phantom ghosts
trail skin
tears fall
blackness seeps in
he wonders how to prolong this fun
she wonders how she'll ever move on

I wanted to write
write the world for you
my words could be shields
or maybe just blankets
enveloping you into warmth

they can taunt you
beg you to live to your potential
because they know
and I know
you deserve the world and all the cordial
words that enter your mind

So
when you close your eyes
and you see those words
feel them with every intake of air
your lungs can muster,

I hope
all you can think about

is me

will you allow those salty waterfalls to havoc your face?
will you allow bullets to strike within?

I know a boy
who never allowed a thing
to navigate his soul

on a summer evening
with not a voice to burrow in his thoughts

the tears
the heart
became to much
like a broken road
he was bound to hit a bump

lost control
oblivious to everything around
I wished he could have been found
long ago

My brother told me
you would have not let any of it happen
you would stand tall
guard my every step

its the middle of may
just another month
we embark the day
you lost your way

when i close my eyes
all i see is darkness
i can no longer
make out your face

your voice
was it rough
or was it soft
on the ears

I don't know
and I don't know if you would stand up for me
why
because
I cant even
remember the way you held my shaky hands

i can compare his absence to anything
but the fact of the matter is he is gone
he's dead
my father is dead
and everything i do
the amount of times I try to explore the world
A new crack shatters my skin
I was never prepared to move on
so
your judgmental eyes
lips moving fast

don't you understand
I'll never be able to match your stride
I'll never move on

I wish you could understand

a cool breeze
miles of sand to herself
why would she ask
to be not alone
people, things, crowded her

like unnecessary clothes worn in the peak of summer
she was already hot
itching to shed her skin
but she knew
beneath everything
an ugly her existed

and if they saw

the skin she built would not shine
no
not anymore
she couldn't risk losing
everything she knew

am I trash to you?
because at 3 am when the moon is at its highest peak
the white noise is breaking down my walls
my throat is raw
screams shatter the pillow, beneath my tear stained cheeks

I wonder
what it would be like to be with you
to hear your unsure words
see those crystal eyes meet mine

but it's 3 am
and I'm alone
And I know the answer

in the silence
our thoughts are the loudest
they're the creaks of the floorboards
letting us know
we are not alone
whether the voices are good or bad
the silence really will never invade our minds

they always say someone is out there
your hero
the savior of your nightmares
but what if
no one is out there
what if they got it all wrong
what if
i have to be strong
because I'm the only one

I told my brother on the first of May
if the tidal waves swallow me whole
if the bags beneath my eyes darken
my weaknesses start to show
don't let my past grow

I said don't you understand
the flower can only flourish for so long
until its time
to be
eternally gone

a week later my brother wrapped his arms around my bare back
he told me
even beyond the time
my heart beats
and my thoughts flow
I will love you
*your spirit will always grow

Dear Dad,
...

Dear Father,
...

I've tried so many ways to say this
so many sentences
details to add
details to delete

i never seem to get it right
I will never be satisfied

I think I found my answer
they speak of hands embracing
sparks flowing from finger tip to finger tip

and that's just it
I can't even get satisfaction over a letter

why

because you will never read it
that's why I can't find the right words to say
because there's just to many words
that will flow
without any meaning

and I just can't let that happen

All i wonder at night
is how to rid the sight of you
when all i want to do
is close my eyes

she sat underneath the great oak tree
she felt nothing
she heard nothing
beside her bruised knees
lay a dandelion
ripped from its roots
well maybe it was already on its way out
but she thought
what a shame
because it screamed for help
oh she could hear it
and oh
she could feel
the desperation the anger the terror
oh she felt

she blinked her eyes
the dandelion was gone
but she could still feel
and she could still hear
then she realized
there was never a dandelion

she heard
and she felt
her own pain, anger, terror

it was her all along

Love is the air in an elevator with no limits.

to the mother who was my shield
the grass beneath my feet
through the rain and sleet
when all I could think about was letting go

to the mother who watched from the sidelines
you knew when to let me go
when I was at balance
and ready to compete

to the mother tucked in the overwhelming sheets
frail and small
the wires that measure your heart beat
now I watch
I smile

I've finally learned how to let go
I've finally learned when to let go
When you're gone
I think
I'll be okay

there's something special about the sound of rain
slapping the concrete
sliding down the glass windows

each and every drop
comes to an end
nestled in the stems of grass
or snuggled beside a rough rock
their journey
thru the ups and downs
come together

and what more could be beautiful
then finding the end
not alone

maybe you can't handle the tidal waves after all
even in the darkest depths of my despair
your feet don't stay grounded
and that's all i ever needed

