I still remember how I felt laying on my mothers' bed
eating a whole gallon of blue bell vanilla
crying into it, remembering all the times I'd been afraid
and tired, and 3 in the morning on the couch
searching for something on my hand, a scratch
on the phone on a bridge, playing with a stick
while you said, "little do they know", calling myself
a ******, feeling my heart bloom in my chest,
a little girl rode by and asked if I was talking to my boyfriend
no, I said, I love you, I said, on the phone and you
saw me the next morning and I still remember
the dull lightning in your eyes that flashed bronze
I am grateful, I am grateful for you
and the raw smell of a sneeze while it rained and I tried
to forget the spikes and sparks I felt when I saw you
how they smoothed before me when I held you,
when I ran and I screamed because I thought a certain
amount of air in my lungs held traces of you
and if I just shouted loud enough I could expel you,
there would be nothing left, and as my feet tumbled down
the hill and my body exhilarated with my best of friends
I still could not forget that my eyes would never see you again
I still cannot forget that my eyes will never see you again.

My Kingdom come,
My will be ******* done.

I'm sick of all the lies,
I'm through with the *******.
We're all just mayflies,
Spawning into our grit.
I sought you in my dark age,
But what I found was abandonment.
Now I've been left with hate and rage,
Now within my thoughts, you're ancient.
Your ******* dead to me.
You abandoned me.
You destroyed me.
But *******,
I still don't need you.
I'll crush your kingdom,
Burn it to the god ****** ground,
I'll rebuild it all and spit in your face.

we became so accustomed
with dying
that living
no longer came naturally.

perhaps
we only love
for a few hours of our lives.
(perhaps that is
more than enough.)

They told me I'm responsible
and I should act "this way"
to get out of hell
and all my debts repay

All the tears and self reproach
all the stars I cannot reach
never comes close
no matter what I preach

When I sing and do my thing
quantifying my belief
free of shoulds and dogma too
then are moments of relief

I am here to write these simple words
to let you know I've tried.
But your daughter who cut her wrists so deep is broken now she died
Blood kept slipping out as she wanted to slip free
But don't worry now I have the answer
To why she fought to be free
She said her basterd father and wore mother
Made her feel like ****
She stade  up one night and lost her fight
with a smile  on her face
She cut her wrists in painful bliss
I  am the doctrine that she wrote to her friend and family
She told me to let you know
She hopes you rot and die
You tuck away her smile
and broke her shattered heart
so go to hell and I would say I wish you well
but that would be a lie