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ardnaxela Jun 2018
I tripped along the railroad tracks
trying to escape from your trespasses of my trust;
trotting t'wards that treasure I hid
on a trail beyond those trees there.
Triggered by treachery, the truth in these tribulations
trialed and errored and transformed..
Tricky triumph, trifle *****.
I tripped along the railroad tracks.
sometimes love makes us clumsy.
ardnaxela Jun 2018
Pretty, pretty

Blue Bird.
I'll bet you no one's heard

that lovely song you like to sing
when you think no one's
listening.

Listen, Listen!

Angels here.
The silent winds drew near..

I'd wished they set your music free
forever to drift
back to me.
when I saw the beauty in your sadness.
ardnaxela Jun 2018
You want me to
write my heart out on my sleeve,
then pull the thread,
unravel it,
patch it up,
then again,
then cut that arm off
and burn it.

Shovel my thoughts
into tidy piles,
then spill the milk
and muddle them up
then sop 'em up and
mop 'em up
'til I'm left with blurred lines.

Stuff my feelings in a jar,
toss them with ingredients
that don't mix
rollie pollie
with a dab of Ranch
and it's all ****** up.

Y'all want the key
to my mind -  
an old closet that leads to
a tunnel that leads to
the grave of my buried thoughts.

I opened the door
and I was pushed from behind
then told to "lead the way".
To "find the truth
in all your ways" -
one arm out
reaching in the dark;
a ******* a mission,
searching for her heart...

I fell in a hole.
Ashes to ashes,
dust to dust.
It started to rain,
I was surrounded by mud.
The door closed.
Which one of you all
care to open it again?
3-25-18, 10:35 pm
ardnaxela May 2018
Yesterday
I thought about you.

    I remembered how excited you were
to see me; I remembered
    how happy you were
to see me those years before.
   Life's a little different now
but, that doesn't stop you -
    from reaching out,
letting me know that
    you're still there
and I feel your touch, I swear I do
    even when I know you're not there.
Right now, I'm afraid I'm all alone.
    It feels so different here.
Sometimes it hurts, sometimes too much
    without you being here.

Today
I miss you.
5/20/18 12:37pm
ardnaxela May 2018
you don't love me
yet
but i know how to make you
i'll hold the hand
used to wipe your ****
watch me
turn mine to tissue.
ta-da!


bet you want me now baby.
ardnaxela May 2018
5/16/18 2:50 am

Why'd you leave me all alone when
you knew I needed help?
At least stay and lend a hand with
all these cards I've been dealt;

You know I can't shuffle.

How can you ask if I'm alright when
you know the lie before it leaves my lips,
and you still ******* believe it then
blow my steam off with a kiss

Like that's supposed to sweeten the trouble.

You say you're there for me and
you are, if only just for show....
With my emotions you get it wrong
You actually listen when I tell you no.
I don't want you here. I don't want you near -

You go right with it then.

How'd you leave me crying in the doorway
knowing I'd only shut myself in?
My depression is my guilty pleasure
How could you condone my sin?
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