory sits in shot glass, glistening
Calling my name as if I were its revival
Patiently waiting for your arrival
And they keep telling me you are not coming  
But you must be
**I know that you must be

I often wonder if sleeping with the lights on will somehow curtail the darkness in this room
There's something about nightfall
Because when the sun is out, everything is fine and
I feel as if I can do anything
But once the sun sets and flaming orange fades to dark blue,
I lose myself
My pride slips out of my chest and shatters on the floor and
I am too fatigued to reach down and sweep it up
There is no antidote to sundown
There is only waiting for dawn

You have colored my skies dark and snatched away my sun I try to tell myself that I can paint back over this but mixing anything with black is just more black
I am out of white paint
My shelves are going dry, because you refuse to stop making art in the hollowness of my chest
Drawing borders that I wish you would cross
But you never do
Even when I am intoxicated
Drunk out of my right mind
On the very brink of alcohol poisoning
I feel your name start to boil in my mouth
And all I want to do is swallow you whole
Forget you ever signed your name on my tongue
But my gag reflex forces me to spit you out all over the bar
I will do my best to wipe it up
Apologizing to all of those who had to see such humiliation
I've come to realize however
That alcohol will always be much easier to swallow than the possibility that you once or still love me
Nothing else quite compares to the claws that slide down my throat when I try to drink a shot of your sweet toxin
There is nothing that quite correlates to that amount of agony
So if tonight, I end up calling you, know that I am sorry
I apologize in advance to the mumbled words and empty laughter
Know that I only did it, to ask for the white paint
That you stole from me

when i think of you, my brain fills with white noise
like the muffled static on a TV screen, you were always something
that filled the void, that kept the emptiness occupied
but you're gone and i'm left here wringing my hands together
when the chorus of your favorite song comes on the radio, and
i cannot breathe, i cannot breathe, i cannot breathe
with all of these words draped around my neck,
with the weight of a thousand sharp memories that
still sting despite the thousands of times i've tried to demolish them

i used to dance endlessly to the beat of your heart,
but a music box can only wind so much, and now
i'm stuck listening to the same silent scream of
i want you, i want you, i want you,
i'm still addicted to every part of that familiar old voice
though i swore i was finally clean

every day that passes feels like the last page ripped out
of my favorite book, not even worth reading anymore
because i wouldn't want to waste my time reading a story
that ends without you by my side

if i pour myself into someone else's glass what happens when they leave me there with my own condensation dropping into small puddles. everything has been poured out of me and i'm in the middle of the desert looking for a raindrop in the sand dunes. i forgot what it's like not to just depend on myself for everything i've ever needed and i feel so ******* abandoned i'll blame everything on you and wonder why you left me out in the ocean when you know i'm afraid of the ******* waves. i just want your riptide in my perimeter so you can pull me so close i'll go under and drown because that's so much better than being alone in this ******* town. i'll miss you so much i'll forget how to breathe and how to sleep and everyone keeps asking what the **** is wrong with me. i keep searching for bits and pieces of you in random places but my favorite place to search is the bottom of the shot glass and i keep looking in the same ******* place as if i'll find you there. i never ******* find you there and by the end of the night glass is on the floor and there's throw up in my hair.
-

I like to think of people as a greenhouse
We are only a short moment in history
We can be radiant and beautiful
We can diffuse bliss and contentment
We can show the world that there is more to it
Some of us are short-lived gardens
We forget to water ourselves
Forget that we need sunshine to live
We forget that most on our rainy days
When clouds swarm our four walls
And the light of day does not touch us like it used to
Our flowers droop, fall, and die
We are only plants that require attention
Living objects that some pick up and some only marvel at
We are unique and earmarked
We are not the same
But each of us are fascinating in our own way
Do not forget to take care of yourself
You have so much more to yourself
Than the desolation you feel