For some time
it occurred to me
I was better off
mute than loud

the words I spoke
always lost in the happy glow
the strength I attained
never seemed to shine
like their faces
spending time with their friends

at 3am
the light will distort your vision
I just want you to know
I wont ever let anyone in
cuz I cant accept myself
for who I really am

I know under the bright sun
friends in tow
glances back and forth
i look crystal clear
you have me figured me out
don't you?

you're wrong
I am crystal clear
but
what you don't see
is the miniscule cracks lining my skin
you don't see the terror
inside of me
slipping through

I want you to know now
before
its too late
cuz I am me
and I'm cracking
you don't want to love
someone
like
me

they heard voices
i wondered
i heard voices too
but then I realized
the voice was only my own
I had let this hate eat my flesh
tear my veins
swelled my heart till it was too large to
feel warmth again

i wasn't a monster
no I was me
the girl
with the nervous hands
timid voice
nothing changed
only the depths of my dreams

and the catch was
no one
in my view of sight
wanted to be my hook
leap in
be my warrior

and tonight
with my inner voice
telling me things
embarking them in my brain
I know
everything is uncertain
tomorrow
I can only dream

so young
so unsure
he was confined to the seat with great big wheels

so naive
so loud
she was lost in the pitch dark world

both trapped
searching, grasping, trusting
for a cure

In the beginning
on the dew covered grass
with the stars laughing in the sky
her arms found mine
everything was unintentional, as if it was the greatest surprise
us, her, I

In the middle
on the silky sand dunes
with the sun dancing in the sky
the space between her and I, expanded
everything was fast, as if on a planned schedule
us, her, I

At the end
on the flannel sheets
with the fan spinning on the ceiling
the air we breathed, touched, was separated by a glass window
everything was moping, as if heavily medicated

and this time
it was just her
no more us
no more "I"

they say the ghosts lived in her eyes
i don't think that's true
I think her eyes will always shine
maybe not in the light
but at 3 am
all alone
when only nightmares occupy her mind
her eyes will shine
she will feel
and
one day you might just catch a glimpse
and know shes alive
for real

i try to be what you want
no more wasting time
oh i have to study, study, study
but i sit
and all that happens
are the screws in my head grate together
eventually slipping from there locked position
they fall
as do my restraints
all i do is think
honey bees and summer smiles
my bed wrapped in my comforter
only if that was all my life granted me

instead I'm stuck wasting time
writing poetry
instead of writing essays
which will decide where I deserve to be

im tired of trying
im tired of being okay in your eyes
the terror
the screaming agony
they're going to come out
darling, i hope your ready
for you're gonna meet
me
for who i really am

why do i want to hide
when its always been in my eyes
for        
you
and
your
light
touches
to
see

i destroy myself
before you get the chance
because the pain i give myself
could never hurt
as much
as your gentle touches
smile wide

you see me at my time of weak
your warm eyes question mine
i feel the pain
pounding my outer wall
till its all gone

i wish you didn't make me feel this
way
every time your presence greets mine

if  only you understood
how inferior i really am

On the day his eyes sealed shut
A paradise
fell
golden embers rose
rich carpet was destroyed to smithereens
glass shards ricocheted
flames were all they could see
until
morning dew sprinkled the grass
stars hid in there beds
silence brought havoc to their minds
Reality seeped in
he would never be seen again

was it a dream or was it real
did your fingertips trail mine
were you happy with me
cuz now all i see is anger in your face
your muscles tense
shoulders shield your neck
i never wanted to hurt you
somewhere on the border line
that's all i ended up doing

you're the reason
i question myself
before you
everything i saw
blazed before my eyes
now overcast
i wonder
what did i do to deserve this change
everything i heard
strong voices all around
now muffled, isolated to my brain
i wonder
what can i do to make these voices end
sand reaches the bottom of the time capsule
i hate myself
and I know
you're the reason i feel this way

i never seem to get it right
to much rhythm or too much rhyme
it doesn't matter
cuz no one can relate
i question why i try
but then i remind myself
what better would i do
if the words were thawed from my soul
never to be found again
would I be any happier
then before I sat down to
construct this stupid work of art?

