I wonder why you're not used to me yet.
It's not like I ever really change, I merely evolve--get worse , like most catastrophes.
Remember that time you joked about comparing me and the Cold War?
That never really left my mind. Not that it tainted anything worth keeping clean.
I am a war. That's something you got right. But I am not a war against anyone else.
I am a war I wage against myself.
A weak tornado, a broken tsunami, a civil war of sorts that none will ever win.
No one will ever win. But I will always lose.
It is a fate I have come to accept in the past few years I've had to deal with broken bones and torn tendons.
None of these is really new.
I wonder why I'm not used to it yet.

It's so easy..
To find
Those beautiful eyes,
To love
That flawless skin,
To hold
That gentle hand,
To look
At her beauty.

It's so easy..
To prepare
Colorful flowers,
To write
Little notes,
To sing
Romantic songs,
To cherish,
Sweet moments.

Like in a room
Full of flowers
Smelling like
Heaven.
You prance around
Admiring the
beauty. The flowers
Are more than
What you can
Ask for.

But that heaven is temporary.

Those flowers will
Wilt.
Those stems
Will crumble
And petals
Will fall.
The leaves
Will be dead
Like there was nothing
At all.

It's so easy..
To find
Another soul,
To love
Another feature.
To hold
A different moment
To look
At the present.

It's so easy..
To prepare
For the future,
To write
To another,
To sing
A different note
To cherish
The present joy.

It's so easy
to fall in-love..
But not so easy
to *stay.

Here is where I take your smile and
stretch it into a sunset, I
remember your words to mean
everything they didn't
I make haikus out of eyes and note how
they emit light when you laugh
This is where I draw you indelible
on the pages of a notebook
I color you vivid, write you
permanent, take non-fiction and
turn it fantasy,
Into something we might watch
together on a Sunday night
I designate you hero of the story and
I wait with tired arms
to be lifted into yours
Here is where I create a landscape
out of ash and worship you with
language you don't deserve,
vocabulary that is too big for your small
Here is what could easily be a love poem if
you were someone who wanted one but
the only want you have isn't for me

I wish you’d kiss away my tears
Wish you’d open my lips
The way you have
Every intricate part of me
And steal your name
Right off my lips
Right out of my mouth
Until all thats left of me
Is this drunken desire
To drink to forget
Your
Name

Your unpursed lips
Slam against mine
Flattening them
Holding them still
While the rest of us
Moves too fast
I breathe in your scent
Of nicotine and Jack
Quickly
When your strong hands
Suddenly pull
My jeans down my thighs
My own hands drag your sweatshirt
Over your head
And your hands are the only thing covering me
Everywhere
At once
With motions I'm unaware of
You guide me to
The pristine white comforter
Thrown on when I heard your knock
You toss it back
Revealing the mess underneath
And without a second thought
You dive right in
Pulling me with you

I had no idea
What I was getting into

And I'm still sleeping in the same sheets
Unclean
From our sleepless night
The used comforter
Crumpled up
At the end of the bed
Mirroring the curled up corpse
Of what you have left of me

I've got chump change
in my bank account

and bad vibes brooding
in my brain

I'm somewhere in between
average and clinically insane

but when you look at
me like that I shiver and I shake

my heart my soul
my blood my bones are all
laid bare for you to break