I met you in the first moments of the last year of my life.
I've come beyond my worst pretense of fear inherent strife.


I've been waiting for fifteen, for the past nine years
Passed berating what I'd seen til at last conscience clears.

Along the way
Some steps I've missed
Still long to say
No, I insist
I'm wrong, but they
Consider this
First stone to pay
Rehearsed interest

I can wait.

Since I lost account for it,
Leaving just a base line to keep track
Of that which spits without a face
Is a hypocrite that leaves us with no prints
Relieves a chance for chase,

So I can wait.

i stand here, still.
my will is low.

in my hand the pill i
know can **** me,
i keep taking it until i
stop, with nowhere
else to go.

and so i stand here still
beneath the willow.

Lacking ample reason, I set you on a pedestal carved out of stone.

And I said, I'll be back in a season, I'm not really gone,

I just fed what starved us; the black of the night of doubt while alone.

only one thing is certain to come to fruition
Which is claiming that you have it disproves your intuition

We wanted to become better people
So we became better criminals.

I wasn't waiting here
You found me where I come to, strange
To behave as if by locating
Me at home, it warrants change
Expectations of accommodations
Making room and rearranging

I always know I'm lonely
as is now.
I care none for arguing nostalgia is but a phantom;
I candidly hint generous,
retrospective tint arose
but born in hues of solitude
by thorns to dues that use what we lose to Make most of the points we include.

finally i found
how much ground
turned quickly to sand
falling asleep in atyland
and i woke up
we broke the cup
pours out my skull
what was half full

I remember warm waves of content
Washing over with feeling, now I belong.
Until tide drawing back, you wonder where I went
Sloshing  over revealing it all was wrong

Was built upon good faith, foundation benefit of doubt
Although uncertain, leaning, favoring the untread route.
Impossibility! shout the jaded to the wall
to dulled reverberance , stability hushes each call.

But what window once met face to see far reaches of what may,
That pane you e'er panel, each nail hammered by what you say
til it's yourself left to talk to in the dark away from day
will you wonder how much longer with yourself you have to stay?
can you see in all that darkness what a coward you portray?

I wish deceit your venom elicited even apathy,
if not warranted repulsion of regard of you set free
but what thrashed to disbelief lurches into - for you i grieve
i'd never **** the worst to from yourself you'll never leave.

Often I bear loss
where time and presence cross.

Like briefcases in Bond, but the entire alphabet...
distraction catch me (if I'm blessed)
from mismatch in perception (messed);

it is this or nothing.

I woke up, I cannot find the earth.
So I spoke up, just to remind myself
I am, I am, I am
still worth a ****.
I choke up but I am.

Where is the earth,
I ache for the soil
which caught me from birth
I take for granted that I was granted the spoil.
Is it genuine if it was not a choice, am I loyal?
Has it been a gift to get a thought and voice,
or do I sit
where I get  hit
because my spot
is one that taught
my father that none
get done,
that to win is hardly ever to have won.
To begin to disregard is to sever from what you’d begun.
You've been a coward too clever to run.
Are you empowered that you never were a son?
Instead devoured forever a family by the web a liar spun?

Struggle is real

I've never been any good
At asking for what I need
I'd rather be the only hunger
I don’t know how to feed
And if I could, maybe I should
I wouldn't pause to bleed
Upon your tide recede
The only motive something of greed

Barreling double loaded to disaster
to reach the same conclusion, only faster

Eventually you may see what you politely termed, 'ambition'
might by others be conceptualized, 'condition'

I can't count
the times I lost
track on the track
in the times
I can't count on you

I lose track of the times I can't count on you.

We drove north into the night with  bellowing  winds gnashing at our backs.
When we came to an intersection he kept north.
Into the yawning

I will not allow anyone to come close
Entirely based on fear.

The constraints of my perception
Knowing life by only one, my  context.

I have to assume the things which I fear for myself, broadly incite similar demons within others.

I know this is flawed, but oh my dear God, I could never take the risk. I'd rather die than push anyone into entropy. Of apathy.

If you killed yourself, I don't know what  I'd do.
And it may come across as irrational, but rest assured I've thought it through.
I've come to see nobody else can save me.
And to bring you as witness, you facing me bravely-
Til the eyes grow tired of what you once admired,
But I don't know how,  but I know you can't fix
This great mes, arriving djrectly contradicts
I love you but I will not hold you down
With your head beneath my water til you drown.

We agreed on Iceland
far enough from each of us
between the distance spanned
only so much expected, with bounds to what could be planned
in the hope to warm what had lone cold
to loan eachother 'nother scope before late we groan, old
i withstand alright, grown old
disbanded bright, a lonely hold
go to the sun to the sun to the sun
the days noon night dark spun to gold
i withstand alright, how bold
with bright eye stand ignite heart sole
and burn
and burn
spun spin turn
win one will learn
and burn
and burn
and burn

If I go first
But do my worst
There's not much bubble to burst
This path of rubble gets dispersed
So back we double in reverse
I could swear he said he's cursed
Life's not fair, we eat our thirst
A swaying stair, failure conversed
If I swear, ******* I'm cursed

Whatever it is,
at the most is a phase
What immovable present
when is posted a maze
What arrested this instant
as we blink by the days,
That which cannot afford
is that for which repays.

Picking myself up and off the floor
picking myself up to pick off more
to pick out the sick among sore rhetoric
leaves me torn wondering, what for?

My eyes
as emotions of joy crown
I feel my lids weigh heavy down
to steal living from ---

I am hallucinating my bathtub
I miss sam august, and prompts, everyone.

Just hallucinated my parents house.

Where at this moment am i.

There are           bare,
And threadless where
came back
to
claim you       gave
the
same attack,  
new
shame              behave
as if by
name
                cheap means
                      to save
we the
blaming  
                keep   clean
because we're brave.

Going out to get used
May be better than getting no use at all

I cannot make light
Of it - is gone
In dark, grey is white
We've over drawn
Clumsily while night
Dies in the dawn
Sinking in the bite
Beneath a yawn
Responsive invite
That came out wrong

Windowless laughter
The ringing, gone
From a retreating
Right moved along

Concerted after
clinging so strong
Drums a repeating
yes, you belong

I cannot make light
Of it - is gone
I cannot make light
Of it - is gone
I chose not to fight
Knight with a pawn
Rope burns, lost the kite
Dug heels in lawn
Damning line too tight
To walk upon

I cannot make light
Of it - is gone
Verse whispered recite
replaces brawn
Determined polite
close liaison
I cannot make light

      Of it - is gone

For everything you cannot pick.

For everything you fail

You fail. You pick.
for everything you don't, you're sick.
ugly ******* monster.
Whose own rhetoric haunts her.
to stand here, still, it taunts her

i staND here, still.
I stand, here, still.
I stand. Here. Still.
I stand hear still
              Hears til

Taking flight from the night
to be light feels right.

You stare back with no fear
overcome, I'd **** to disappear

They say that all will heal with time
And perhaps this is the truth
For those who fear heights at some point decline to climb
But passing suns just smear what past to youth

Me too, I said, I'm well
biting back tears before they fell
or my voice dropped, no one hears
Im dead. Writing from hell.