i skim over each line my shaky hands form
each letter so distinguished from the last
i like to see what i create
but with you
your eyes meet mine
you've read each thought I had
i wonder do you understand
and then the room is silent
everyone is gone
your ready to leave
each twitch of the finger
i know you want to go
but you stay
and all you create is a enigma in my mind
each passing of the sunset clock
i watch the crevices in your gentle silhouette
and wonder
what it would take for your soul to truly meet mine

to the guy who stole everything
for quite some time I watched the people
the places around me
always was I quick to hide
but now
I'm learning how to drive
apply pressure to the gas
leaves everything behind
press lightly on the brake
so you don't crash into the boulder blocking the path
hold on tight to the steering wheel
you don't want what you have to disappear

to the guy who stole my everything
i guess you never learned how to drive
or maybe somewhere along the way
you let your hands leave the steering wheel
or maybe your foot slipped off the brakes

to the guy who stole my everything
i hope by the end
maybe just maybe
you'll remember the day you were taught to drive

it was pitch black
i was young and small
perched on your lap
your rough hands trailing mine
i was safe
you set me down
told me you would never abandon me

it was bright
i was confused and sullen
on the coarse cobblestone I sat alone
rays of light skimmed my flesh
i was a fish far from the sea
lying down i remembered your gentle words
your soothing eyes

how the time escaped us
how the unexpected broke our promise
how I wish i was in your embrace

but I can't do nothing
but see your face
your hands
your eyes
your lips
all behind the eyelids at my weakest time

I've been to tired to speak
whats the sense
when all you do is judge me
I've been to tired to meet your cerulean eyes
for one look
and I'll be wishing you wanted me
I've been to tired to follow you
your musky scent so strong
but it's all wrong
you'll only leave me with grief

i thought i knew
for the depths of solitude i traveled
sharpened my eyes
trapped my heart
tainted my very spirit
but now I see you
crimson red
fiery hot touch
there may as well be horns sprouting from your head
oh
your the animosity I wish I never had

In class we talked about writing poetry
poets are outstanding
they connect two separate things
use similes and metaphors
think everywhere
and than within
skill, talent, expertise are needed
my heart skipped a beat
are my poems a mockery?
but then I read those cries for help written in the dark at 3 am
I realized
poetry can only come from the mind
and most importantly
a juvenile one like mine

what more to the world is there then tear stained cheeks and crumpled papers with words no one dares to speak?

She lost the tattered paper
the same way she lost herself
dropped and forgotten
friends disappear
out in the open
world watches her solitude
ready to be stepped on
strangers laugh at her whimpers
rain dances upon the sheet
silence suffocates
all alone
*all alone

you said i was amazing
was I
like the first breath a baby takes
like the first snowflake to fall
like the butterfly that breaks out of its cocoon
or was I
an illusion
a dream
you wished
to have

Your talking
but I cant hear you
those coral lips move up an down
but my eyes can't focus
Your hands meet mine
but I can't touch you
why
your an equation that doesn't factor
or
maybe I  just can't figure you out

I still don't understand
I'm not what you wanted
I told you from the start
You shook your head
Your such a sweetheart
There eyes trail you like an invisible force
They want you
But
oh for some reason
all your love is for me

why should I give you everything
my hate
my love
my respect
you should know I won't ever forget
your lies
your mistakes
your hurt
if only you knew the emotional drain you've put me through

My greatest fear is not of those who are living
there words
there stares
there actions
there thoughts
will never scare me as much as you
i don't know how your voice sounds
i don't know how your hand feels in mine
I don't know what you think of me
and that's the scariest of them all
will you want me when we meet again

All** I have left (are)
(the ) words your voice gave

The tears come
But you don't return
My lungs waver
But you don't reassure me
My vision blurs and the world seems to fade
But your hands are not in mine
I chant
your not coming back
why can't (I ) move on

All I have left (are)
the words your voice gave

I told her to map her problems
because i would travel the world to fix them
It was true
I couldn't stand the pain she was facing

I found her on an Island
the silence was deafening
she was alone an frightened,

I found her in the city
the bright lights blurred everything
She was clutching her chest
she was all alone an frightened,

I found her on the shores
the sea was screaming for help
she was  shaking
she was clutching her chest
she was all alone an frightened,

I bundled her up. I held her tight. I told her to close her eyes.
Everything will be alright

So, I took her home.

Her jade irises were so limited
you watched them
memorized  the way they sparkled in the light
you knew back than you would have to catch them
before
they
disappear

but you let them disappear

it never occurred to you
that all
your dry remarks
were simply unjust
in the end you had it all wrong

She spoke in a tone that was jagged to the ears of the many that stood beside her.

A weak pen with little to no ink, that's all she is.

It would hit a knick and it would fail to glide seamlessly across the paper, but nonetheless it would endeavor the battle to write.

And she would do the same.

Her eyes scurried over the many faces watching her.

This was her time to speak.

She knew in a few minutes time the crowd would no longer acknowledge her, and there feet would grow tired, and there minds would be filled with the future.

And so she continued.

The paper was already waiting; all she needed to do was try.