He uses a paintbrush
She uses a pen
He styles with color
She styles with her name
Both so alike, yet so different

He stands tall
She is weak at the knees
He shows his work with a proud smile
She hides her work with tears running down her cheeks

By the end of the day projects are done
Hands are tired
minds are numb
One awaits a new day
the other wishes for the end to come

They forgot I have a soul
They got lost in there mean words and judgmental stares
Beneath my skin

I am me
I have thoughts and tragedies
Why can't they see?

Did you know you can suffer for years and never realize?
You're sitting on the cobblestone sidewalk when it hits you
the impact of a flying tennis ball as it hits the racket
the tires scraping across the rocky driveway
but this
it burns, pains, scrapes all in one
the tears come so mellow at first
and suddenly the snap of fingers
the tears wreck you
you can't breathe
to make it worse the monster comes
rage
How could you ever believe everything was ok
All you have left is endless questions
most importantly
why now?

They say she's
bright smiles
always handing in her work on time
quick to be a guiding hand
she says
these are all lies
for she has something so great
green eyes
sharp teeth
scaly skin
fighting a battle in her mind
and she's on the losing side

My voice stopped working
My stomach was in knots
My mind was unsure
Should I breathe or should I die?
The doctors talked to me
They thought there words would change my mind
They had me draw and color
I just wasted there time
You were gone, I never could move on

Do you think I'm smart
I carry a pen and novel around
but do you really trust me
Do you think I'm pretty
luscious blond locks of hair curl around my face
but do you really believe what you see
Do you think I'm nice
I don't hesitate to give you my notes
but do you really understand why

I like to write
Bottling up your emotions
is like holding poison in your throat
you can only hold on for so long
till
the liquid passes
you lose control
Do you ever wonder what the emotions you store inside do?
Are they tearing flesh to flesh
or are they cleaning every ounce of your regret
I bet if you swallow poison you'll finally get
why I let you read the things I write

Its so daunting
To have eyes lock on your own
Your natural color,
your natural being
shown under bright lights
Some stars shine
others seem to fade
Some enlarge
others shrink
When the light is cast downward
Do you shine or do you shrink?

Where are you Madeleine?
Fiery red eyes
Giant torso wrapped in gauze
Horns jade green
We sit upon the shoulders
Why are you gone Madeleine?
Eyes leak no tears
Torso grumbles, blocked by the heavy material
Horns camouflage all we have
We count the minutes that pass by
Will I ever see you again my sister Madeleine?

I write in circles
happiness in the start
by the middle my words are a bore
why do you even read my poems
why do you care?
now were at the end
and tears are in your eyes
You quiver
you sniffle,
are my words
are my thoughts
the devil?
seconds pass
smiles
you say that was beautiful
what did I miss?
How could you be happy about this?

Don’t cover your face sweetheart
I want to see your pretty eyes
don’t look away
I want to paint a picture of you in my mind
don’t tense up
I want to scale the ups and downs of your skin till I find the gold you’ve been hiding
don’t deny a thing, baby doll*
I want you to understand, you’re worth more than you think

She asked me if I had a tattoo
I told her
Yes, my tattoo marks upon my chest
stretched long and wide it resembles all my pride
what pride she asked
I said
my lungs are breathing
my blood is pumping
what more could I ask for
I did not include
that my tattoo long and wide has stitches all around
Every night
it burns my flesh
its spews the shakes' like a mini earthquake
By morning
I pick up the rubble
and curse the day I added this sentimental devil

why can't I be happy
why can't I laugh
why can't I try
why can't I cry
I'll tell you the reasons
I'll tell you every hit I took
I'll tell you every step I took
but I won't tell you
why
if you care
find the answers behind my vacant eyes

I'm not sure of much
But I do know a penny rusts
Hands grip
Pockets hug
Water rinses
Years surpass
And maybe a penny is just like us
Our hands grip so tight till our touch is not enough
Hips to hips were lost
rain drenches us, feelings wash away
Years pass and maybe just maybe we were never worth enough

I forgot to tell you how I feel
My words have vanished
hidden behind my eyes or hidden by my lies
its all the same
I forgot how to feel
lighting, so fast and fierce
shocks, captures me
I don't cry I don't try
its all the same
I forgot how to talk
Walls come closer and closer
anger pulses through my veins
its all the same
Find me, cure me, but I'll never be the girl you used to know

When I think of you
its like needing an umbrella in the peak of a storm
or carrying a bag full of groceries and it all breaks through
When I look at you
its like being on top of the mountain to suddenly being on the bottom
or writing an acceptance speech to realize you never were accepted
When I hear you
its like a symphony gone awry
or waking up with nothing but yourself
Disappointing it is
But when I touch you
its like the chair to the table
or the eye lashes to the eye
so necessary it is
the same way your embrace keeps me in line

The summer was late nights
So late the sun was starting to rise
The summer was friends attached to the hip
Hours, days, weeks spent side by side
Her summer was
sleepless nights
permanent frown
hushed tones
and most importantly it was being alone

Its so early
But you say its late
Morning will be rough
My eyes will water just to open
My muscles will ache
The clock reads 3am
I'm still wide awake
I don't know whats the use
I try, I try, I try
I just seem to have excuse after excuse
Maybe one day sleep will come to me
the same way it comes to you

She
Enters
Palms kiss door
Feet whisper small steps to the floor
Breath rushes
Shoulders tense
Eyes water
∞
Eyes clench
Posture stiffens
Breath softens
Feet spin
Palms push open door
He
Exits

Childhood is the sun shining bright
so bright that the rays' captures everything around you
Childhood is friends distancing from one another
so apart that hand to hand is now hand to air
Childhood is being the shortest
so short that people hover above you so tall like the NYC towers
Childhood is an elevator going up and down
so high all you can do is smile, and so low that you wonder how your smile ever turned into a frown
Childhood is a sponge
so absorbent that all the tears and laughter mixed into one
But mostly childhood is a story
so alluring with the beginning, exquisite with the middle, and outstanding by the end

I'm the pair of shoes to your feet
I'm an umbrella to the pouring rain
I'm the fan to the sweltering heat
I'm an answer key to your questions
I'm the sunglasses to your nightmares
But most importantly
I'm the hero in your dreams

I miss your smile
I miss the way your eyes twinkled all the time
I miss the way you could persuade me to do anything
You don't miss my smile
You don't miss watching the world around you
You don't miss persuading me to go on adventures
I miss the gasp my lungs made when you held my hand
I miss having to catch up to your lengthy stride
I miss the way you would get lost in your books
You don't miss my hands meeting yours
You don't miss running ahead of me
You don't miss reading
You've left all these things behind
The day you decided you couldn't survive

They throw around the word "anxiety"
They say the upcoming test will give them anxiety
That's only nerves
A synonym

They don't feel
Burning hands
Terror throughout
Drifting eyes
World falling apart

If they felt
The way I do
Would they laugh and stare
The way they do

My words are raw
conversation is bleak
they watch me like a paper doll
always expecting me to break
they don't realize
beady eyes
thick air
gentle hands
suffocate me
I need S P A C E
(when they realize)
It may be just to late

He was like no other

The small things that made me happy

Didn't matter to him

What really mattered was the poison that tainted his veins

It ****** the life out of him

And made him deranged

Eyes dart across the room
Lips purse together
Shoulders slump forward
Hands shake uncontrollably
Feet bounce up and down
Stomach tightens
Thoughts mix together
her heart is beating
her lungs are breathing
So why does the world feel like its ending?