You can call me
Pretentious
With my fancy words and
My endless rants
About
These beautiful words, worlds and
Fantasy lives.

I talk about being alive in
The lilt of those words the
Curve of my tongue rolling off every
Lush little letter I talk
About poetry and magic and
An exasperating universe.
And god! I'm breathless

With the chaos of this beauty
And the beauty of this chaos.
And god every deep
Breath is another burst
Of magic and every new word
Settles into the depths of my
Soul.

****, I try to be humble but
Everything in me sways
And sashays
To the rhythm of these words
And its song entwined with the
Melody of my heart, I dance
And I jump and hum with all this joy.

Never pretentious.
Always alive.

I am free
or supposed to be
Each new sentence you sprout
Has another bar coming down
I walk into invisible walls
I wasn't claustrophobic before this
Now the air feels like cement in my lungs
A step forward is a step out of line
Anything you don't want to hear is wrong
I am a porcelain doll
Unheard
A pawn in my own life
You play out your ambitions through
When did I become so weak?
When did I give up?

The horizon
A fog dusted oblivion
And you
All alone

Shades of red shinning through the curtains,
  bouncing off the walls.

Red, red, red dripping down the warm skin,
  stealing all the life.

Red in the morning, the middle of the night,
  creeping down your neck with a knife in the back.

Red in the dark and red in the light,
  red on your breath and red in your bed.

Take a brush, paint it red,
  your whole world is red!

I could wish you a well full of pennies
And for every scar you've left behind
You can pull out a penny
And shove it down your throat
Or better yet
Drag it across the cold, hard walls around your heart
Like you dug your nails into the flimsy walls of mine
Till I bled you a river
I remember the dark red liquid in your elegant crystal chalice
It might as well have been my blood
You might as well have ****** me dry
I might as well have died there and then.

Or better yet, slain you.

Your hands feel like forest fires
Erupting on my skin
Each graze
A new scar
I will take
To the shallow grave of my heart

I am bad at falling in love
I trip over the broken bones of every word I never found the guts to say
I am broken more often than I am whole and even then I am still broken
I write dreams and fantasies at the back of my hand
I misspell the word trust on a daily basis
I dance with my own shadow when dusk settles down
I whisper truths only when the lights go out
I make sure I'm alone in already empty rooms
I hold my breath and scribble notes, scrambling to survive

And ten years from now when my daughter comes up to ask me I'll say
Don't ask me about Hiroshima, or Nagasaki, or the ten thousand other wars
Led more by human emotions running amuck than
By mankinds infinite need to be superior.

And there were rivers of blood and tears
Because mothers sitting in puddles of blood holding onto parts of their children
Because they felt incomplete
Because there weren't enough parts left behind
By the wreckage of the explosion that was meant to **** all of them
Yet ended up saving half of them and honey, don't get me wrong,
But the ones who were killed were the ones who were saved.

All that was left behind was flesh strewn all over the place
In an unidentifiable mess of who's -who
And silhouettes of men, women and children in a radius that numbers could never account for
Because honey, the affected weren't limited to the bounds of the city meant to be destroyed.

And generations later,
You can still see the scars and the ghosts they will never forget
And will hold onto like those carbon silhouettes
So don't ask me about Hiroshima, or Nagasaki or that endless stream of wars
Because honey, in a world where children are taught the word war before peace
I don't want to you to know that when I say humanity has no bounds
It goes both ways.

We are drowning ships
crashing planes
falling skies

We are tragedies that never got
written
in ink
but blood

We are disasters they forgot
to record
or observe
or announce
or save
or help

We are train wrecks that needed saving
Instead you covered your eyes
Shielded your children
Dumped the wreckage into landfills
That are eating away at our plant

Ours

This world, it is ours
Yours and mine
It is not a kingdom that is your
birthright to take
to force yourself on
your rules
your mistakes
your judgement
your hearts

We are people
Collapsible
Collapsing
At every turn
every word
every day
every breath

We are still people
still alive
still able
still fighting
breathing
belonging to a world that has never accepted us
made space for us
let us belong

But we are belonging